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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, September 23, 2011

Fertility Friday- Professional Baby Makers and Bedroom Mayhem

Fair Warning:  This post is going to talk about "baby dancing" (AKA sex, love making, intercourse, horizontal slam dance, gettin' jiggy, doing the deed, getting freaky, baby making, etc).  If any of those terms made you cringe or get a little nervous, please stop reading!  TMI is to come!

Getting pregnant is easy.  Pray, have sex, pray, get pregnant.  That is how is works for most people.  Then there are the pros.  The ones like you and me who have been forced to have baby making be a profession.  We might go to work for 8 hours a day, or parent children all day, but our mind is all about the baby making.  We spend every free moment googling a new trick, tip, technique, supplement, schedule, or position in hopes of taking home a tidbit of info that will be the secret key to making a baby this month.  So then the planning starts.  Ovulation approaches and we have the plan of attack.  It might be the every other day method, the as much as humanly possible method, the preseed and instead cup... you get the point.

In walks the husband.  After a pleasant dinner, small talk and the evenings typical activities, it is finally bedtime!
"Honey?  Are you ready for bed!?" we say as we are swallowing our prenatal vitamin and checking out our super positive OPK. 
"Oh.  But is is already almost 11:00pm and I have an early morning meeting at work.  How about tomorrow?
(TTC crowd groans)

OR

"Hey sweetheart.  I got a smiley face on my OPK today!"
"Oh.  Okay."
(muffled sounds under bedsheets)
"Thanks honey."
"No problem."

OR

"Hey, honey!  It's time!  We are gonna get wild tonight and make us one adorable baby!! Are you ready for a good time?!" as we grab the preseed and pillow to prop up our hips.
"Oh yeah!  I am right behind you!"
(insert some awkward disrobing and tangled sheets)
"Alright!  Mmm.... Uhhhh... Honey?"
"I don't know what is going on!  I want to do THIS!  I just can't seem to get cooperation from the Sarge."
After 20 minutes of failed attempts to convince Sarge to step up to the front lines, we are angry, frustrated, annoyed, and hurt.  Our husbands are embarrassed, confused, annoyed, and did I mention embarassed?

So what's the issue?  
While guys are always portrayed in the movies as sex fiends who want to bang pretty young things like mad, the truth is they are more sensitive than we give them credit for.  They can "put out" even when they aren't in the mood, but do it because they love us.  We know all about that, don't we?  But, when they are asked to put out every day or every other day on a schedule, it is hard for them not to feel a little... well... taken advantage of.  Some men have called sex during the fertile time, getting "sperm jacked."  They feel like if they could hand over their sperm with a handshake and a "Here you go Honey." we would be just as satisfied.  And sometimes, let's be honest, we would be.

Then, pile on top of that that they feel like, as a man, they should be able to get you pregnant, and it isn't happening... The self doubt, silent as can be, creeps into the bed room.  Guys are problem solvers and the problem is that we aren't pregnant.  They want so badly to fix that problem and when they "can't" they feel like less of a man.  This is where Sarge suddenly has a mental breakdown and really causes problems!

How to fix this?

Talk to your husband about his likes and dislikes in the bedroom.  Then, do the "likes" even when you aren't fertile!  This will help him to see that you desire him even when it isn't about catching the egg.

Sometimes sharing the ovulation information isn't always helpful.  If you feel the urge to share that you are about to ovulate, that is what message boards are for.  Lots of ladies will get excited for you to pop an egg.  Many guys... not so much. 

Identify a cue.  Find something that you both like that can cue the desire for some action.  Maybe a scented candle, a special dessert, a perfume, or lingerie.  Take a trip to the mall and have your husband pick something out for you.  Let him pick something that he really likes so that it can do all the talking when the time is of the essence. 

Another thing that might be worth sharing with our guys is the fact that God designed us to want the lovin' more when we are fertile.  So, it isn't that we ONLY want it then, it is just that we want it more and are more likely to initiate.  We aren't just trying to "sperm jack" them.  We are just hornier!

Another thing that is good to share with our fellas is that they aren't the only one who has had performance anxiety when trying to conceive.  And, even when we are so frustrated and visualizing our egg floating away, unfertilized and full of wasted potential, we need to remember that our husbands are our first priority.  Not having a child?  Manageable.  Not having him?  Unimaginable.

Do you have any tricks or tips you use to keep things from getting too routine?  




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