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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Saturday, April 30, 2011

Neat Idea!

A friend of mine, Jill at Skinny Bean, started this as an award but, I hope she doesn't mind that I am going to switch it up a bit. Rather than offer an award, I am going to pick 3 blogs to feature each weekend. I will let whoever I have chosen know that they are being featured on my homepage for the week. Should they feel called to do so, they may put my button on their homepage for the week as well. This is certainly not a requirement-just a great way to network.

Thank you Jill for this amazing idea!

Skinny Bean

Overtired Mommy

And a note to my other blog friends please make buttons and send me the code for them! I would love to make a page of blog buttons but the vast majority of blogs that I follow do not have buttons.

Friday, April 29, 2011

A Pet-Peeve and a Promise

I love Facebook. I love that it has allowed me to reconnect with people from high school and college that otherwise would have disappeared into the world. I love that it has enabled me to connect with other moms, and moms-to-be. But, one thing that drives me absolutely insane is the, almost daily, "repost this" post. Sometimes it is the cheesy, "If you love your kids- repost this," "If you have gay friends- repost this," or the really annoying ones are phrased more like, "If you are not ashamed of ... your kids, your parents, your spouse.... repost this." Ugg. Why are the internet people trying to guilt me into publicly announcing that I love someone? Why does it matter to the world if I am "too embarrassed" to admit that I love someone who has irritable bowel syndrome?

So that is the pet peeve. Here is my promise. I promise that despite the fact that I have not reposted all of the "repost this" posts, I do love my children, my husband, and my parents. I do support cancer research. I do hope that they find a cause and a cure for Autism. I do know that God is my creator and that I owe everything I have to Him. So instead of reposting some pre-written proclamation of faith and love, I will voice my thoughts when I have an opportunity and when it is appropriate. Specifically when it comes to God, we often hold back our real feelings out of fear of offending someone, sounding like a religious whack job, or like we are shoving our faith down others' throats. Instead, we talk about Mother Nature when we mean God. We talk about being lucky when we mean we are blessed. We say "if it is in the cards" when we mean "if it is God's will."

I will not ask anyone to re-post anything but I do ask that you share this page with others if you are willing to give up the fear of speaking about God. Although we may feel otherwise, we are the majority. I think if we start speaking up and stop withholding our faith we will not only help make this world a better place, we can help others who are lost, find their way to an eternity with our Lord.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I'm a Guest Blogger!

In recognition of National Infertility Awareness Week I have a post featured HERE on I Thought I Knew Mama. I talk about my losses and how I struggle with knowing where I fit in the world of Infertility. Please stop by and read it and see all that I Thought I Knew Mama has to offer! She is a natural parenting, cloth diapering, baby led weaning mama with a lot of really informative articles.

I Thought I Knew Mama: A window into the adventures of stay at home mamahood, natural parenting, & green and healthy living

Monday, April 25, 2011

Checking Out

I have probably touched on this before but I happen to think that have inherited the longevity gene. I have lived 34 years of life, almost 35, and have only been to 2 funerals. Each was for a grandparent. I have never had to deal with an instance of a young, healthy, surprise passing of a friend or relative. I haven't even had a relative pass away of an illness. I do have an aunt with advanced cancer who is in her late 50s but she has been doing chemo treatments and seems to be doing quite well. So, with all of this being my experience it is so hard for me to fathom the fact that today, for any number of reasons, might be my last day on Earth.

On Saturday evening, Doug and I were getting ready for our date night. We were getting the boys packed up to go to "Nana" and "Papo's" house for the evening. As I was doing a last minute diaper change, I started feeling a stabbing pain in the top left side of my head. It wasn't so painful that I did much more than put my hand to my head and wonder, "What in the world is this?" I don't get headaches unless I have skipped my morning coffee so a strange pain, unlike any other headache I have ever had, made me think.

Everyone has at least heard a tragic story of a healthy person just dying. I am not a hypochondriac. Aside from my recurrent miscarriages, I am probably one of the healthiest people I know. No allergies, no broken bones, no diseases, you get the point. But a moment or two after the first onset of the sharp pain in my head I thought to myself, "What if this is it? Maybe I am going to fall over dead from a brain aneurysm." I wasn't kidding either. I had a moment where I thought that I could possibly be experiencing my last moments of life.

I really was amazed, and rather impressed if I do say so myself, that my first thoughts weren't of sadness. I thought of God. I thought to myself that while I am far from being free of sin, I have faith that death is the start of something very beautiful. A journey to eternity. I thought that if it was God's will for that day to be my last then, since there was nothing I would be able to do about it, I should be excited about the next chapter.

A few minutes later the stabbing pain subsided and I continued packing the kids up and deciding what I would order for dinner at the new restaurant we were going to. I didn't mention my little "episode" to Doug that night. It was almost like it was a personal moment between God and I and I wasn't eager to share it. Then Easter morning we were off on another adventure.

I was getting ready for church and Doug was entertaining the boys. Doug put Joey down and told me that he was in pain. He went upstairs and I could hear him moaning and groaning in obvious pain. I know that Doug will argue with me about this when her reads this post but... Doug (and all guys, I think) can be a bit dramatic when they aren't feeling well. It is like they have a pass on being manly and can turn into big 'ol babies when they don't feel well. So, I didn't race up there right away. Then I heard heaving and moaning and groaning. Then, I thought that I should probably see what the problem was. He was clutching his stomach and chest and said he was in terrible pain. He was sweaty and there were tears in his eyes. I asked him if he thought we should go to the Emergency Room. This is when I thought, if he is just being dramatic, he'll pass on the ER and opt for some wifely attention. When, without hesitation, he said 'yes' to the ER I knew that he was really really in pain.

My parents came to pick up the boys. This is one of those times where it is great to have parents living on the same property. Withing 5 minutes the boys were picked up and we were in the truck and on the way to the ER. But, before my parents were able to leave with the boys, Doug insisted on kissing them goodbye. Without him explaining anything to me, I knew that he was concerned for his health and thought that maybe these were his last moments. Doug's story ended just as uneventfully as mine did. The only difference is that his is going to get billed to us in a few weeks as very expensive gas pain.

I don't mean this to be a depressing "we are going to die" post but I do think it is important to live each day as if it is our last. I think a lot of young healthy people think that they have plenty of time to fix things between them and God. They will get to church when the kids are older and won't interrupt service. They will read the Bible when they have more time. They will think of eternity when they are laying on their death bed and ask God for forgiveness for all of their sins. We could leave this world in a flash. With no warning. Maybe today is a good day to think about God and where we stand with Him.
Saturday, April 23, 2011

I Would Like to Thank the Academy...

Thank you so much to CCC at It was the best of times, and the worst of times... for giving me The Versatile Blogger Award!

The rules of the award are as follows:
1.Link back to the person/s that gave you the award.
2.Award other bloggers the award-- 15 recently discovered bloggers.
3.Contact the bloggers that you have awarded to let them know that they have won.
4.Tell 7 things about yourself ( I suppose they should be lesser known facts to the blogworld!)

In no particular order:

Another Day Stronger - I stumbled upon this blog a few months ago and it has changed my life forever. After losing her precious daughter to SIDS she is climbing up from her darkest days and sharing her honest and heart breaking journey.

Skinny Bean - This is a blog of a friend of mine who is very new but off and running! Her blog is about one mom's journey to slim her waistline while fattening her wallet.

Life Goes On - A blog about her journey of faith, pain, and healing. In progress... I am a new follower but she has a really great writing style and I look forward to following her journey.

Tales of Minor Interest- SchmoopyBaby and More - This is a really cute blog too! I must admit that I am following this blogger for a few reasons. One, she is also a pregnancy loss survivor. Two, Doug has called me Schmoopy for almost as long as we have been married. If he dared call me that in public he would really be in big trouble!!!

The Tater Twins- I have been "internet" friends for a few years now. While our friendship was founded on our appreciation for squinting at pregnancy tests, she has really taught me a lot about blogging. She is a mother of three angels in heaven and several children here on Earth including two adorable twin boys! I always look forward to her posts.

I Thought I Knew Mama - This is another new one for me but I was captured by her post entitled Sound Bites from a Miscarriage Journey.

Chronicles of an Overtired Mommy- This is another cute blog with fun stories and a lot of reviews and giveaways.

Searching For Serenity - I happened upon this blog not long ago and am touched by her strength after delivering her son born still at 16 weeks. I am new to her blog but look forward to following her journey.

My New Heartbeat- A really new find for me. Every post I read leaves me with a smile. Definitely worth checking out!

If I don't have you listed it isn't that I don't love your blog. I just could have been working on this post ALL day!

Seven Things About Me:
  1. I can't seem to get enough of crime shows. Dateline. 48 Hours. Really, anything that lets me pretend I am an investigator or member of a jury. My DVR is full of 'em.
  2. I hate washing silverware. Dishes, glasses, pots, pans, are not an issue. Just silverware. It is such a disliked task that we buy plastic silverware in bulk. I know... not very green of me. I'm ashamed but not enough to like washing silverware.
  3. If there is a spider or any other creepy crawly thing I go totally girly and shiver and cringe. If it happens that I see one of said bugs when my husband is not home, somehow I manage to "take care of business" with minimal issue.
  4. Since potty training my son, he insists on knowing whether I am "making pee or poop" when he sees me sneak into the bathroom. Inquiring minds apparently need to know.
  5. We live on a farm and are in the midst of calving season. Out of the 5 calves that have been born (we have a few left to deliver) ALL have been boys. In past years we have always had about 70% boys. I am starting to think that there is something literally "in the water" around here.
  6. I have an addiction to Coke. The drink of course. I don't keep it in the house because I would drink it all day. I have to buy it in 20 oz. bottles one at a time in order to ration it.
  7. There is a commercial on TV that makes be giggle every time it is on. It is for bread. They pronounce it BEEM-Bo but it is spelled Bimbo. Seriously. Who do they think they are fooling? I will never make my kid a PB&J on Bimbo Bread. And one of the funniest parts of the commercial is that a little boy picks up his Bimbo Bread lunch box to go to school. Something tells me that he would get really tired of saying, "It's BEEM-Bo!" Ha Ha Ha

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

What Can I Do for YOU?

I know that when going through a hard time, whether it be miscarriage, loss of a child, or really, any heartbreak at all, it is easy to feel alone. This seems to be the time that I most often hear people feel like they have been abandoned by God. They feel like God is punishing them. They wonder if God exists and if He does, He certainly isn't hearing their prayers. My heart truly breaks for these lost souls. It is so hard to count ones blessings when going through a loss. I know how cliche it sounds to say, "It could be worse." But the truth is, even though you might not think it could possibly be any worse, it always can.

Someone on Facebook posted a status that really made me think. It read, "What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today?" It was a great reminder of all of the little things that we take for granted. I am thankful for the ability to feed my family. I am thankful for a warm house. I am thankful for all of the wonderful family members I have who would help me though anything. I am so thankful for my husband and, of course, for my wonderful children. So, now, when I think of what I really wish I had, I take that time to thank Him for all that I do have because... it really could be worse.

To those who feel like God isn't hearing them or feels that He isn't answering their prayers, I challenge them to try something different. Instead of making a request list to God, open your hearts and let God make a request list of you. I know that many of us want to think that God exists to make us happy, but the truth is we are on Earth to serve Him. We have been created by Him to do His will and somewhere along the way we have tried to switch positions on this. So, today, even though we have a list a mile and a half long that we wish God would hurry up and make happen, lets put our lists away and make a new list. Lets see what we can do for Him. Those who do His will and serve Him will be blessed.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Let Me Tell You About My Day

I don't know why I thought that taking Gavin along with me to Joey's 9 month check-up would be a good idea. It is stressful enough to manage a naked, antsy, teething, poop machine on a paper lined table and then, I go an add a 3 year old to the mix. I decided that I was going to use one of the few "golden ticket" items in my arsenal to ensure good behavior. Dangling chocolate milk in front of Gavin is like dangling a pint of Chubby Hubby Ice Cream in front of me. With only a couple of reminders Gavin did fairly well. Well, behavior wise he did well. I decided to use Gavin to help me keep Joey entertained as we waited for the doctor. I instructed Gavin to stand in front of Joey and play peek-a-boo by peeking up from underneath the exam table. Great idea, right? Not so much. Gavin popped up and down a couple of times and Joey smiled and laughed. Then Gavin popped up too close to the table and hit his face on the table. He screamed and cried and I thought for sure that a nurse would be coming in to check on us but no one came. I was thankful since Gavin was really okay and just startled.

Then as the tears slowed down, I noticed the international sign of "I have to go potty". Almost at the same moment as me noticing the pee-pee dance, he tells me he has to go potty. So I venture out with Joey draped over my arm in search of the bathroom. I find someone who points me in the right direction and thankfully it isn't far. Today, for whatever reason, he decided he wanted to stand to pee. This was fine with me but I wasn't sure how good his aim was and didn't want to discover it was bad in a pediatrician's bathroom. So I helped him aim. Again, Joey draped uncomfortably over one arm and me pointing Gavin in the right direction with the other hand. About 10 seconds later and Gavin still hadn't started peeing he changed his mind about standing up to pee which was welcome news since I didn't think I could continue the balancing act for much longer. Gavin turned, sat on the potty, and held himself in the right direction just as he does at home. I never heard any pee hit the water so I was surprised when he announced he was done.

"Oh? You are done already? Are you sure?"

"Yep! I'm all done!"

Then he stood up and then my worst nightmare had come true. There was pee all over the back of his pants and underwear. He hadn't held himself down far enough and just peed all over the back of his clothes. Seriously?! I got Gavin back into the exam room with my arm about to fall off from the tremendous weight of Joey. I confirmed what I already knew. I didn't have any extra clothes with me for Gavin. So, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I can't be the first mom in the world to find myself with a wet kid and no clothes. I may not win Mom of the Year but I can't be the worst mom ever. I found some comfort in that. I gave him Joey's blanket to cover up with.

A few minutes later, the doctor knocks on the door and comes in. He does his typical greeting and hellos and then looks at Gavin and asks him what's wrong. I offer the abridged version of the previous 15 minutes events. As I am explaining the saga, I look over my shoulder at Gavin in the chair and notice that his nose is bleeding. Wow. Now I have a cold, naked, uncomfortable baby along with a crying, wet, bloody 3 year old.

Ahhh... The joys of motherhood! I am thankful for every story I get to tell like this. I love the fact that my life never has a dull moment anymore. I love that every day ends with a funny story or a funny thing that one of the kids did or said. I thank God for every day I have with my family. Each day is a gift even if sometimes it feels like a gag gift!
Monday, April 18, 2011

Can I Get some Patience STAT?

"What, Honey?"
"Gavin, I said 'what' twice already. What do you need?"
"Oh. Okay mom. Uh.... Mom?"

"I'm done resting, mom. Can I get up?"
"Not yet honey. It has only been 5 minutes."
"But I'm not tired. I want to get up."
"I'll let you know when it is time to get up."
"Okay. How 'bout now?"
"Gavin. Honey. Get some rest okay."
"How 'bout now? How 'bout now? How 'bout now?"

While I could probably come up with about 15 examples of times where Gavin has made me want to pull out my hair, he always manages to make it all worth while. Yesterday, I was coming home from the grocery store. As I pulled up to the house, I see Doug sitting in the front yard with Gavin sitting on his lap. Gavin's eyes peeked around his hood and without seeing his mouth I knew he was smiling. In his little hand was the most beautiful bouquet of dandelions spilling over the top of his hand. I took an extra second to park the car because I had to take a mental photograph of that adorable image. After the car was parked, Gavin stood up and ran over to me and says, "Mommy! I picked these just for you!" Doug told me that as Gavin picked the dandelions he said, "Mommy will think these are the most beautiful flowers!" In that one moment, he reminded me why I love being a mom.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Getting What I Want

When I was growing up, I was what many people would call spoiled. Not so much with my mother, but my father had a really hard time saying no. As a matter of fact, he still does. Gavin has learned this at an earlier age than even I did. Either that, or my dad has actually gotten softer. It is hard for me to believe that is possible. If I wanted something, anything, I would always ask my dad.

"I don't want to clean my room before I go over to Jen's house to play. I promise to clean it when I come back." My dad would try to stick to his guns and say, "Your mom told you you had to clean your room before you went anywhere." Then I would inevitably play the card that all girls have at one point or another. Turn on the tears.

"But Daaaaaad... " would precede any somewhat relevant explanation of why THAT simply wouldn't work for my schedule or meet my needs. I would beg. I would sob. I would plead. Promise. Cry more. And then after a few minutes of this song and dance I would be skipping off to Jen's house. I was a master of my craft.

Maybe this is why I am having such a hard time with yet another month passing without a baby on board. I have always been able to get what I want without too much effort. A little crying. I little begging. A couple of promises later I get what I want. But when it comes to God, that isn't the way things work.

Unlike my father who only wanted to see me happy, God wants what is good, right, and perfect for His plan. As I sit and await the arrival of my monthly visitor, I remind myself that God is only going to give me what I need. That doesn't mean that I won't cry. It doesn't mean that I won't mourn the loss of another opportunity to experience pregnancy. It doesn't mean that I won't get pangs of jealousy when others around me announce pregnancies. It certainly doesn't mean that I won't turn into an emotional mess when I live vicariously through a stranger on a TV show giving birth. It just means that I obviously didn't really need to be pregnant right now.

It is tough to be a grown-up and know the difference between what I want and what I need. Today, I decided that since God knows that I don't yet need to be pregnant then I must need to do something else. Perhaps it is that sink full of dishes.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Baby Denied

I wish I could do a better, more in-depth review of the Baby Confirm pregnancy tests but unfortunately I was only able to confirm that there is no baby for me. The good news for anyone looking to satisfy an uncontrollable urge to pee on sticks with wicks well, you are in luck! The dip stick tests are as inexpensive as I have seen. They are small tests though so be prepared that when you pull the strip from the wrapper you hands might momentarily appear to be humongous. That illusion will fade once you realize that the strip is just very small. I used those strips and never once did I get the fake out line that I always seem to get on the other cheap dip strips. Not even a hint of a line. I stared at those little strips that I started to go cross-eyed and couldn't imagine a line on them.
The midstream tests are also small. As pregnancy tests go, they are adorable. Be forewarned. They are the thicker dip strip tests just encased in plastic. At first I was a little let down until I realized that all an expensive pregnancy test is is a big fat dip strip test enclosed in a plastic case so... these are just smaller and cuter. I think the advantage of the plastic case is that the test never gets the "evap" or evaporation line from drying in the open air. The plastic case made sure that my negative test stayed very negative no matter what light I held it in or what direction it was tilted. I tried so hard to see lines on all of these tests but nothing showed up.
I do have 2 more of the midstream tests and two dip strips left over so maybe next month I can manage to see what one of the Baby Confirm pregnancy tests looks like with two pink lines.

A couple other perks I should share is that each box of midstream pregnancy tests that you buy comes with a free ovulation test. Also, when my order arrived there is a coupon code for returning customers for 5% off your next purchase. Not a huge discount but worth mentioning.

Happy Testing! If anyone buys these tests and gets a positive test, I would love for you to share a picture with me. Feel free to email them to me at the contact email at the top of the page.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Dreaming About Next Time

I am pretty certain that the next baby I want to keep the gender a surprise. With Gavin, about 30 seconds after I saw PREGNANT on the test, I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. Doug was in the same boat. At an ultrasound at just over 15 weeks the technician asked me if we were finding out the gender. I said, "Yes! But it is too early to tell now, right?" Doug wasn't with me since I just assumed that there would be nothing remarkable at this ultrasound. The technician had a big smile and asked if I wanted to know. Now." After about 3.2 seconds of very thorough consideration I said, "Yes! I want to know!" She warned me not to buy everything in blue just yet and if I did, to keep the receipt just in case but she was pretty confident that he was a boy. We were thrilled!

When I was pregnant with Joey I was kind of hoping for a gender surprise but Doug wanted to hear nothing of it. I must admit that he didn't have to do much to persuade me. I posted the whole story about finding out that I was expecting another boy in a post called As Long As She's Healthy. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled initially. Because my pregnancy was night and day compared to Gavin's, I was sure that I was having a girl. It didn't take a really long time to get excited about Joey being a boy, but it makes me feel a little guilty about not being excited about the news. I should have been jumping for joy that I was pregnant with a healthy baby boy. How horrible of me that I was, even for a second, not recognizing how blessed I truly was to be carrying a baby in my stomach that was healthy. I still feel bad about this.

So the next time I become pregnant I want to be surprised. I think that God's design of women is nothing short of miraculous. He designed our bodies to host, grow, deliver and feed another human being. (That is probably a post for another day.) I think that immediately after delivering Joey, that euphoria that I felt when his weight rested on my stomach was instant (something). Honestly, I can't find a word that really represents that feeling. That love wrapped up in excitement, peppered with the knowledge that my world was never going to be the same again. I think that at that exact moment is the best time to find out the gender of my baby. If I am blessed to have a third boy I am sure that there will not be one split second of regret. It is easy to feel let down when your eagerly anticipated baby isn't much more than a black and white fuzzy picture on a screen every few months. Even though the books and websites tell you that there is a human being growing inside of you, and you are reminded of it with jabs and pokes and kicks, it is almost a foreign language until the birth. I can only imagine that when a pink, crying baby with arms flailing about, locks eyes with me I am going to be overjoyed to have whatever gender God felt was right for my family. That moment is when God intends for me to learn the gender. It will be hard to wait but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Okay... now if only I could get a couple of lines on a pregnancy test. I will do a more in-depth review of the Baby Confirm pregnancy tests in a future post but for now I will say that they have given me a very clear negative on both the dipstick and the midstream tests. Not even a hint of an evaporation line. It is still early so I am not ready to give up hope just yet.
Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Pregnant Side of Infertility

When I was pregnant with Gavin I kept the pregnancy a secret for all of about 3 weeks. Then the news started trickling out to some of my work friends, then family, then some extended family. I figured that anyone that I hadn't told would find out from word of mouth since one of the perks of a loud Italian family is that word travels fast! Apparently everyone knew the good news except for one person. No one bothered to share the news with a cousin of mine. She was never able to have children of her own and, understandably, struggled with pregnancy news or baby talk. So, none of her immediate family members chose to offer up the heartbreaking news about the "baby cousin" (me) being pregnant. While that made life easier for her family temporarily, it didn't make life any easier for either of us.

It was an October bonfire and impromptu family get-together. I greeted family with waves and hugs as always and then I saw Tracy. She looked at me, down at my belly, then back at me. She uttered what I am sure were the only words she could think to say as she was unexpectedly dealing with the Miscarriage and Infertility Phenomenon. She said, "Well, I see you didn't wait long." with obvious disdain in her voice. "How did I not know this?" I was pretty irritated with her sisters and parents for not sharing the news with her in a private way. We were both blind-sided.

I was trying my best to keep the conversation short and sweet so that we could put it behind us and go on to enjoy the get together. "Well, I am not getting any younger so..." As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to crawl into a hole. I probably couldn't have chosen worse words to explain my pregnancy to a woman 10 years my senior. Turning away from me she made a pained comment about her age, and that was the end of the conversation. While I was so sorry for the situation, I didn't know the pain that she was feeling until after my losses. It was like a light switch was turned on. "OH! So THAT is why my pregnancy bothered her so much!" If only life had a do over button.

Luckily for me, I had an opportunity to redeem myself. When I was pregnant with Joey, and had confirmed the heartbeat at 6 weeks. This was a major milestone I had not passed since Gavin. I decided to send Tracy an e-mail. I shared with her my history of losses and apologized for how things went between us during my pregnancy with Gavin. I told her that I knew that news of pregnancy isn't always happy news to everyone and that I wanted her to have time to process my news before the rest of the world knew. She was the only person outside of my immediate family that had the news and it would stay that way until the end of the first trimester.

We exchanged a few e-mails where we talked about our very different, yet very painful roads. A couple of weeks later she sent me a St. Girard medal along with a booklet of prayers. I wore the medal through my pregnancy and felt like Tracy and I had really bonded though the following months. We asked her and her husband to be Joseph's God parents as I knew that if I wanted anyone to help me raise my child to know God, it would be her and her husband. I think that anyone who can stay faithful to Him during the emotional, and quite honestly brutal, road of infertility then they mush have unshakable faith.

So, if you have news of pregnancy to break to someone dealing with infertility, please do it gently. Don't expect hugs and happiness to ensue. Don't think that they should be "over" the fact that they can't or haven't yet had children. Give them time to process and grieve their un-pregnant situation. Chances are that they will eventually thank you for your thoughtfulness, and you just might form a very unique and strong relationship as Tracy and I have.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Why Pee in a Potty?

Especially when you can pee on a stick! Or a cup if you are like me and worry about aim. I think it was all of 24 hours ago that I posted about what I wasn't going to do during my two week wait. I lasted less than 8 hours.
Stay away from websites that sell any trying to conceive paraphernalia (even if it is dirt cheap tests).
I promise that my intention was not to purchase tests for myself. My current stash of things to pee on are pictured to the right. I won't even begin to tell you how many are in the big orange envelope. I was looking for a company that might be interested in working with me on an upcoming project. Well, I happened upon a pregnancy test brand that I have never heard of and I have peed on my share of pregnancy tests over the years. So, if I choose to ask them to join me on my project, I have to have experience with their product, right? Is that justification enough to add 11 new tests to my stash? I hope that in a few days I can write a post that hopefully tells of this new test's accuracy. Preferably that it gave me a nice dark line very early. But, should I not get a nice dark line I will hope that it is a clear negative that doesn't make me hopeful for no reason. I promise to let you know how my experiment goes.

In other potty news... I am going to share the highlight of my day. Okay. That intro doesn't sound quite right but stick with me for a minute. We live in an old farm house. When I was pregnant with Gavin, we decided that we needed a first floor bathroom. We had a small room that was at one time used as a bedroom that we converted into a laundry room/pantry/bathroom. I know. Kinda gross to go potty where you keep your food but the food is in a different section of the room. I digress.

For some reason, babies love going in this room. Probably because we usually keep the door locked. Joey is quite skilled in navigating in his walker and should I happen to leave the door open for even a minute he looks over his shoulder and makes a break for it. Sometimes he will park his walker in front of the door and just watch the door. I think he is waiting for his opportunity.
This morning I hear Joey's walker banging into the bathroom door. I continue to hear his walker wheels scooting and more banging follows. After not hearing anything for about 35 seconds I decide I need to make visual contact. I can't find him. I panic for a second as I peek around corners, look in every possible place he could be hiding (which isn't many) and then I look at the bathroom door. It is closed but unlocked. I push on the door and I feel resistence as Joey's walker is directly in front of the door. I push with a little more force and scoot him back enough so that I can open the door. I am greeted with a powerful whiff of dirty diaper. I seriously think he went into the bathroom, closed the door, and then pooped. So all this time I have been thinking that he wants to get into all of the canned goods and the truth is, he just wanted some privacy to poop.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Passing the Time

Every month I find myself wishing time to pass just a little bit faster just so that I can find out if I am going to see two pink lines. This cycle is no different. I am trying so hard to not let everything consume my every thought but it is so hard to get my head somewhere else. So, today, I am going to write down a list of things to do to pass the time.

  • Blog. You might be hearing a bit more from me over the coming days (if the boys allow me to).
  • Pick colors to paint the stairwell and upstairs hallway. I like a pretty shade of green. Everyone else likes beige. Ugg. How boring is that?
  • Plan a trip to see one of my very dearest friends. She is one of those people who despite how much time passes, how much life passes, and how busy we become that we can always pick up right where we left off. Love Ya!
  • Lose 3 pounds. Note to self- Stop buying those delicious little chocolate chunk cookies from the bakery.
  • Ignore any pinching, pulling, tugs, cramps, etc. that may originate from my uterine area.
  • Stay away from websites that sell any trying to conceive paraphernalia (even if it is dirt cheap tests).
  • Do not chart my "Two Week Wait" symptoms on any chart, spreadsheet, or other tracking device.
  • Only look at my cycle chart once a day. Okay. Twice. Sometimes I forget what it looked like by noon.
  • Make a public statement (perhaps on my blog) that I will not test until after I am late for my period. Oh. Who am I kidding? THAT will never happen.
  • Pray and thank God for all of the blessings I already have.
Is it next week yet? I guess I need to work on a longer list.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Teething Used to Suck

I very rarely post a facebook status. I tend to think that what I am thinking and feeling really isn't all that important in the grand scheme of things. But one day a couple of months back I posted a status. It read, "Teething Sucks." Eloquent. I know. But it really did pretty much sum up how my days had been going.

Gavin's teeth came in easy and early. He may have needed Tylenol a total of 4 times in his whole teething career. He would just be fussier than usual at bedtime and after a dose of Tylenol, he would be all set for the night. Just like everything else, Joey was showing us what a typical babies does.

It would start at any given time and he would scream. Not the irritated because I want more attention scream or the I have a load in my pants kind of scream. It would be a scream that would convey very clearly that he was in pain. This scream would continue despite efforts with teething rings (cold, chilled, slightly chilled...) gum massages, vigorously employed distraction techniques, and even Tylenol would only seem to work for a short time. So, up it went on Facebook. Teething Sucks.

One of the redeeming qualities of facebook is that people that you would otherwise never have any link to are now in your back pocket, available to offer advice. Sometimes the advice is helpful sometimes it causes you to click the little "x" and delete them forever from your list of friends. But in this case, I was so glad to have a dear friend from high school on my friends list.

She suggested an Amber Teething Necklace. I had no idea what this even was and assumed it was something like a teething ring of sorts that babies could teethe on. She corrected me and told me, "The oils from his skin work with the Baltic amber and it releases into his skin-blood system and helps reduce pain and discomfort. Also good with negative energy, etc-calming. I love it!" With a review like that, who could resist, right? Plus, especially after my experience with the Welcome Womb, I am becoming a firm believer in homeopathic and natural solutions. I asked on a few message board about others' experiences with the necklaces and got very mixed reviews. I decided that even if it didn't really work then at least I had tried. I bought the Baltic Amber Teething Necklace and put it on Joey the moment it arrived in the mail.

There is no way to prove if the necklace really worked or if Joey's teething pain wasn't as intense as it had been but since putting the necklace on him. But, with that said, I have only needed to use Tylenol once. Even on that one occasion, he didn't seem as thoroughly overcome with pain like before. He just seemed like he was hurting and Tylenol would help. It was more like how Gavin would act when he was teething. For the record, while he was wearing the necklace he cut one top front tooth and the other is not far behind it. Again, I know that it could have been a total fluke but I do know that I will buy another one if I ever have another baby who has a tough time with teething. Plus, they are super cute! Even on my burly boy!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Grown-Up Decisions

I read a story a while back about a mother who committed suicide in the bathroom of her home. She intentionally overdosed on prescription medication by swallowing not just a few extra pills but an entire prescription bottle full of pills. She was found when a neighbor heard a baby crying in the house for an extended period of time. The neighbor went over and found the baby tear stained and exhausted in his crib and the mother dead in the bathroom.

When I first read this story I was just so sad. Sad for the mom that she was so depressed. Then, so sad for the baby boy who was left without his mommy. But after just a few minutes my sadness turned to anger. Let's just put aside the fact that she was leaving her little boy without a mom for the rest of his life but she knowingly and intentionally committed suicide with her baby in the house, in the crib, alone, scared, with no one to protect him.

After getting over the initial shock and anger I started to wonder about that poor kids life. How he will alway be missing an important piece of his life by not having his mom. He will likely have a life of sadness, confusion, depression, and an overall lack of direction. We wouldn't ever do this to our kids. Or would we?

I have heard so many people talk about how they are going to raise their children and then when they are old enough, the kids can choose what they want to believe in when it comes to God. I don't think this would be that bad if the parents were really teaching them about God. But most of the parents that I hear say this aren't exactly church goers or readers of the bible. They are just as clueless as the kids are, and they are going to leave the decision up to the kids because, well, honestly, they don't have a clue what they believe so how can they tell their kids what to believe.

I think these parents are laying in a bathtub full of water with a hand full of pills, a glass of water, and a crying baby in the crib. That baby doesn't know what is going on. If that parent follows through and swallows those pills, leaving the child to decide for themselves if they believe in God with no guidance from their parents, then the parents are sentencing their child to a life of sadness, confusion, depression, and an overall lack of direction.

Let's not do this to our children. Let's teach our children about God. Teach them about who He is and how powerful He is. If AFTER we teach them all there is to know about Him and then they choose to not believe in Him then, as parents, we have done all that we can do. But, please, don't expect them to learn all there is to know about God on their own, in a crib, alone, scared, with no one to protect them. God gave us these wonderful little people to hug, love, and call our own. Let's teach them about who sent them to us.

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