Life was just sailing along there for the last 6 months.  I was feeling good.  Doug was feeling good.  Kids were healthy.  Then, out of the blue, I noticed that when Doug took off his socks that the imprint was still there and it was obvious.  I pointed it out and we shared a giggle about how funny it looked.  Then, I thought about it for a minute.  A few weeks prior, a friend in a facebook pregnancy group has posted a picture of how she was very swollen and how if she pushed on he ankles, it would stay depressed.  So out of curiosity, I pushed on Doug's ankle and my thumb print stayed... and stayed... and stayed.  It really is a creepy thing to see.  I convinced Doug (with little convincing needed- remember it is creepy) to call the doctor in the morning.  She had him come in, ran some tests, started him on a diuretic, and sent him home.  After the results of the tests came back normal and his liver enzyme numbers were still perfect, she was convinced it was just another awful side effect of his medications.  That was about 2 months ago. 

Last week Doug had a check up with the GI doctor.  Doug and I both were very hopeful that since his liver was still doing great that he might be able to eliminate at least one of the meds and thus eliminate the swelling issue that was persisting despite the water pills.  As it turns out, things aren't looking good.  We don't know what is going on just yet and we are praying that is is something simple and easy to fix.  His liver does still look great but he has low Albumin in his blood and is spilling protein in his urine which often means something is not working right in the kidney department. 

We are still in the midst of tests and trying to figure out what is causing these things.  We appreciate any prayers as we get to the bottom of this. 

In pregnancy news, I am fine.  Officially in the 3rd trimester and everything has been uneventful.  Considering what has just been set upon our plates, I couldn't be more thankful for this. 

Since finding out that we are expecting another little boy, we have been asked countless times if we have picked a name.  Everyone has their own "thing" for picking names and ours hasn't been consistent.  With Gavin, we named him within moments of finding out he was a boy.  We called him by his name ever since.  To be honest, there wasn't any real reason for his name other than Doug and I both loved it. 

With Joey, it was a little more involved.  Maybe it was because we had to work so hard and deal with so many losses, that he deserved a name with a little more thought.  We talked about various names but just couldn't agree.  Doug really liked the name Garrett and while I liked it, I am not a huge fan of having two G names and that setting a precedent for any future children to be G's as well.  So, one date night we got on the topic of Doug's brother, now deceased due to a tragic accident.  He passed long before I was in the picture so I was just curious to know more about him.  As we talked and I could hear how close Doug was to his brother, it just seemed to make sense.  I liked the name Joseph and now it had meaning.  So after asking permission from my mother-in-law, he was named.  But, outside of the three of us (and maybe more if MIL spilled the beans) no one knew what his name would be.  Doug and I had slipped up a few times while I was pregnant and called him by name.  Gavin, who never misses ANYTHING, started saying the name.  For fear that he would spread the word, we started joking around and calling the baby Guido.  As a joke, he is occasionally called Joey Guido. 

This time we are going a whole new route and I am really enjoying it!  We are making a list of names that we like.  There will be probably 4-5 names that Doug and I both agree on and then, when we meet him for the first time and share those hours nursing and getting to know one another, we will pick a name.  No one ever said that a baby has to have a name in the first minutes of life.  Just another reason to be eager to meet this little fella!  In my opinion, it is very important not to share any of the names we are considering.  Frankly, I don't want anyone's opinions coloring our decision.  The names are all pretty traditional, but people still like to throw in their two cents and I don't want all of that loose change. 

It is so hard to believe that baby will be here in less than 100 days!!  Double digits now!

I do have some posts in the works about some things like teens and abstinence and another on how the media and main stream television has helped us to think of our children as little adults and somehow we are okay with this.  But... those posts require thought, energy and my attention, all of which I am still trying to locate.  Soon though!  Hopefully before baby shows up! 

I know that my losses are all early losses, but I still breathe a short sigh of relief when I pass this milestone.  I no longer need to use the doppler to verify that he is still in there and doing okay.  He is kicking and poking me routinely and Gavin was even able to feel him a couple of times.

Speaking of Gavin, he couldn't be more excited about the new baby coming.  He talks about it to anyone who will listen including, cashiers, WalMart greeters, and anyone else who feigns interest.  He has been especially cuddly lately and one evening told me that he wanted to snuggle with me and the baby.  He curled up next to me on the couch and slung and arm over my tummy and life was good. Very very good. 

Joey is also looking forward to a new baby brother although I am pretty sure he doesn't really get it.  I think he knows that there is a "baby" in my belly and that that "thing" will be his brother, but I also think  he pictures it more like a stuffed animal that we can heave into the corner.  We're trying to get him ready for the shock of a lifetime. 

You probably wouldn't believe me but I really do have a lot of blog posts in my head and ready to be transcribed into works of art or at least a series of sentences that make up a really good paragraphs.  It has been so long since I really wrote.  For those of you who have been blog readers for a long time, then you know the ones I mean.  The ones that are sometimes on the "other side of the fence."  Maybe even considered controversial by some.  Yeah.  Those topics.  I don't know why I stopped writing those posts.  It might be because I was consumed with infertility and the quest for a baby.  It might also be the fact that I have grown so close to so many of you, that I worry a lot more about burning bridges that I value. 

Loyal friends and readers: Please know that it is not my goal to be offensive or start a fight.  I am not attacking anyone, just sharing my thoughts and opinions.  I am not secretly trying to pick on anyone in particular.  I am always open to friendly debates and discussions that can be handled passionately yet respectfully.

Perhaps next week I'll post something juicy!  For now... I'll leave you with some fun pictures!

What a wild week!! A quick recap involves what feels like panic attacks, 3 massive nose bleeds and a bad back.  Yes.  It was good times here at my house. 

The back ache was quickly resolved after some chiropractic care.  If any of you are on the fence about whether or not seeing a chiropractor during pregnancy is a good idea, mark me down for a big fat YES!!  I went from having incredibly painful back spasms to being able to sit and stand without first mapping out my plan of attack.  I feel sooo much better!!

I had an OB appointment today and mentioned my crazy panicky issues and gushing nose bleeds.  Turns out, our good pal progesterone is responsible for both and that he isn't concerned about either issue.  Since he isn't worried, neither am I.  Fair warning though, if you live locally and see me with 8 pounds of tissues crammed in my nose with an ice pack and trying to catch my breath while monitoring my pulse, don't worry.  I am just pregnant. 

The very best part of today was that I got to take a tour of the birth center at the hospital.  It was a quick tour as there wasn't much to see but I think I am in love.  The rooms (labor, delivery, postpartum, and rooming in with baby) are large and spacious.  Floors are shiny hardwood and really looks homey compared to the "regular" hospital I am familiar with.  The bathroom is also nice and big and has nice big showers with a real shower curtain and shower stall!  I know this probably isn't big news to most of you but based on my prior experience, the showers were in the bathroom with no real separation between the toilet and the shower.  There was a curtain so that the whole room didn't get wet but the floor was all just sloped toward the drain.  But wait!!!  Aside from the TV/s equipt with DVD players, each room has a mini fridge!  I know I mentioned this before but after I deliver the baby, they remove the delivery bed from the room and a queen sized Murphy bed pulls down from the wall et viola!  Comfort!

The best part is the birth tubs!  I envisioned an inflatable tub that resembled an inner tube crossed with a black trash bag.  These tubs that I saw were REAL bath tubs!  Big!  Deep!  They looked so comfy!  I originally thought that maybe I would labor in the tub, but after seeing those bad boys, I might be willing to deliver in it too!  The tubs has lights for crying out loud!  Lights! 

Then as we returned to the hallway I noticed that the halls were carpeted and far from looking hospital-ish.  They don't have a nursery but she said that if I want to sleep, they will take the baby for a while and bring the baby to me for feeding.  As I realized how quiet everything was, I had to ask her how many babies they deliver in a month.  Her answer was, "About 30." One baby a day on average.  I think that is just amazing!  Talk about getting all the attention I could possibly need!  This place just might be heaven for delivering babies. 

I can't tell you how excited I am about delivering at this place.  Four more months.  That is it! 

Officially on the downside of the hill of pregnancy and holding on tight.  I am able to feel him move pretty regularly now and it is reassuring except for when it isn't.  His kicks and jabs ore just subtle enough that unless I am sitting or laying down with the intention of paying attention to him, I don't notice.  Then, I find myself at dinner time thinking, "Uh oh.  I don't think I have felt him move today.  Or did I?  I think I did.  No.  Wait.  That was yesterday.  Or this morning?  Let me just grab the doppler to double check on him."  In fact, I did this exact thing before I started writing this post.  I honestly don't know what I would do without that little machine. 

I am going to talk about a day that is celebrated in every family except for when it isn't.  Mother's Day is this Sunday, May 12th.  It is easy to think that this is a day for all of the mothers of the world to get homemade greeting cards and breakfast in bed.  Maybe a day "off" from cooking.  Maybe even some flowers and 15 minutes of alone time in the bathroom to poop in peace.  While this is pretty common stuff, there are other women out there who dread this day. 

There are women who long to snuggle a baby of their own, to get a slobbery kiss from a kid with daddy's smile, to kiss a boo-boo with a magic healing kiss that haven't yet realized this dream. Mother's Day holds a very different meaning for these women.  Also, what about the mothers who carried babies in their wombs but find themselves with wounded hearts due to loss? 

It is easy to focus all of our attention on the "Moms" of the world this Sunday, but I ask all of you to acknowledge the women who find themselves hurting.  I won't claim to know the right words to say to them or the best thing to do for them, but I do know that they will appreciate the effort.  

This weekend, I'll be thinking of all of the women who have traveled the road of infertility or loss. 

So far we have been very blessed with healthy kids for the last 5 years.  We get our sniffles here and there but very few actual illnesses.  Then... illness struck.  Only Gavin, thankfully!  (Knocking vigorously on wood!)  Gavin has been sick starting on Friday and today is Wednesday.  Not all days have been bad days, but we haven't been able to do much outside of the house.

I have this issue with cabin fever.  We live rurally and without getting into a vehicle and driving a mile or so, there might not be any sign of other humans existing.  To make life a little bit more stir crazy, Doug is out of town for work which means that my conversations for the last 48 hours have included:

"Joey, do not sit on your brother!  He is not a horse!!"
"Okay, Mom." 

"Gavin, you and your brother will not both fit into a diaper box!"
"Yes we will."
"Okay.  Good luck with that."

If there is still a such thing as Calgon, I insist that it take me away! 

I decided that since it is raining and ugly out and I have a kid that will have diarrhea at any given moment with no warning, that it would be a good craft day.  I got out a science kit to grow a crystal tree but the packet of crystal water stuff had gotten opened somehow and there was already crystals growing where they shouldn't have been. 

Craft idea number two was to make some sort of balloon filled with corn starch as a "stress ball" or tactile toy.  Well... yeah.  While entertaining to Gavin, this project created a smoke machine that essentially destroyed my already messy kitchen.  I tried this concept again with a different funnel and it worked a little better.  This time, I managed to get corn starch into the balloon but only enough to really look more like a visual aid of a scrotum. 

So I decided that I was done with the messy stuff and that it was time to simply use up some left over helium from Gavin's birthday and that would keep the kids entertained for a while.  I figured there was enough for 3, maybe 4 balloons.  I stopped after filling 9 helium balloons.  It kind of looks like a circus blew up in here, but the kids are having so much fun. 

Until then, I decided that it was time to share my very first belly pic.   

19 weeks

Yep.  I skipped 18 weeks.  I blew right past it.  It was a really busy week or so for us but busy in a very good way. 

I met my new OB and I am pretty sure that I made an excellent move.  He seems like just the doctor to be supportive of my birth choices!

I had already scheduled appointment with a genetic counselor this week so despite my lack of concern with genetic issues, I went anyway.  I haven't yet seen the bill for this but I bet I am going to end up paying a lot of money for what really turned out to be some girl chat (fun girl chat) about funny things kids say, awkward situations that happen as a result of those funny things, and how our kids are our favorite people.  She basically told me in less than 30 words that my risk was really low and the only reason I was there was because I am AMA.   Advanced Maternal Age for those of you spring chickens.  I have heard those 3 letters at least a dozen times in the last few months.  I have decided that regardless of their label of AMA I have decided that I am going to begin wearing a red cape with the letters OBA.  Old But Awesome!

The fun part of that appointment was that we got a nice long look at our little guy.  Things are looking really good!  The doctor (not my OB, but the MFM doc at the hospital that reviews the ultrasounds) wants me to come back again in 4 weeks so he can double check his heart.  He wasn't concerned but just wanted one more peek before he gave his official stamp of approval. 

So today officially makes me 19 weeks pregnant.  Kind of hard to believe, really. 



See you next week!