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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Thursday, May 31, 2012

I Had the Best Pap Evah!

I should start by saying that when I got the automated appointment reminder on Tuesday night, I almost cried.  I remember making the appointment last year and knowing (or thinking I knew) that that setting that appointment was really a technicality.  I was sure that I would have either given birth by this date in 2012 or I would be pregnant, at least!  So here I am 365 days later and I am no further than I was when I made that appointment.

May 2012
May 2011

These boys made each of those 365 days so bright though!

I took a deep breath, shaved my legs and off I went.   

The receptionist greeted me with an enthusiastic and welcoming smile.  Suddenly I wasn't feeling so awful about being there completely unpregnant.  I was called back and the nurse asked me the standard questions about heart disease and high blood pressure stuff.  When she asked about prescriptions, I mentioned that I have taken Clomid but it isn't an ongoing thing.  She asked me, "Is that something that you take only when you need it?"  It took me about 3 seconds to realize that she had zero clue about the whole world of infertility.  I gave my OB's nurse a crash course on infertility and infertility drugs. 

Finally after a long wait for the doctor to come in, in walked my favorite OB in the world.  My OB has one daughter who is a young teen.  She had a couple of miscarriages and decided to give up and be happy with the one she has.  So, she kinda gets it.  She gets me.  Then after a little cry (thank you fake HCG) my doctor explained something to me that makes so much sense!  Apparently 200 years ago, they believed that if a woman was educated it would cause blood to go to the woman's brain instead of going to her reproductive organs and would cause infertility.  Light bulb!  This completely explains the "Can I get pregnant if he put it in my ear?" posts.  They ARE more fertile, after all.  I am strongly considering spending my weekend watching all of the Jackass and Jim Carrey movies to see if it might help dumb me down so I can get pregnant! (If you know of any dumb movies please tell me in the comments.  I might turn this into a stupid experiment! LOL)

My OB went on to say that when she was doing her residency, her and her peers decided that the way to get pregnant was to get chlamydia and do a lot of drugs.  This is not an experiment I am willing to conduct.  

Back up to the front desk I go to schedule for next year.  The lady says, "Let's schedule you for next year and then if something pops up we'll deal with it then."

Because of my history of irregular PAPs, I thought that is what she was referring to.  So I quickly said, "I hope nothing pops up."

"You will have to talk to Doug about that!" she said.

"OH that!"  I hope that pops up!  We are trying for THAT!" I clarified.

Then, because I brought it up, the office staff all started chiming in with their experiences.  One woman said she had triplets and without even a pause I asked her to rub her uterus on me.  I did.  A woman I have never met before.  See what infertility has done to me?!  So then, while we are all giggling and sharing, their office phone rings and they exchange eye rolls and more giggles.  One of the women tells me that this woman has called 3 times today but promised that this would be the last time.  I can only hear one side of the conversation but no joke, I heard the words "be careful", "use condoms", and "No.  You can't use it if you ran over it with the vaccuum cleaner!"  I was confused and puzzled so someone clarified that they were talking about her birth control getting lost.   Nice.

So when she was done on the phone, I said, "Do you all want to know who is going to get pregnant before me?  That girl." gesturing toward the phone.

The only thing that stinks about this appointment is that it is going to make the decision to deliver with a midwife so much harder!  I love these ladies!

Cycle Update: I am 4 days past ovulation and 6 days past the trigger shot.  Hopefully by this time next week I will be able to share some news.  I just hope it is good news. 

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Now We Wait... Again

On Friday I got my trigger shot and I ovulated either Saturday or Sunday.  My chart isn't really clear but the truth is... it doesn't matter.  We did everything we can do and now we just wait to see if it is our time. 

Speaking of our time, here is an interesting coincidence... In 2007 I had a period on May 13th.  About 26 days later I got the wonderful news that I was expecting our first child.  Gavin was born on February 14th, 2008.  My current cycle started on May 13th.  Can lightening really strike twice?  Could I get to celebrate another Valentines Day in a hospital pacing the hallways and buying chocolates from the vendors?  (This has become a bit of a tradition for me.  When I was pregnant with Joey, I went for genetic counseling in February and they had the same delicious treats in the lobby!) 

I know some people avoid during the months where they might conceive a child due when another child has a birthday or when there is a major holiday. Me?  Not so much!  I'll take a baby any day, any month, any moment that God wants to send one.  Plus, I figure even if I have the same due date, it doesn't mean they will have the same birthday. 

Do you have any duplicate birthdays (or close to it) in your family?  Did it seem to bother anyone?  What about on or near a holiday? 
Saturday, May 26, 2012

Easy & Fun Pallet Garden

I love having flowers around my house in the spring and summer months.  One thing that I hate is taking up so much of our growing area with things that aren't edible.  So, here was my solution!  A pallet garden!  Since it stands vertically, it won't waste more than a few inches of ground space and it adds tons of colors and dimension in an otherwise bland space.  I also love the rustic and re-purposed look!  

Step 1: Find your pallet that you want to use.  If it is important to you, you can try to find ones that haven't been chemically treated.  I just used what I had on hand.  Be sure to remove any stray nails or sharp edges.  You will need two large bags of potting mix and some landscape cloth.  Also (not pictures) you will need a staple gun or other way to secure the cloth to the pallet like hammer and tacks. 

Step 2: Decide which side will be front and cover the back of your garden.  Mine isn't as pretty as it could have been but I figured... what the heck.  Who is going to see it anyway?  Using my staple gun, I fastened the cloth to the back taking sure to attach it on both horizontally and vertically. 

Step 3: Turn your pallet over. Working in batches, mix the soil with water so that it was nice and damp- not completely soaked or muddy! I used my hands but you could probably use a hand trowel if you don't want to have dirty fingernails.  Then pack it down into the pallet.  This is important so that your dirt doesn't settle too much when you turn it upright later. 

Step 4:  Start with planting in what will be the top first. 
Step 5:  Then plant the other rows.   Be sure that there is plenty of soil packed around each plant.  While tempting to stand your garden up and admire it in all of its beauty, your pallet must remain laying down for a week.  This will give your plants adequate time to take root and hold everything together.   

And Done!  After you have waited patiently for a week, you can set your pallet up and place it where ever you'd like!  We put ours in our "flower beds" where we plant our edibles, but these work great on patios, balconies, and anywhere you want to make feel more alive.  This was my first one and it was really very easy!  If I could do it over, I might have had a fourth row of flowers.  Also, my goal for the next ones would be to have them be all purposeful plants for eating or that have medicinal value.  Overall, a fun and easy project!  Great for kids too that like to get their hands dirty! 
Happy Planting!

Friday, May 25, 2012

I Have Two Biggies

This morning started like most others.  I rolled out of bed and rushed into the shower before Joey's, "ma-ma-ma-ma" turned into "MAAAAAAM!"  (Yes... He now calls me like how I imagine a teenager would.)  One good thing about trying to conceive is that it guarantees that I shave my legs at least once a month.  I must admit that since I was in a bit of a hurry that I focused more on the sides that the doctor would be exposed to while giving me the ultrasound.  I jumped out of the shower and into my clothes and it was time to start the day.

After the boys were fed, I sat and played with them until I needed to finish getting ready to go.  I talked to my mom and told her that my appointment was at 10:15 if I remembered correctly.  I decided that I should probably double check the time... you know... just in case.  I looked at the appointment card and saw staring back at me that I was to be at the office at 9:15 not 10:15!!  I had 30 minutes to get my mom to my house, and drive the 20 minutes to my appointment.  My mom showed up about 5 minutes later and I was able to jump in the truck about 2 minutes after that.  Plenty of time. 

Then as I am cruising... nah... flying up the freeway I notice in my rear view mirror that I completely forgot to take out the double stroller.  Great.  I didn't want to leave a $150 stroller ripe for the picking in my vehicle, so after I pull into the parking lot at 9:12, I grab that bulky stroller like She-Woman and heave it into the backseat.  After some more pushing and maneuvering, I am able to close the door.  Then the speed walk to the office.

I walk in and am greeted by the always fantastically sweet receptionist with a wave and a grin.  I have a seat in the empty waiting room and as soon as my butt hit the seat they call me back.

"Wow!  You guys are on it today!"

"Yeah.  We had something come up.  You obviously didn't get our phone call.  We tried to reschedule." she said kindly.

"I am so sorry!" I say with almost a tear in my eye either from my suddenly hectic run to the appointment or from feeling like I had screwed up again today.

"No big deal!" she smiled. 

Now while most people would have been okay with that I sat on the table feeling so horrible.  The doctor came in about 15 seconds later and before we even had a greeting I asked, "Is everyone here just because of me?"

My doctor explained that he had a last minute meeting this morning and that if I would have showed up 5 minutes after I did, he would have been gone.  He wasn't angry with me at all but I still felt awful and appreciative that I checked my appointment card when I did.  Five minutes later and this post would have been completely different!

So, after all of the crazy running this morning, I learned that I have two "biggies" on my left side and one "too small one" on my right.  The nurse gave me my trigger shot and we plan on having a busy but fun weekend.  When I told Doug about the follicles, he said, "So we need to aim for the left side."

I am excited and hopeful.  I appreciate all of the love, support and baby dust you all have been sharing with me.  

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Be Still

Each night before bed we have a some family Bible reading time.  Since it was easy to see that most of what we were reading was flying over Gavin's head, we started a new little routine.  We start by reading one story from 101 Bible Stories for Toddlers and then read the corresponding story in the bible.  With Gavin's version there are colorful pictures, small and easy to understand words, and it leaves him with the big picture.  Then when I am reading the true and extended version, Gavin seems to actually grasp a little of what I am talking about.  It works well for us!

The other night we were reading Exodus and for the first time I think God spoke to me.  I was reading aloud as I have been doing every night for the last 6 months or so and as I read the following passage, the words stuck in my head. 

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.       -Exd 14:14
I often read portions of the Bible that I like or think to myself that I need to go back to but this was different.  It was like He was speaking to me and telling me to "be still."  God was basically, in His infinite wisdom, telling me to chill out.  I don't need to be freaking out over every little thing.  I just need to be still and let Him do what He intends to do.  

It is kind of weird actually.  Without giving it any thought at all, I find myself saying those two words, "Be still." at least 20 times a day and maybe more.  It isn't always during a moment of stress or anxiety.  Sometimes I am just driving down the road minding my own business and I hear those words in my head.  

Be still.  

I think I now have proof for why it is so important to read the Bible.  It isn't just a document that has all of the answers to life.  God can use His very own words to speak directly to me.  Amazing.

I did use Clomid this cycle and will be triggering ovulation using an HCG injection on Friday.  I haven't decided on if/when I will start testing since getting false positives from the trigger have made me crazy in the past.  After all, I need to be still.

Be still.  

Be still. 

Friday, May 18, 2012

Can I get pregnant if he puts it in my ear? (Part 9)

Its that time again!!! Another installment of: 

For those who are new to these posts These are all questions about trying to conceive posed in the last 2-3 days.  I did not edit them at all.  I didn't want to insult the integrity of their questions.

How to know if my friend is pregnant? my friend is sorta worried that she is pregnant possibly 2 or 3 weeks she said she had sex with her boyfriend twice a two weeks ago and he didnt ***, last weekend they had sex and when he pulled out and made it up to her face he cummed...but she is on birth control and she had a tiny bladder problem and she has dirreha so whats wrong
 First lets start with the fact that I have no idea what the relevance of him doing his thing on your friends face is.  That is just gross.  Second, try not to make fun of your friend's tiny bladder.  Bullying hurts.   


How can I tell my boyfriend I stopped taking my birth control? ? I'm tired of taking them, we had sex already but I haven't told him I stopped taking them. He's going too think I'm doing it on purpose that's why I haven't told him.. HELP..
You have a couple of choices.  You can either say, "Guess what?!  Your a daddy!" or you could say something like, "Hey, sweetie! Condoms or fatherhood?  You choose."  Good luck with that. 

Will i possibly get pregnant? Me and my boyfriend had sex yesterday, (monday). and we used a condom , but it kept coming off,so when we finished..he looked on his penis and didnt see it. And i pulled it out, so it was off the whole time we were having sex. I dont know if im pregnant yet i havent checked. So is it a possibility?
While I enjoyed participating in your little scavenger hunt for the missing condom, you could have just written, "I had unprotected sex.  Am I pregnant?"  So my follow up questions would be, are you unmarried?  Under the age of 18?   Making "plenty of money by babysitting?"   If yes to any of these then, yes, you are probably pregnant. 

 Had sex on ovulation day a week befor my period and im having craping?????
I have to recommend trying a gluten free diet.  I used to have a lot of crapping too.  It sucks.

Pregnancy test question?
so i took a pregnancy test this morning, I am 8 days late for my period and the pregnancy test said negative after 10 seconds.. I moved the pregnancy stick around will this affect my results if i moved it around instead of laying it flat on the table?


Take it from an expert: You can hold onto a test, do the cha cha, carry it with you as you put away laundry, and put it in your car as you take a trip to the grocery store.  You can even throw that son of a bitch in the trash can, go have a martini, come back 2 hours later dig it out (or pick it off of the top where you layed it strategically so that you could look at it again later) and it will still be mocking your efforts to get pregnant.  Or maybe that is just me. 

I started my period may 1st thru the 6th. I had sex from may 3rd to the 7th. I no its early for pregnancy an I kno its early for ovulation, but I have been having wayyyy more discharge then usual. Its pure white, creamy an there's so much I can feel it leaking out. I no that's it can't be pregnancy so what do u think?
You had sex for 5 days straight?!  I hope you were drinking Gatorade and took a break for a granola bar or something.  Sheesh.  Do you think that 120 hours of intercourse may have something to do with all of that discharge?

What makes or sperm stay in longer ? Is there pills that make stay longer in ?
Installing a disco ball that hangs from your cervix and offering cocktails (no pun inten... no wait... pun totally intended) might get them to stay for a little longer.  As far as pills... I don't know about you but I could go for a Valium. 

Ive Ben haveing in protected sex whit my hubby I'm in my husbens account since about a week he dose not ejaculat in side sorry TMI he pulls out I'm wating for my period in 3 days is there a chance I can be Pregnet I have that pink pad app and it says my flowers was blooming on 1st 2ed 3rd 4th so I dnt think I was ovulating HELP Lastnight me and my husband had unprotected sex and he came in me. Can i still get pregnant if i started my period like right after? We have one son and we're not ready for the second one yet, should i get the day after pill or am i fine?
I'm confused.  Because you husband doesn't ejaculate inside of you you are using his account?  But the best part is that you said that your "flowers was blooming".  I don't know what that means but it makes me laugh!

How do I know if my sperm is any good?
When I pull milk out of the fridge and I am not sure if it is any good, I sniff it.  

 Am i PREGNANT or not ? plzzzzz help me :(? ok i know my date for periods is far away , (22,23 may ) but 2 days b4 yesterday , i vomit twice, im feeling very weak and have alot of headache til now, and yesterday i waz feeling pain in stomach. im really afraid im a pregnent ? :( i cant even tell my mom or any 1 ...plz help me wot to do !!! i cant do home pregnancy test or any thing like dat ... and its about 10 days in my periods date... im dying for dem ...i dnt knw i will spent this 10 days :'(

 i had sex about 1 or 2 week ago....he used condem but some times he rub penis on worried abt dat :(
Wait.  So what you are saying is that you think you are pregnant from your boyfriend rubbing his penis on you.  Unless by "on you" you mean "on or near the entrance of your uterus" you aren't pregnant.  In the future can you ask your boyfriend not to rub his penis on you.  I mean, really, it is kinda creepy. 

Now check out part 1, 2 , 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Wordless Wednesday- One Flower

Monday, May 14, 2012

Here We Go Again

On Mother's Day I had a visit from my Aunt.  Not one of my mother or father's sisters, but the one that requires that I feel awful and crampy for a few days.  I knew she would be showing up because my chart told me so, but I was still a little annoyed at her insistence on showing up on a day to celebrate motherhood.  She mocked me with cramps and bloating.

Where is a good gluten free brownie when you need one?

I wasn't feeling very hopeful this cycle for a number of different reasons so I was already thinking about what to do next.  I prayed about it every night.  I asked God to help me hear Him.  I needed to hear what path He wanted me to take.  I don't know that I ever had an a-ha moment or heard the voice of God, but as Doug and I were on a quiet drive to get loaded up on caffeine at our neighborhood Starbucks (20 miles away) the question rolled out of my mouth without a twinge of sadness.  Without any regret.  Without any doubt.

"What are your thoughts on trying Clomid again this cycle?"

Without any hesitation, Doug shared that he wasn't opposed to it.

So we continued on our way about 2/10th of a mile closer to our caffeination destination.  It was done.  It was decided.  We would try this again.

Tomorrow I will be going for my baseline ultrasound where they will check to make sure that I don't have any cysts.  Then, if all goes smoothly we are going to take clomid.  Even though I already ovulate, the goal is to produce and extra egg so that with 2 targets to shoot for, double the chances of getting pregnant.  It is a roller coaster, but I am feeling good about it.

So hang on tight!  Here we go again!  As always, I appreciate prayers and positive thoughts.  For those who are pregnant, I have a baby dust collection point below.  Just place your baby dust on the screen in the designated area.  

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I was Gilly-ed!!

Have you ever seen the Saturday Night Live skit with Gilly?  If not, there is one below.  When Joey was about a year old, we learned that when we said "Joey" with a bit of a tone of warning, it sounded just like the skit when the teacher would say "Gilly?"

The other night Joey was having a really hard time falling asleep.  Doug went into the room about 3 times to settle him.  Then at about 10:30pm I decided that I was going to play super sleuth and figure out what his story was.  So I go to the crib and put on my super sniffer.  I sniff the air and can't determine if what I am smelling is perhaps a poopy butt or just a faint odor coming from the diaper pail.  So I ask him, "Joey (sounding a little like "Gilly?"), did you poop?"

He looked up at me and nodded his head and said, "Uh-huh."

So I lift him out of the crib and smell his bottom like any tired mom  trying to avoid an unnecessary diaper change would do.  I don't detect any foul smell so I ask him again, "Joey, did you poop?"

"Uh-huh," he said with another nod of his head.

Figuring that he must have had a ghost poopie in there I lay him on the changing table.  Joey is looking at me with a big smile.  I undress him and open up his diaper to reveal a completely clean butt!  So I look at Joey again and ask, "Joey, did you poop?"

He looks at me, smiling the whole time, and says, "Nuh-uh" while shaking his head.

Gilly!!!  He Gilly-ed me! 

I also was Gilly-ed with this cycle. Such a weird and wacky cycle for me but at some point today I will find myself on cycle day one. Again. But I am looking forward to this cycle. I have a good feeling, but more on that another time.
Saturday, May 12, 2012

Infertility: What should I do?

Friday, May 11, 2012

For Women With Empty Arms and/or Broken Hearts

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


I am stuck.  Stuck between having children and wanting children.  Stuck between being tired of trying and can't stop trying.  Stuck between infertility and infertility.

I know I have said this before, but the fact that I am still not pregnant is beyond me.  I wish I had the opportunity to go back and tell myself that I would deal with infertility after Joey.  I think that had I known that this road was going to be part of my journey, I may have celebrated my pregnancy with Joey a little more.  I think that most women that are pregnant with their "last" really spend time focusing on the pregnancy, the feelings, the emotions, the miracle that is taking place.  I didn't.  I knew it was my second pregnancy but not my last.

Now, I can't quit.  I can't not have my last pregnancy (or at least one where I think it is my last). I want to feel nauseated and appreciate every second.  I want to feel baby kicks for the first time and know that it will likely be my last time to feel every poke, jab, and roll.  I want to plan for the perfect birth.  I want to feel every unbearable contraction and instead of leaning over to Doug and grunting out the words, "Next time I am getting an epidural," I want to know that it is my last time to feel that exhaustion and pain.  I want to hold a newborn and breath in every single sight knowing that this is the last time I will hold a hours old baby, day old baby, two day old baby, ...

I am starting to ache for that child.  When we first started trying, I wanted a baby.  When I miscarried a few months ago, I wanted that baby.  Now, I am aching.  I am hurting.  I am feeling incredibly incomplete.

I am in the end of my 23rd cycle of trying and not feeling especially hopeful.  But, I know that God can perform miracles.  I know that if He wills it, it will happen.  I keep trying to remind myself of this.  I know in my heart that I have another child meant for my womb and meant to call me Mama.

I know that I have kind of drifted to a dark place, but I will never forget that God's plan is perfect.  I just wish I knew when His plan includes me getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


So... Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Still not pregnant.

I won't lie.  I am starting to get pretty down about the whole infertility thing.  I really struggle sometimes because I figure other people struggling with infertility don't want to hear a mother of two gripe and moan about not being pregnant.  I also figure that there is enough of the groaning and whining in everyone's life that who wants to spend their few free minutes of time reading about my belly achin'.

So instead I am going to tell you about my last few days which ought to make you smile... even if it is out of pity for me, my boys, or both.

Starting at the beginning of winter we put up a gate that essentially cuts our house into two parts so that the kids don't get too close to the wood burning stove.  One perk is that it also lets me have a kid free kitchen when I was cooking, or sipping my morning coffee!  Well, all good things must come to an end.  We took down the gate.  After all, I am pretty sure we aren't going to be burning any fires any time soon.

Joey's world just got twice as big!   After about 30 seconds of running through the part where the gate was he went straight to the oven and opened them both up with ease.  Then thr refrigerator was his next victim.  He pulled everything out of the bottom door shelf in 3 seconds.  Then he moved on to the pantry.  I had already moved the heavy and fragile things to the top shelf but he clearly demonstrated that that wasn't safe either.

You would think that as a second child, things would already be child proofed but with Gavin all I has to tell him was "no" and he would go find something else to do.  Joey hears "no" and he hears, "I must move fast for whatever wondrous thing I am about to find must be spectacular!"

Today I have the oven locked (really hoping that Joey isn't stronger than the adhesive on the locks) and the pantry secured too.  The refrigerator locks should be here tomorrow.  It will be nice to be able to not have to wait to pee until he is sleeping or Doug is home.

I also decided that it was time to give the boys haircuts.  I hate to spend 10-12 bucks on each kid for a trim only to have it look shaggy again in a few weeks.  So, I have been doing haircuts at home.  Yesterday, I decided that I was just going to give them summer cuts.  I hardly recognize them!!!
Friday, May 4, 2012

Meet The Fertiles

A sweet, kind, sensitive and newly pregnant friend approached me and posed a question... it wrong to kinda be offended by the term fertiles? Cuz I kinda am....
 At first, I recalled how it used to sting a little when I heard that term.  Before Joey finally stuck with us, I was getting pregnant every other month.  I'm not exaggerating.  I could pretty much count on being pregnant 50% of the time.  I was a Fertile (who happened to also hold the title of Miscarrier).  I hated thinking that there were people dealing with infertility, hating me for getting pregnant so easily when I really wasn't the enemy.  I just hurting in a different way.   

Now after 23 cycles of nothing but another early miscarriage to show for it, I was welcomed into the world of infertility with open arms.  As a result, I think I understand the term "Fertiles" a little better.  Or maybe I don't...  but here is my attempt to decipher the language of us infertiles, for the rest of the world.
A Fertile isn't just someone with the ability to become pregnant without more effort than a glass or two of wine and a flirtatious wink.  The term, Fertiles, refers more to the ladies that like to assume that because they are able to get pregnant with a 4 ounce serving of chardonnay, then everyone should do exactly the same thing and get pregnant, just like they did.  Just relax, pop a cork, et voila!  When women who never had to invest in a single ovulation test or a "what are we doing wrong" appointment with their OB/GYN, feel the need to dole out fertility advice, they are likely Fertiles.  They also have a knack for complaining about their oodles of kids and how misbehaved, awful, and messy they are.  They may even go as far as to offer to trade places so that an Infertile can see how lucky they are to not have children.  Sometimes a Fertile isn't willing to part with all of their children, so they just offer to let an infertile couple have Little Johnny, the biggest problem child ever.

So that means that an Infertile isn't just someone who is having difficulty conceiving for one reason or another, it means something more.  An Infertile is someone that will erupt with wild and hysterical tears at even the suggestion of a pregnancy announcement .  She walks around with a middle finger pointed upward in the general direction of any woman with a gut that may contain a child, either now, or at one time in the last two decades.  An Infertile has only childless friends in her facebook news feed because to hear one more status update about potty training or my kid is so awesome (or cute, funny, adorable, smart, gross) would make them not just crazy, but suicidal.  She is often such an volatile mix of negativism and anxiety, that you should probably avoid conversation. An Infertile will often have convulsions of fury at the sight of an ultrasound picture.  An Infertile is unpleasant and spiteful and usually have an unhealthy connection to their pets.
So that makes sense, right?  But, wait.  No, it doesn't.  That is like saying that a turkey sandwich is only a turkey sandwich if it is made with miracle whip, a slice of American cheese, a small amount of lettuce, and made on toasted white bread.   It's confusing to have a name for something that isn't really a name for something, unless it is something else.

Last week was infertility awareness week.  I read blog post after blog post about raising awareness about infertility.  We want people to understand us, support us, and and be aware of our difficulties, emotions, and challenges all while we secretly call those same people names.  I think if we are really going to do a good job of raising awareness and debunking the myths of infertility, we have to stop ridiculing the people we hope to have understand us.  Making people aware of what someone struggling with infertility is likely thinking or feeling has to be of top priority rather than fault them for fully functioning reproductive systems.   If you think about it, most of us are just one jacked-up uterus away from being a Fertile anyway.

What do you think?  Is the term "Fertiles" offensive?  Would you be okay if a mommy group talked about "Infertiles" with a working definition as the one I described?  Let's have a helpful and healthy discussion regardless of our reproductive health.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Oh No, You Didn't!

If this were real, what do you think s/he is saying about me?

a) That I am some crazy infertile that talks about mucus that comes from betwixt one's legs.

b) That I nearly crap my pants when I eat gluten.

c) That I harvest flowers, stems, and roots to make teas like some mad hippie freak. 

d) I teach a class every two weeks or so about how to get pregnant by having aural intercourse

Do you think you have a better answer?   Now is your chance to trash talk me!  I can't wait to hear what you come up with! 

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I'm Baaaaaa-ack and still Gluten Free!

Somewhere in the middle of last cycle I was talking about going gluten free.  I did and haven't looked back.  Well... I'd be lying if I wasn't really tempted by some good old fashioned Kraft Macaroni and Cheese last week but I manged to walk away.  I frowned.  I stomped around my kitchen for 47 seconds, but I reminded myself of how awful it would make me feel. Plus, I read in a book that a woman with untreated celiac disease has something like a 20 percent chance of miscarriage.  Once the gluten free diet has been implemented, the risk of miscarriage drops to the normal range.

Ahhh to be normal...

... Goodbye Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  Forever. 
Once I decided to go gluten free, I did the initial freak out.  I didn't know what had gluten outside of the obvious bread and pasta,so I emailed a friend of mine and asked her what on Earth she eats!  So using that information, this has been my diet for the last month or so:

Breakfast: Chex cereal.  There are several varieties of Chex that are Gluten Free (and I love that they are also clearly labeled!!!) with my personal favorite being the honey nut.  Chocolate is good too but on the desert-y side.  Cinnamon is a flat out sugar cereal.  Also unflavored coffee is safe as well as most coffee creamers.

Lunch- Salad.  Lots of salad.  I started with a oil and vinegar dressing but after a week or so of that I had it up to my eye balls with oil and vinegar dressings.  I found one Asian inspired oil and vinegar that I love and a yogurt honey mustard.  Both very yummy and nice when you need a change from the boring Italian Dressing.

Dinner- Mostly things like baked chicken, lots of veggies, rice, and again... salad.  I have experimented with Gluten Free pastas and found them to be a different texture but good when you want to pretend like you are normal.  Also, I have made Gluten Free pizza and was happy with it.  Gavin actually devoured 3 pieces and he typically eats like a bird.

Snacks- Chips and salsa have been my staple.  Also rice crackers (I can only seem to find them in the Asian food section) and humus. 

Desserts- I baked GF brownies for a family dinner and they were super good!  I threw in some chocolate chips and walnuts and no one would have even known the difference if I hadn't ratted on myself.

Since making the switch I am not having the digestive issues I used to have and I have found that I have a lot more energy!  Like really!  I used to spend entirely too much time on the couch waiting for Joey to nap so that I could nap, blog, or make up an excuse not to cook or clean.  Now, I actually have the energy to prepare better meals and can spend more active time with my kids and husband.

If it also helps me get and stay pregnant... only time will tell.  Right now I am having a bit of a strange cycle.  I don't know if it has to do with my diet change or not but in my 5 years of charting, I have always ovulated on cycle day 13 or 14 with one cycle with an early day 12 egg and cycle day 15 at the very latest.  Today is cycle day 16 and I still haven't been able to identify ovulation.  Maybe different will be good? 

So good to be back and I look forward to a wonderful May! 

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