Today I went to the RE's office for what will be my last appointment ever... unless we decide on a 4th baby.  I sat in an empty waiting room and as my favorite nurse and receptionist walked past the glass, the each gave me excited waves.  It was then that it hit me.  I was going to miss these people.  They have seen me in tears.  They have celebrated successes big and small with me.  Today, we celebrated a nearly 7 cm human being. 



I worte a post years and years ago about how when I was pregnant with Joey, I was 100% convinced that he was going to be a girl.  My pregnancy with Gavin was very uneventful but when Joey was on board, I was so so sick.  My symptoms were just completely opposite.  Opposite symptoms means opposite gender, right?  WRONG!  Right after my 20 week ultrasound when the tech said, "Do you see what I see?" and I responded, "Is that a penis?" with all of the enthusiasm of a sunbather seeing a storm rolling in, I had decided that this time, it would be team green for us.  I wanted the next time I learned the gender of the baby to be right after I gave birth to a wiggly, real baby. Plus, this time around I have added confidence that no matter the gender of this baby, God is sending me the perfect baby for this family.  Girl or boy, this baby was hand picked by Him.  No complaining will be done by me! 

Seeing as how I am only 13 weeks, I didn't feel it important to mention my team green desires.  As we chatted and looked over the baby, she suddenly stopped and said, "OH!  Do you want to..." and as a reflex, I immediately looked at the screen.  A look that I can never take back.  Since I couldn't unsee what I saw, I went ahead and asked, "We were going to be surprised this time, but was that a penis?"

She stammered and apologized for even calling attention before asking if we wanted to know and then went on to attempt to remove her foot from her mouth and said, "I thought I saw a penis but... (she again looked for the genitals) and said, "but you know what?  I don't see any testicles or anything so it is still 50/50."

*sigh*

So for a couple of hours I mourned our big surprise reveal on delivery day.  Then me and Google hung out for a while.  Turns out that boys and girls still really look the same at 13 weeks.  Some technicians can predict gender based on the "angle of the dangle" which means if the little nubbin points up it will be a boy and if it is parallel to the spine, it will be a girl.  What she and I saw was not the correct view to predict based on the angle.  After scouring the internet, I am feeling like we will still be 100% surprised.  Unless is is a boy then I am going to feel like I knew the whole time. So I am rethinking our whole team green thing.  We'll see. 

As I left the office they handed me some books and magazines as a gift and off I went.  Onward and upward to the OB's office next week. 

I also felt confident enough to make the pregnancy facebook public.  This was my "announcement."

Our Special Family Recipe:

2 cups of patience (separated into 96 tsp)
One barrel of faith
8 pounds of perseverance
400 tears (split equally between heartbreaks)
Countless prayers
Infinite support and love from friends and family
and
One very special angel smiling down on us from Heaven and keeping us safe.

Combine all ingredients. Bake for 40 weeks. 

We are very happy to share that after a long and sometimes heartbreaking journey, we will be welcoming baby #3 in September!

Will you or did you find out the gender of your baby before delivery day?  Why?

I am pretty certain that the next baby I want to keep the gender a surprise. With Gavin, about 30 seconds after I saw PREGNANT on the test, I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. Doug was in the same boat. At an ultrasound at just over 15 weeks the technician asked me if we were finding out the gender. I said, "Yes! But it is too early to tell now, right?" Doug wasn't with me since I just assumed that there would be nothing remarkable at this ultrasound. The technician had a big smile and asked if I wanted to know. Now." After about 3.2 seconds of very thorough consideration I said, "Yes! I want to know!" She warned me not to buy everything in blue just yet and if I did, to keep the receipt just in case but she was pretty confident that he was a boy. We were thrilled!

When I was pregnant with Joey I was kind of hoping for a gender surprise but Doug wanted to hear nothing of it. I must admit that he didn't have to do much to persuade me. I posted the whole story about finding out that I was expecting another boy in a post called As Long As She's Healthy. Needless to say, I was less than thrilled initially. Because my pregnancy was night and day compared to Gavin's, I was sure that I was having a girl. It didn't take a really long time to get excited about Joey being a boy, but it makes me feel a little guilty about not being excited about the news. I should have been jumping for joy that I was pregnant with a healthy baby boy. How horrible of me that I was, even for a second, not recognizing how blessed I truly was to be carrying a baby in my stomach that was healthy. I still feel bad about this.

So the next time I become pregnant I want to be surprised. I think that God's design of women is nothing short of miraculous. He designed our bodies to host, grow, deliver and feed another human being. (That is probably a post for another day.) I think that immediately after delivering Joey, that euphoria that I felt when his weight rested on my stomach was instant (something). Honestly, I can't find a word that really represents that feeling. That love wrapped up in excitement, peppered with the knowledge that my world was never going to be the same again. I think that at that exact moment is the best time to find out the gender of my baby. If I am blessed to have a third boy I am sure that there will not be one split second of regret. It is easy to feel let down when your eagerly anticipated baby isn't much more than a black and white fuzzy picture on a screen every few months. Even though the books and websites tell you that there is a human being growing inside of you, and you are reminded of it with jabs and pokes and kicks, it is almost a foreign language until the birth. I can only imagine that when a pink, crying baby with arms flailing about, locks eyes with me I am going to be overjoyed to have whatever gender God felt was right for my family. That moment is when God intends for me to learn the gender. It will be hard to wait but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Okay... now if only I could get a couple of lines on a pregnancy test. I will do a more in-depth review of the Baby Confirm pregnancy tests in a future post but for now I will say that they have given me a very clear negative on both the dipstick and the midstream tests. Not even a hint of an evaporation line. It is still early so I am not ready to give up hope just yet.

As time went on I started feeling better and better about the pregnancy. The next milestone that we had all been waiting for was finding out the gender. I had toyed with the idea of having it be a surprise but Doug really wanted to know so I gave in without too much tugging. I had an appointment on the 13th of February when I was 18 weeks to have an ultrasound and hopefully find out the gender. Since Gavin's birthday was the next day I decided that I would have the bakery make a cake in either pink or blue so that when we cut the cake everyone, except Doug and I, of course, could learn the gender at the same time.

I know they say that every pregnancy is different and that you can't compare them to determine gender but because I was having so much morning sickness, totally different cravings, and just feeling different, I just knew this baby was a girl. According to every old wives tale, Chinese gender calendar, and online quiz, my baby was all girl. So I laid on the ultrasound table anxiously waiting for them to scan the goods! I watched the screen intently and when she began looking at the genitals, it was obvious. My baby girl had a penis. She was a he.

I was thankful that I had gone to the appointment alone. I managed to smile and say, "That is totally a penis." when the technician asked me if I saw what she saw. But, in my head, a totally different dialogue was going on. "A boy. Okay. It's another boy. This is not what I thought I was going to hear. But what about the girl? Oh, my mom is going to be sad that she can't make pink dresses with frills and lace. I think Doug will be happy with another boy." This very unenthusiastic conversations with myself lasted throughout the remainder of the appointment as they told me that everything was healthy and normal on the ultrasound. That was great news, but he was still all boy.

I started driving home and actually cried a little. I knew it was ridiculous to be crying but I just felt so let down. Then, like a light switch flicking on, I started getting really excited. I started thinking about how much fun Gavin was going to have playing with a little brother. I thought about how close they would become and how much I just loved being Gavin's mommy that being a mommy to another little boy was going to be just as much fun. It may have taken a little while but, Oh my! I was having another boy! How exciting!