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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Monday, April 25, 2011

Checking Out

I have probably touched on this before but I happen to think that have inherited the longevity gene. I have lived 34 years of life, almost 35, and have only been to 2 funerals. Each was for a grandparent. I have never had to deal with an instance of a young, healthy, surprise passing of a friend or relative. I haven't even had a relative pass away of an illness. I do have an aunt with advanced cancer who is in her late 50s but she has been doing chemo treatments and seems to be doing quite well. So, with all of this being my experience it is so hard for me to fathom the fact that today, for any number of reasons, might be my last day on Earth.

On Saturday evening, Doug and I were getting ready for our date night. We were getting the boys packed up to go to "Nana" and "Papo's" house for the evening. As I was doing a last minute diaper change, I started feeling a stabbing pain in the top left side of my head. It wasn't so painful that I did much more than put my hand to my head and wonder, "What in the world is this?" I don't get headaches unless I have skipped my morning coffee so a strange pain, unlike any other headache I have ever had, made me think.

Everyone has at least heard a tragic story of a healthy person just dying. I am not a hypochondriac. Aside from my recurrent miscarriages, I am probably one of the healthiest people I know. No allergies, no broken bones, no diseases, you get the point. But a moment or two after the first onset of the sharp pain in my head I thought to myself, "What if this is it? Maybe I am going to fall over dead from a brain aneurysm." I wasn't kidding either. I had a moment where I thought that I could possibly be experiencing my last moments of life.

I really was amazed, and rather impressed if I do say so myself, that my first thoughts weren't of sadness. I thought of God. I thought to myself that while I am far from being free of sin, I have faith that death is the start of something very beautiful. A journey to eternity. I thought that if it was God's will for that day to be my last then, since there was nothing I would be able to do about it, I should be excited about the next chapter.

A few minutes later the stabbing pain subsided and I continued packing the kids up and deciding what I would order for dinner at the new restaurant we were going to. I didn't mention my little "episode" to Doug that night. It was almost like it was a personal moment between God and I and I wasn't eager to share it. Then Easter morning we were off on another adventure.

I was getting ready for church and Doug was entertaining the boys. Doug put Joey down and told me that he was in pain. He went upstairs and I could hear him moaning and groaning in obvious pain. I know that Doug will argue with me about this when her reads this post but... Doug (and all guys, I think) can be a bit dramatic when they aren't feeling well. It is like they have a pass on being manly and can turn into big 'ol babies when they don't feel well. So, I didn't race up there right away. Then I heard heaving and moaning and groaning. Then, I thought that I should probably see what the problem was. He was clutching his stomach and chest and said he was in terrible pain. He was sweaty and there were tears in his eyes. I asked him if he thought we should go to the Emergency Room. This is when I thought, if he is just being dramatic, he'll pass on the ER and opt for some wifely attention. When, without hesitation, he said 'yes' to the ER I knew that he was really really in pain.

My parents came to pick up the boys. This is one of those times where it is great to have parents living on the same property. Withing 5 minutes the boys were picked up and we were in the truck and on the way to the ER. But, before my parents were able to leave with the boys, Doug insisted on kissing them goodbye. Without him explaining anything to me, I knew that he was concerned for his health and thought that maybe these were his last moments. Doug's story ended just as uneventfully as mine did. The only difference is that his is going to get billed to us in a few weeks as very expensive gas pain.

I don't mean this to be a depressing "we are going to die" post but I do think it is important to live each day as if it is our last. I think a lot of young healthy people think that they have plenty of time to fix things between them and God. They will get to church when the kids are older and won't interrupt service. They will read the Bible when they have more time. They will think of eternity when they are laying on their death bed and ask God for forgiveness for all of their sins. We could leave this world in a flash. With no warning. Maybe today is a good day to think about God and where we stand with Him.


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