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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, September 30, 2011

Fertility Friday- Baby Making II

A month or so ago I was inspired to share some of my best drawing skills (which isn't bad if I were a fourth grader!) to illustrate some of the "other techniques" used when getting pregnant is more of a priority than a pastime.  If you missed the first installment, they are HERE

These other techniques are based on ideas by my so creative and hysterical readers!

The Dead Fish
This is when one, or sometimes both, of the participants is less than enthusiastic about the nights events.  Long day at work?  Tough workout at the gym?  It doesn't matter the cause, just don't expect any energy from this dead fish.  "Just be happy I'm laying here."  

The Backup Plan

It has happened to me at least twice where I found myself flying solo during ovulation time.  With out the other half in town, the mind tries to get creative.  Just FYI- The turkey baster idea only works if the "donation" is fresh.  So don't try to stash it between a pizza and the ice cube tray.  It won't work.

The Stealth Mode
The Stealth Mode comes in handy when those out of town guests show up during that fertile window.  Maybe it is a clogged toilet, a personal health issue, but something happens to come up that requires that you and your significant other step away for a while.  Be sure that the excuse is something that Uncle Hal won't volunteer with.  Then, serve a lovely, large dessert and step away.  Quickly and quietly is key!  And, above all else, lock the door! 

Keep the ideas coming folks!  I must admit that I have too much fun drawing these pictures*!

*Please note- Pictures are not drawn to scale. Ha Ha Ha

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Patience or Lack Thereof

I have faith in Him and His plan.

I do, right?  The past few cycles I have been really trying to give myself a pep talk.  I have been trying so hard to think positively.  I have been wanting to always be finding the sunshine on the cloudiest of days.   But, sometimes it is hard.  I need to be rejoicing and thanking Him for everything He has blessed me with, instead of feeling like I am waiting for Him to bless me again.  Does that even make sense?  I am thankful.  I am blessed.  I am happy.  I am human, too.  I want another baby.

So what is faith anyway?  According to Wikipedia, faith is trust, hope and belief in the goodness, trustworthiness or reliability of a person, concept or entity.  I do trust, hope, and believe that God will bless me with another child.  I have that kind of faith.  But do I have the patience?  That is the part I am struggling with.  So today, instead of trying to figure out what God would want me to know about being patient, I am going to find out by reading His words. 

(Insert some very peaceful and pensive music while I go look at this site.)

Romans 5:1-4
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

So maybe my infertility is about me building even more faith.  My tribulation is teaching me about patience (boy is it ever!), and I am gaining experience (maybe to share with others?) and with every month of "experience" I am getting just a little more hopeful.  I am getting closer to another child.  I am going to enjoy a pregnancy again.  I know it!

If anyone would like to share in the comments, scripture or quotes that help them stay positive, I would love to read them.  I could use some inspiration as I am waiting patiently for the "two week wait" to pass. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Just Pleased It Wasn't My Kid... This Time (WW)

No one will notice if I just quickly take care of this little booger.
But, just in case I will put my other hand over my nose so that no one will know what I am doing. 
Well, what do we have here?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Monthly Gift to You!

I have decided that since so many of us spend at least 2 weeks each month dreading the arrival of a certain "aunt," that it would be nice to spend some time each month looking forward to a different monthly gift.  I have put together a gift package of some things that can help make the start of a new cycle not as horrible. 

You may already know that the antioxidants of dark chocolate are good for your heart but did you know that it can reduce stress, boost your mood, and enliven your libido!?  So when we realize that another cycle is down the "gurgler," (I had never heard that term before for a toilet until a Kiwi friend used it.  I love it!) few things sound quite as good as some decadent chocolate!  Then, if you manage to save any, sounds like a few bites before bed time might boost your chances for next month!

How about a soothing, calming, tension relieving soak in the tub?  When you feel like you are drowning yourself in tears, giving yourself some TLC with this Juniper, Orange, and Menthol bath oil can help you.  Juniper can help relieve the pain of menstrual cramps and ease the symptoms of PMS.

 So while you are soaking in the tub, if you mind is too busy thinking to really enjoy the tranquility, how about popping in a little music.  This CD designed for meditation is perfect.  It is calm guitar music that is far from elevator music.  Let me be honest and tell you that I stood in WalMart listening to the sample tracks and just loved ever second I heard.  In fact, I seriously am contemplating picking up a copy for myself at my next visit.

And then for that final bit of hope and positive thinking, how about a box of 3 First Response Early Pregnancy Tests?  In the days after that dreaded aunt leaves me, getting some tests can lift the haze of sadness.  Somehow just having a box of tests on hand reminds me that in a few more weeks I will be able to be positive and hopeful all over again!

Now this is a monthly gift anyone could look forward to!  Be sure to share this giveaway with your other TTC, infertility, and loss friends!  If we have a good turnout, the gifts could become bigger and better each month!

 *Disclaimer- This is not a sponsored post and I am not being compensated at all for this post.
Winner has been notified via E-mail!  Congratulations to Kia!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Green Grass and Greener Grass

Almost a year ago, I was determined to get my body into shape before I destroyed it with another pregnancy.  When I started going to an exercise class, I was happy to learn that it was a month to month membership because I was positive that I would be pregnant after a few months.  I just wanted to drop 20 pounds and tighten up my gelatinous tummy.  Joke is on me 12 months later!  But, really, that is beside the point. 

The first day, I parked my truck and saw a group of men and women standing outside of the door.  Trying to be social, I climbed out of my truck and joined them.  From looking at the website O was prepared to see a bunch of meat heads and incredibly fit women working on toning their already flat and defined abs.  This crowd, that stood patiently waiting on the teacher to show up to open the building, looked to have an average age of 45 years old.  I was feeling instantly better about the environment.  To avoid awkward silence, I started asking questions.

There was a man and a woman that I will guess to be in their mid to late sixties, who had arrived together and were as sweet as apple pie.  They answered all of my questions, coached me along during my first class even when I was flopping around like a overturned beetle.  I wasn't too proud to take coaching, support and pointers from this nice old couple.  I was just happy they weren't making fun of me!  In my next classes, they always remembered my name, helped me get settled in, and even invited to me to a social get-together they were having that weekend.  Just the sweetest people.

In a town of less than 800 people it is not only likely, but probable, that you will run into people in town.  With this couple, I saw them at the grocery store together dressed as trendy and cute as I have seen any "older" couple.  They were in great shape.  You know, after a year of interactions, I began to think of them as representative of all old, sweet, wonderful, happy, healthy married couples. 

On Saturday, after the majority of the class had cleared out and I was heading for the door, my heart was unexpectedly broken.  A fellow exercise buddy, told me the saddest news I have heard in a long time.  The dear sweet couple had broken up and he had left her for another woman. 

I just don't understand this.  I think TV and movies have ruined us.  We are being slowly trained to think that love is fireworks, butterflies in our stomachs, and kisses that make our insides tingle.  Those things all feel good, don't get me wrong, but to expect that feeling every single day for the rest of our lives is just immature.  After we have enjoyed the falling in love phase, we are able to enjoy the other wonderful feelings of a relationship.  The comfortable courtship of two adults who love each other and are having fun planning and living the rest of their lives is .  Children are raised.  Laughter and laundry are the sounds and smells of the house.  Meals are shared, stories told, and cuddles exchanged.  Then, when the children are grown, the fireworks and tingles are long gone, so many think that they have fallen out of love.

Not the case.  We are just ready to move on to the next stage of love.  This is the stage that I most look forward to.  The part where we know that no other person in the whole wide world knows more about us than our spouse.  We know each others stories of before we met and the rest of lives we have experienced together.  He will be able to predict my responses, emotions, and desires without me even speaking.  I will be able to do the same for him.  We might be comfortably side by side in our recliners, him with a news paper (if they even still print them anymore) and me with lifetime movies playing around the clock, but we will be together.  We will be able to look at each other and know that this person has loved me through difficult moments, through 20 extra pounds, through the darkest hours and loves me despite it all.  He is the one who held my hand when I gave birth to our children.  To me, that is the fireworks I am looking forward to!

To leave a spouse for greener grass is cheating yourself out of the real deep love that God has made us capable of.  Anyone can get tingly and excited about a first kiss with someone new, but never will you be able to feel that real true connection to another human being.  That thrill of knowing that His Story and Her Story became Our Story. 

It just breaks my heart to see a couple feel like they are missing something when the truth is, what they are going to miss is far better than butterflies in their stomachs.  My thoughts and prayers are with this couple.  I pray they see what they will miss before it is too late.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Any Requests?

I have been struggling with coming up with anything to share.  I wish I could share pregnancy symptoms and milestones but I can't.  I wish I could share some deep thoughts or inspiration, but tonight, I am lacking.  I have started and stopped typing about 20 different times.  Type.  Think.  Delete.  Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  

So instead of poor writing, I am going to share some pictures I took this weekend.  But before I go, if you all have any thing you would like to know more about, questions you would like me to answer, thought you are interested in hearing about, please leave me a comment and let me know. 

I am blessed.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Fertility Friday- Professional Baby Makers and Bedroom Mayhem

Fair Warning:  This post is going to talk about "baby dancing" (AKA sex, love making, intercourse, horizontal slam dance, gettin' jiggy, doing the deed, getting freaky, baby making, etc).  If any of those terms made you cringe or get a little nervous, please stop reading!  TMI is to come!

Getting pregnant is easy.  Pray, have sex, pray, get pregnant.  That is how is works for most people.  Then there are the pros.  The ones like you and me who have been forced to have baby making be a profession.  We might go to work for 8 hours a day, or parent children all day, but our mind is all about the baby making.  We spend every free moment googling a new trick, tip, technique, supplement, schedule, or position in hopes of taking home a tidbit of info that will be the secret key to making a baby this month.  So then the planning starts.  Ovulation approaches and we have the plan of attack.  It might be the every other day method, the as much as humanly possible method, the preseed and instead cup... you get the point.

In walks the husband.  After a pleasant dinner, small talk and the evenings typical activities, it is finally bedtime!
"Honey?  Are you ready for bed!?" we say as we are swallowing our prenatal vitamin and checking out our super positive OPK. 
"Oh.  But is is already almost 11:00pm and I have an early morning meeting at work.  How about tomorrow?
(TTC crowd groans)


"Hey sweetheart.  I got a smiley face on my OPK today!"
"Oh.  Okay."
(muffled sounds under bedsheets)
"Thanks honey."
"No problem."


"Hey, honey!  It's time!  We are gonna get wild tonight and make us one adorable baby!! Are you ready for a good time?!" as we grab the preseed and pillow to prop up our hips.
"Oh yeah!  I am right behind you!"
(insert some awkward disrobing and tangled sheets)
"Alright!  Mmm.... Uhhhh... Honey?"
"I don't know what is going on!  I want to do THIS!  I just can't seem to get cooperation from the Sarge."
After 20 minutes of failed attempts to convince Sarge to step up to the front lines, we are angry, frustrated, annoyed, and hurt.  Our husbands are embarrassed, confused, annoyed, and did I mention embarassed?

So what's the issue?  
While guys are always portrayed in the movies as sex fiends who want to bang pretty young things like mad, the truth is they are more sensitive than we give them credit for.  They can "put out" even when they aren't in the mood, but do it because they love us.  We know all about that, don't we?  But, when they are asked to put out every day or every other day on a schedule, it is hard for them not to feel a little... well... taken advantage of.  Some men have called sex during the fertile time, getting "sperm jacked."  They feel like if they could hand over their sperm with a handshake and a "Here you go Honey." we would be just as satisfied.  And sometimes, let's be honest, we would be.

Then, pile on top of that that they feel like, as a man, they should be able to get you pregnant, and it isn't happening... The self doubt, silent as can be, creeps into the bed room.  Guys are problem solvers and the problem is that we aren't pregnant.  They want so badly to fix that problem and when they "can't" they feel like less of a man.  This is where Sarge suddenly has a mental breakdown and really causes problems!

How to fix this?

Talk to your husband about his likes and dislikes in the bedroom.  Then, do the "likes" even when you aren't fertile!  This will help him to see that you desire him even when it isn't about catching the egg.

Sometimes sharing the ovulation information isn't always helpful.  If you feel the urge to share that you are about to ovulate, that is what message boards are for.  Lots of ladies will get excited for you to pop an egg.  Many guys... not so much. 

Identify a cue.  Find something that you both like that can cue the desire for some action.  Maybe a scented candle, a special dessert, a perfume, or lingerie.  Take a trip to the mall and have your husband pick something out for you.  Let him pick something that he really likes so that it can do all the talking when the time is of the essence. 

Another thing that might be worth sharing with our guys is the fact that God designed us to want the lovin' more when we are fertile.  So, it isn't that we ONLY want it then, it is just that we want it more and are more likely to initiate.  We aren't just trying to "sperm jack" them.  We are just hornier!

Another thing that is good to share with our fellas is that they aren't the only one who has had performance anxiety when trying to conceive.  And, even when we are so frustrated and visualizing our egg floating away, unfertilized and full of wasted potential, we need to remember that our husbands are our first priority.  Not having a child?  Manageable.  Not having him?  Unimaginable.

Do you have any tricks or tips you use to keep things from getting too routine?  

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Wordless Wednesday- Outakes

I take pictures almost every day. With that many pictures, there are bound to be the ones that never make it past the "cutting room". These are a a few of them. Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Answers and Answered Prayers

I am not sure what I expected from today's appointment with the RE.  Doug had a semen analysis and I had my hormone levels checked last month.  I am not sure why I hesitated to schedule an appointment to get the results.  I think I was so hopeful that I would turn up pregnant and it wouldn't matter what the results were.  Well, no such luck, and I figured it was finally time to get some answers.  I waited patiently for 2 weeks to meet with the doctor this morning.

As I drove to the appointment, alone with my thoughts, I prayed.  I asked God to let me leave the appointment with a sense of peace, clarity, and positivity.  I got to the office and found myself in an empty waiting room thumbing through a women's fashion magazine.  I was amazingly at ease.  I really think that God was already acting on my prayers.  I was in the room wondering if brand X make-up could really make me look younger instead of perseverating on if I would never have more children.  I was peaceful.

Then, the doctor himself came to the door and greeted me in the waiting room.  After a cheerful exchange we went into the office to chat.  Considering the fact that he was about to reveal to me the fate of my family, I was still peaceful.  I sat, and before I even had a chance to take a full breath, he spilled the results out in front of me.

"You're both fine."

"Really?" I said, not really surprised but maybe a bit confused.

"Really.  Your hormone levels are all normal.  That at-home FSH tests (First Response in case any of you were curious) may have picked up on a weird cycle.  Unlikely.  It is possible it detected something else in your urine like if you were too close to ovulation it may have picked up the LH (not the case- it was CD3).  Then the third possibility is that it was just b*llsh*t."

Have I mentioned how much I like my doctor?

So, here we are with a year of trying under our belts and nothing to show for it.  But, that isn't exactly true.  I could look at this with annoyance and frustration at not having any real reason for our issues, or I can thank God for giving me time to grow even closer to Him, allowing me to meet and become friends with so many of you, and giving me more time to appreciate His perfect timing.

The next step?  Doug and I still have to talk about if we want to try Clomid or not.  This will be a decision we will make together in the coming days, weeks, months.

So that is it.  Nothing.  But, God has answered my prayers because I have a sense of peace, clarity, and positivity.  What prayers has He answered for you?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Mother May I?

I have tried really hard in my blogging "career" to leave politics out of it.  I don't know why.  I am pretty sure that if I was going to offend someone, I probably would have already done it with this post, or this post.  So, if you are still with me after I said all of that, then I am just going to keep on voicing my opinions.  Hold on to your underwear!  This might get a little bumpy. 

I am sick of the government making laws for me that are basically governing how I raise my child.  My child's safety is of the utmost importance to me.  I do not need the government to tell me where and in what position I should seat my child in my car.  I welcome all of the information.  I will read it, watch it, learn it, and make my decisions.  My decision might very well be in agreement with the recommendations, but I want to make that decision.  I do not want to be shamed, fined, or scared into it by some group of bureaucrats that don't love my kid.

I am amazed that not only are people okay with the government laying down the law for us and our children, they are actually asking for it!  They want the law to reflect their beliefs.  I get that having a law that supports your personal choice is validating, but wait until the law makers start making laws that you don't agree with.  I know.  You are thinking that the government isn't going to do anything that isn't "good" for us.  I might even argue that the government isn't actively trying to hurt our children, but they don't know (or aren't sharing) the long term effects of their laws.

Humor me for a minute.  God made people in such a manner that walking, running, moving, and other activities are done in the direction our eyes face.  I would assume that this is for a number of very easy to imagine reasons.  Twenty years form now we might be looking at our kids all grown up and wonder why there is such a dramatic rise in learning disabilities and behavioral issues.  Then, 20 years after the damage was done, the government releases a new study that says traveling in a vehicle rear facing scrambles brain messages in the formative years.  The brain can't translate the information when not looking forward and as a result, our children will struggle with behavior and learning due to facing the back of the car for so long.  I totally made that up, but it could happen. Will we still be happy that the government made that decision for us?

What happens when the law makers say that we can't feed our children cheeseburgers because they are fattening and lead to obesity.  Candy will also be illegal because not only does it contribute to an unhealthy lifestyle, it increases the likelihood of diabetes. Because some parents don't know how to limit treats, we will all have to pay the price.  Oh, and if your husband has dreams of your little boy being the next Brett Farvre, football will be illegal too.  Too many head injuries.  Your little girl wants to be a ballerina?  Sorry, dollface.  Too many dancers struggle with anorexia and bulimia so ballet will be illegal too.  If we stand by and graciously accept the rules they make for us, even when they are "safer", "better", and "healthier," we are paving the way for them to make every single decision we currently have.  

The bottom line is that they are just training us, and therefore training our children, to follow the leader.  Whatever they say must be right and good.  We are letting go of more and more of our rights willingly.  By the time our kids are grown ups, they will not know what it is like to be able to make an informed decision.  They will simply look up on their mobile computer what the government tells them they are permitted to do.  We are handing lawmakers our children's rights and thanking them in one swift motion.

Come on parents!  Let's raise our kids to make their own decisions!  They will be bright enough to know what is best for them if we guide and teach them by example.  If we are constantly looking to the government to tell us what is right, then our kids will do it too.  Do we train our kids to ask God as swiftly as we are training them to ask the lawmakers?  God, I hope so.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Fertility Jewelry

Seriously!  Have any of you heard of fertility jewelry?  I know this may sound a little pompous, but I thought I had heard of everything related to fertility until I saw these!  These lovely bracelets are all designed to enhance fertility!  So when the offered to let me try one, I jumped at the opportunity!  Do you know what is even better?  They are going to let me try one while one of you gets to do the same!  If you aren't trying to conceive, these would make a cute gift for a bachelorette party, or any girlfriend who you know is trying for children. 

I chose the Rose Quartz fertility bracelet because of it's simplicity, femininity, and because it is just my style.  They have several others but this design was my favorite!

This is from their website:
Many cultures have long believed in that the natural fertility energies from the stones could help them to conceive and get pregnant.  In celebration of their fertility and rights of passage into womanhood, they would actually sew the fertility stones into their garments.
Modern traditions support the belief that certain gemstones can aid those women thought to be infertile to enhance her chances to conceive. Whether or not fertility bracelets and jewelry really hold the power to increase your fertility can only be decided by you after you have worn your fertility bracelet, fertility charm or other piece of fertility jewelry after a while.

If you are interested in getting a Rose Quartz fertility bracelet with me enter below!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Random Humor and Observations

I feel like I have so much going on but simply nothing to write about.  At least nothing that most of you would find interesting so I have decided that I am going to do some random weekend thoughts. 
  • No parenting magazine, or veteran mother could have prepared me for how disgusted I would be to find a booger wall while making my son's bed.  
  • I love that a diaper company has started making diapers that pull up for those squirmy babies.  That is, until I realized that a diaper that pulls up is not going to make diaper changes any easier when your baby likes to contort himself into a sideways handstand while his bottom is covered in poop.  Holding a child such that wiping is able to be completed,  and them strapping a diaper onto him is no harder than putting on something with leg holes.  
  • Buying pregnancy tests with two kids in tow is about as awkward as buying an 3 gallon bucket of Vaseline.  
  • A few days ago I was driving through the mall area of the next closest city.  In the middle of all of the restaurants, bars, gas stations, Target and Kohls, is a very shiny and ornate building.  Years and years ago, it had once been a Chinese restaurant where I was a bartender.  It now houses a strip club.  I kid you not when I say that, at one time, they still served Chinese food out the back door.  Not shocked when that didn't last long.  But I digress... Gavin asked me this week, "What's that place?!"  I stuttered, stammered, choosing my words wisely, "It is some sort of restaurant, I think."  As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I wish I would have considered that Gavin might want to go to a shiny, pretty restaurant.  Then, thankfully Gavin corrected me and pointed again.  This time he said, "No mom! The one with the blue sign.  What's THAT place?" "Oh!  That place is a Goodyear.  They change tires."  Phew!  I have already decided that if Gavin wants to go the the shiny restaurant I will tell him that they only serve vegetables.  
  • With as much as I want Gavin to be completely independent in the bathroom, the thought of him wiping AND being responsible for washing his hands adequately is petrifying.  
  •  I am thoroughly convinced that Joey sneaks out of his crib at night and digs with his fingers in the garden.  I also don't understand how it is that I don't notice any of the dirt until we have left the house.  A lot like the fact that my kids look clean to me when I put them in the car.  Once arriving somewhere, that is when I notice their hair is standing up in the back, they have sticky faces from breakfast, and there is some unidentifiable stuff between the baby's fingers. That might be why I choose to go to Walmart.  We'll blend in.  
  • I'm ready for a vacation. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Authentic Garden Fresh Salsa

What do you do with a 5 gallon bucket of garden fresh tomatoes you ask?  Salsa, of course!  Last year, when we found ourselves with an overflow of tomatoes we tried our hand at salsa and our first ever attempt at canning.  It was... disgusting.  The recipe called for so much vinegar that the salsa tasted like... wait for it.... wait for it... vinegar.  Now, there were relatives that claimed that they liked it.  We think they lied.

This year, we were determined to make a salsa that tasted like our favorite Mexican restaurant.  You know the kind, the real authentic mexican restaurant where when you walk in, you aren't sure if anyone who works there speaks any English.  I love those places!  Mostly because their salsa is so awesome!

After a couple of attempts this is the recipe I am prepared to pass along.  This recipe will make a ton of salsa- about a quart and a half- but it is so good you'll be glad you made this much!

What you will need:
3 pounds of tomatoes
3/4 of a large onion
1 jalapeno pepper
1/2 cup fresh cilantro
1 clove of garlic
1 can of green chillies
1 Tbls Lime juice
1/4 tsp sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cumin

Our procedure:
Using a food processor (I'm sure a big blender would work too) I pulsed the onion, jalapeno pepper (I removed the seeds), cilantro, and garlic until finely chopped.

Then I poured that mixture into a separate bowl so that I could pulse the tomatoes separately.  If you choose to do it together, you risk overfilling the processor and/or liquifying the tomatoes before the other ingredients are chopped. 

We skinned and seeded the tomatoes by throwing them into boiling water for about 30 seconds, then dunking them into ice water.  The skin will peel of easily.  Then by gently squeezing the tomato the seeds and liquidy stuff will also come out.  But be careful!  It can shoot out of the fruit in a direction you were not expecting.  In fact, the back splash in the kitchen, earned it's name tonight!

Then after squeezing as much of the liquid out by hand, I put them into the food processor and pulsed it until it was not chunky, but not too smooth either.

We then combined those two items in a large bowl and added the green chillies (gently drained), salt, sugar, cumin, and lime juice.

Mix it all together and enjoy!!!  

We made 3 batches and pressure canned it so we can enjoy this garden fresh salsa well into the winter! 
Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Blessed Enough?

I was asked an interesting question in an email and I thought is was worthy of becoming a post.  A reader asked me if I ever get funny looks when I say I want more children even though I already have two.  The short answer is, "Occassionally."

The longer answer is that sometimes I worry what others might think when I say I want a large family.  But, I have prayed about having more children.  God has made it clear to me that my family is not yet complete.  I have never been one to say that I want two kids and then I will be done.  I honestly believe that by saying I only want X number of kids, is like saying that God's opinion doesn't count.  I think God knows how many kids I will have.  From the start, my answer to, "How many children are you going to have?" has always been, "However many God's wants me to have."

Right now, I am thrilled with my two children.  They mean everything to me.  I just know that when I am done having children, God will give me a sense of peace.  A feeling of completion.  But right now, there is room for more love in my heart and home. 

Risking going a little off topic, I think that I grew up in the wrong era.  I wish everyone had families like our grandparents, and great grandparents did.  They got married and made babies.  Other than abstinence, they let God decide how many babies they were meant to have.  It was rare that a woman 100 years ago said, I only want to have one child.  They opened their hearts and homes to all of the children that God wanted them to have.  Now, women want to plan their family as it will best suit their timing, plans, needs, etc.  Then, when they think they are ready, they want God to chip in and do His part. I think it should be the opposite. I will always make my womb available for God to bless me with another one of His miracles.

Does that make me greedy?  No.  It makes me faithful.  Am I happy with the two kids I have?  More than words can express.  Does it make me a bad person because I want more children?  If it is God will, then it is a good thing that I am in agreement with Him!  Can I ask myself another question and answer it myself?  Yes.  Yes, I can.
Sunday, September 11, 2011

So Blessed

I am still waiting for my next cycle to start and I know that it inevitably will.  I hate that the last week I felt every symptom I thought was going to end with a positive test only to be fooled again.  It is hard to stay positive every month but I know that one day, my time will come again.  I may get "lapped" as people get pregnant, show off cute bumps,  and have babies and I am still waiting to start the race, but I just have to keep reminding myself that my turn will come.  I also remind myself that if God gave me everything I ever asked for as soon as I asked for it, I would have a lot of things, but none would be as special as my precious husband and adorable children. 

I think Joey could tell that I was having a tough day.  I was laying on the floor watching some of the 9/11 remembrance stuff and he crawled up to me, climbed on top of me, all just so he could rest his head on my chest.  It was a perfect reminder to be thankful for what God has blessed me with.

So, with that in mind, I took a hike to admire all of the beautiful things God has blessed us with.  That, and to get some more practice with my new camera.  These are some of the things I saw today.

Even though we are not yet adding to our family, how can I not feel blessed to be surrounded with so many beautiful creations of God?  On to the next cycle for me.

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