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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Sunday, February 24, 2013

11 weeks

Blew right past week 10 with no post.  Oops!  Beside saying goodbye to Grandma, nothing really remarkable happened with me last week.  I did find the baby's heartbeat with my doppler at home several times.  I found that having a full bladder was helpful.  That, and using plenty of ultrasound gel.  It seems to be around 135-155.

I am feeling better and better about this baby being a sticky one.  So many of my beloved cousins and family members shared their thoughts that Grandma was watching over this little baby and that they deeply believe that this baby is going to be in my arms in September.   It really is a wonderful image to think of Grandma as this baby's special angel. 

I am still very tired but that might have a lot to do with the fact that not only has it been a very emotional week and I have been tending to sick kids and a very sick husband.  Doug has been doing well with the AIH for a long time now.  Unfortunately, one of the issues of AIH and being on immune-suppressants is that a typical cold that you and I could shake in a few days, turns into something much different for him.  We are hopeful that with another day or two of rest that he will finally be back to his healthy self. 

So, on a more positive note, I would like to know from all of you, what pregnancy products are impossible to go 40 weeks without.  This can be first hand knowledge or things that you have on your wish list!  Just looking for some ideas as I float into the second trimester soon.

Until next week.... - Ever notice that people will rub a pregnant woman's belly and say
Tuesday, February 19, 2013

February 18th, 2013

On this day, Heaven welcomed my Grandmother. 

I think not of this day in sadness for what we have lost, but in recognition that after living on this Earth for a remarkable 100 years, surrounded by family and friends too numerous to count, she has went to be with Jesus. 

I told her long before I was married how much I wanted my children to know her.  Of course her response was that she wasn't going to be around forever.  She was 80 years old then...

I wish that baby #3 would have had the same opportunity to know her but, in her final days I sat next to her bed and I leaned in close and said, "Grandma, I have good news."  Her eyes looked up to my face and she quietly gave me a quizzical look.  I went on to say, "I'm pregnant!  We are having baby #3!"  Her eyes lit up so brightly.  She smiled ear to ear.  A full on smile that said she knew what I said and that she was so so happy for us.  I wish she would have been able to meet this baby, but I know that this baby has at least one angel up in Heaven watching over him/her. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

9 Weeks

You know what isn't fun about pregnancy after infertility and recurrent miscarriages?  The whole first trimester

My last appointment was two weeks ago.  When I scheduled today's appointment I thought, "Eh.  I can wait two weeks.  It isn't that long."  I kept that attitude until Monday night.  All of the sudden it hit me how long it had been since I had the opportunity to verify that things were still okay in there.

Monday night I was up watching some TV and when I looked at the clock and saw it was already 10:00 and my eyes were still open without toothpicks, I worried a little but decided to just go to bed.  Then as I layed in bed with the TV on, I became engrossed in the TV show on and ended up being awake until nearly 11:00pm.  Not the biggest deal in the world but to me, it led to more worry.

Then, Tuesday came.  Tuesday, about an hour before lunch, I was so hungry.  Again, shouldn't be an issue except for the fact that I really haven't been hungry in weeks now.  I usually muster up enough courage to eat something but it is only after thinking about 17 things that make my stomach turn.  Yesterday, I was so hungry and everything sounded good.  I panicked a little.  I even got out my doppler to try to listen for a heartbeat.  I know that a just over 9 weeks, the chances were pretty slim, but I was anxious for something!  I never heard a heartbeat but the digital readout kept showing me a number in the 125-130 range so it couldn't have been me.  I decided that it was enough to get me through until today. 

Before the scan, I had the unique and under discussed awkward pap and breast exam from a former classmate.  The thought had occurred to me that I would have to have her do that, but I wasn't really ready for it today.  I am not sure how one emotionally prepares for a girl I refer to by her first name to palpate my boob and give my nipple a squeeze.  She didn't seem weirded out but I am sure that there is some sort of doctor etiquette that requires them to not talk about how awkward they feel about feeling up an old friend. 

Then finally, the scan. 

All is well in the town of Uterus.  Baby was looking good and healthy!  I even saw it do a little wiggle on the screen!   Such a relief!  Now to figure out if I am done with the nausea or if I just had a 24 hour respite.  I also have to figure out how I am going to make it until 12 weeks before another scan! 

I can't begin to tell you how much all of your comments, love, prayers, and well wishes mean to me.  I am really so blessed to have you all as supporters in my life and my family's lives.  Thanks, from the bottom of my heart! 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

8 Weeks

Yes.  I made it to 8 weeks!  8 weeks and 3 days to be exact!  I don't get a scan this week so I have to be patient and wait until next week to peek at the baby.  I am relishing in the fact that I am starting to be more consistently nauseated.  While many women hope to get through pregnancy without morning sickness, I long for it.  It isn't pleasant but it as a wonderful reminder that something is happening in there.

I am still really tired.  Thankfully Joey has decided that naps aren't so bad anymore and has actually made a habit of asking to take a nap after lunch!  Whoohoo for me!  Gavin is content playing a JumpStart game on the computer and I get cozy on the couch.  The last two days I have managed to nap for 2 hours!  I realize that I won't win any mother of the year awards, but I don't know how I would get through my day without some rest. 

I am starting to actually embrace the idea that this baby will most likely be joining us in the Fall.  I have let my mind drift to maternity clothes and deciding on if we want to learn the gender of this baby in 10 weeks or so. 

My heart aches for the moms who are still waiting for their baby.  I know rationally that the whole community of infertile and loss moms can't all get pregnant at the same time and travel this road together, but if there was a way to do it, I would.  I love the fact that I am finally able to blog about something that doesn't involve my frustration with my RE, another failed cycle, another frustrating month.  I hate that others are. 

I don't want to alienate readers who are still fighting for their take home baby.  I respect the fact that I might lose some of you, but please know that I am praying for all of you.  I am always going to be around for emails, venting, sharing, friendship, advice, and whatever else you need.  There is a decent chance that more of my posts will be about baby, pregnancy, and maybe some products for pregnancy.  If anyone is looking for support while they are trying to conceive, we have a growing number of ladies who are participating in the secret facebook groups for ttccommunity.  We also have a group for those who are expecting, a group for those dealing with loss(es), a group for those who are avoiding, and many many others.  Stop by to see if there is a group that fits for you. 

I am hoping to whip up a post soon about the flu shot and pregnancy so be on the look out for that!  It is shaping up to be a real eye opener!  Until that post or next week...

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