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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, April 15, 2011

Getting What I Want

When I was growing up, I was what many people would call spoiled. Not so much with my mother, but my father had a really hard time saying no. As a matter of fact, he still does. Gavin has learned this at an earlier age than even I did. Either that, or my dad has actually gotten softer. It is hard for me to believe that is possible. If I wanted something, anything, I would always ask my dad.

"I don't want to clean my room before I go over to Jen's house to play. I promise to clean it when I come back." My dad would try to stick to his guns and say, "Your mom told you you had to clean your room before you went anywhere." Then I would inevitably play the card that all girls have at one point or another. Turn on the tears.

"But Daaaaaad... " would precede any somewhat relevant explanation of why THAT simply wouldn't work for my schedule or meet my needs. I would beg. I would sob. I would plead. Promise. Cry more. And then after a few minutes of this song and dance I would be skipping off to Jen's house. I was a master of my craft.

Maybe this is why I am having such a hard time with yet another month passing without a baby on board. I have always been able to get what I want without too much effort. A little crying. I little begging. A couple of promises later I get what I want. But when it comes to God, that isn't the way things work.

Unlike my father who only wanted to see me happy, God wants what is good, right, and perfect for His plan. As I sit and await the arrival of my monthly visitor, I remind myself that God is only going to give me what I need. That doesn't mean that I won't cry. It doesn't mean that I won't mourn the loss of another opportunity to experience pregnancy. It doesn't mean that I won't get pangs of jealousy when others around me announce pregnancies. It certainly doesn't mean that I won't turn into an emotional mess when I live vicariously through a stranger on a TV show giving birth. It just means that I obviously didn't really need to be pregnant right now.

It is tough to be a grown-up and know the difference between what I want and what I need. Today, I decided that since God knows that I don't yet need to be pregnant then I must need to do something else. Perhaps it is that sink full of dishes.


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