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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, May 4, 2012

Meet The Fertiles

A sweet, kind, sensitive and newly pregnant friend approached me and posed a question...

...is it wrong to kinda be offended by the term fertiles? Cuz I kinda am....
 At first, I recalled how it used to sting a little when I heard that term.  Before Joey finally stuck with us, I was getting pregnant every other month.  I'm not exaggerating.  I could pretty much count on being pregnant 50% of the time.  I was a Fertile (who happened to also hold the title of Miscarrier).  I hated thinking that there were people dealing with infertility, hating me for getting pregnant so easily when I really wasn't the enemy.  I just hurting in a different way.   

Now after 23 cycles of nothing but another early miscarriage to show for it, I was welcomed into the world of infertility with open arms.  As a result, I think I understand the term "Fertiles" a little better.  Or maybe I don't...  but here is my attempt to decipher the language of us infertiles, for the rest of the world.
A Fertile isn't just someone with the ability to become pregnant without more effort than a glass or two of wine and a flirtatious wink.  The term, Fertiles, refers more to the ladies that like to assume that because they are able to get pregnant with a 4 ounce serving of chardonnay, then everyone should do exactly the same thing and get pregnant, just like they did.  Just relax, pop a cork, et voila!  When women who never had to invest in a single ovulation test or a "what are we doing wrong" appointment with their OB/GYN, feel the need to dole out fertility advice, they are likely Fertiles.  They also have a knack for complaining about their oodles of kids and how misbehaved, awful, and messy they are.  They may even go as far as to offer to trade places so that an Infertile can see how lucky they are to not have children.  Sometimes a Fertile isn't willing to part with all of their children, so they just offer to let an infertile couple have Little Johnny, the biggest problem child ever.

So that means that an Infertile isn't just someone who is having difficulty conceiving for one reason or another, it means something more.  An Infertile is someone that will erupt with wild and hysterical tears at even the suggestion of a pregnancy announcement .  She walks around with a middle finger pointed upward in the general direction of any woman with a gut that may contain a child, either now, or at one time in the last two decades.  An Infertile has only childless friends in her facebook news feed because to hear one more status update about potty training or my kid is so awesome (or cute, funny, adorable, smart, gross) would make them not just crazy, but suicidal.  She is often such an volatile mix of negativism and anxiety, that you should probably avoid conversation. An Infertile will often have convulsions of fury at the sight of an ultrasound picture.  An Infertile is unpleasant and spiteful and usually have an unhealthy connection to their pets.
So that makes sense, right?  But, wait.  No, it doesn't.  That is like saying that a turkey sandwich is only a turkey sandwich if it is made with miracle whip, a slice of American cheese, a small amount of lettuce, and made on toasted white bread.   It's confusing to have a name for something that isn't really a name for something, unless it is something else.

Last week was infertility awareness week.  I read blog post after blog post about raising awareness about infertility.  We want people to understand us, support us, and and be aware of our difficulties, emotions, and challenges all while we secretly call those same people names.  I think if we are really going to do a good job of raising awareness and debunking the myths of infertility, we have to stop ridiculing the people we hope to have understand us.  Making people aware of what someone struggling with infertility is likely thinking or feeling has to be of top priority rather than fault them for fully functioning reproductive systems.   If you think about it, most of us are just one jacked-up uterus away from being a Fertile anyway.


What do you think?  Is the term "Fertiles" offensive?  Would you be okay if a mommy group talked about "Infertiles" with a working definition as the one I described?  Let's have a helpful and healthy discussion regardless of our reproductive health.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts!



1 comments:

primaryinfertile said...

As a primary infertile I can say that I don't think any amount of awareness is going to make people who haven't gone through infertility problems understand. Even within our own infertility community we don't always support or understand each other because we don't all have the same fertility issues. I think that depending on who you are and what your problem is you have to stick with those that know and understand your struggle and you have to do whatever you have to do to survive such a painful struggle as infertility even if that means calling people fertiles.Where I come from they do have ugly terms for infertile people and there is shame and ridicule for the childless primary infertiles as if being infertile wasn 't hurtful enough. As one with no children not by choice I can say I'd rather be called fertile than infertile any day as long as that's the case.

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