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About Me
- Maria
- God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!
We Salute You!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Guest Post: Cherish Every Minute
Our uncle who is married to mom's other sister pulled in the drive way. He came in the house and didn't seem like he was in a good mood. I seriously thought he was going to yell at us kids for something like fighting. But, he told us to shut the television off and sit down because he had something he has to tell us. You could tell something was wrong in his voice. The words that he said was, "There has been a very bad accident." Right then and there I knew it had to be mom. Then, he went on to say that mom was in a very serious car accident and nobody really knows if she will be OK but the doctors are working on her as best as they can right now. My heart instantly sank. I couldn't believe it. Never in a million years would think that something like this would happen to us. He told us to get ready so we could go to his house. Then he went back to the hospital. So, we were at my aunt and uncle's house with our cousins until we got a call or they came back from the hospital. Our local news came on and the top story was the accident that my mom was in. It was still surreal for me. Her car was a total loss. It was horrible. After we watched the news, we found out what had happened and the result of the accident. There was a women who was drunk, got into her vehicle, and was speeding and running lights after lights. She eventually crashed into my moms car when she was crossing the intersection. My aunts, Grandma, & uncles came back from the hospital and they looked very upset and were very pale. As they came in, they called us into the kitchen and that's when they told us that our mom passed away. The doctors did all that they could to save her life. My heart was broken into a million little pieces! I cried for what seemed like along time. Why did this happen to us? Why? I, to this day, ask myself this. For the longest time, I blamed myself for the accident even though it's not my fault. May 2005, we finally got our day in court. We started the trial. It seemed like the trial lasted forever, but it only lasted a number of days. The women who has caused us so much pain, got charged with three different charges. In June of 2005, she was sentenced to 8 1/2 years in prison. Unbelievable! I couldn't believe that the women who took away a mother from her 7 children got 8 1/2 years. She showed no remorse what-so-ever! I wrote her a few years back and she doesn't think she did anything wrong. She blames my mom and so does her family. I talk to her youngest daughter sometimes, and she knows that her mom has done wrong and accepts that. I wish that I could get over this, but I don't think I ever could. My mom was not only my mom-she was my Best Friend, Provider, and everything in between.
Don't ever take anything for granted. Cherish every little minute you have with your loved ones. You never know when the time with them will be gone.
Cagney and her husband have been trying to conceive their first child for 6 1/2 years. I admire her patience and faith as she travels this long journey. She will be an excellent mother as not only does she have genuine faith in our Creator, she has a wonderful guardian angel in her corner. My prayers are with her that she is blessed soon.
Thank you Cagney, for sharing your mother with us!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Sex Education
Talking about sex has never been an easy topic for parents. It is a little awkward to dance around the specifics, choose age appropriate vocabulary, and explain the "ins" and "out" of the whole... procedure. Somehow in the past few decades, the parents tiptoed out the backdoor and relied upon schools to teach kids about their bodies and about sex. The same teachers who can't discuss religion, faith, or God. That is like having a baker teach a class on cupcakes without allowing them to use flour.
I remember having my first sex education class in 6th grade. It was a few weeks long and was a couple of times a week we would meet with the most feared teacher in the school and she would explain the male and female anatomy and the menstrual cycle. The last class or two we split into boys only and girls only groups. That is where we were supposed to ask every last question we had. The only problem is that we didn't really have any questions. We would ask over and over again about if our periods would hurt. The boys group would report back that all they asked about was "wet dreams".
Then, in high school came round 2 of sex education. This time it was only two 45 minute classes that took place in our freshman biology class. My biology teacher was a very attractive, young man with piercing blue eyes. He had us all put our desks in a circle and he talked about safe sex. We sat stoically looking down at our desktops intermittently giggling as the teacher awkwardly demonstrated how to use a condom, shot spermicidal foam onto the floor in the middle of the circle of desks, and stumbled through a made up explanation to the courageous girl who asked how to remove a diaphragm. It was an hour and 30 minus of time that I will never forget, but not for a good reason.
So, by the age of 14, I knew that women ovulated, got pregnant by a sperm, and how that sperm got there. But what did it really mean? Of course, I am sure it was mentioned that it is for people who are in love. I am sure that it was recommended that we wait until we were married. But a 14 year old girl or boy with hormones, peer pressure, and easily malleable hearts don't translate that language very well.
A girl loves with everything she has. She falls in love hard and completely even when she shouldn't. So with the the explanation of, "Sex is for people who are in love," every teenage girl can say, "This is me! I'm in love! I will love him forever. We will be married when we are older! I am sure of it! He is perfect and loves me back! He tells me so all the time!" She figures that she might not be married to him right now, but she will be soon! Especially if she gives him the most wonderful gift she has. Then, comes the crushing realization that she gave her precious gift to some guy who loves her only a little more than he does pizza. Then it is gone. It is devalued. It is like driving a brand new car off the lot. It will never ever be new again.
Why is it that so many girls hand over the most wonderful gift, knowing full well that it can never be returned, but guys seem to get it when it comes to engagement rings. They don't hand those out every time they "love" a girl. Is a diamond ring really more valuable than a young lady's virginity? More important than commands God gives us? Plus, would any girl want a proposal from a guy that had proposed to every girl before her? What if he got down on one knee and popped the question, "Will you marry me?" as he slides a lovely ring onto her finger that has been worn by 10 girls before her. Somehow that takes the magic out of it. It is time that young ladies recognize how valuable they are. God created them with one very special gift that they get to give to one man, their husband. To haphazardly give that gift to someone undeserving is very disrespectful to the one that created it.
When it comes down to a guy choosing our daughter's for forever, don't you want her to be able to show him how special he is? That she never ever, even when her hormones made her want to, she never gave anyone the same gift she will give him. Just like the ring he slides on her finger will never have shimmered, shone, and glimmered on anyone else's finger. I really wish that someone would have taught me how valuable I was when I was young. I wish someone would have reminded me that having sex was much bigger than just giving in to temptation or not. This rule is not optional when it comes to the Bible.
I will not be passing this mistake on to my children, no matter how awkward the conversation.
Then, in high school came round 2 of sex education. This time it was only two 45 minute classes that took place in our freshman biology class. My biology teacher was a very attractive, young man with piercing blue eyes. He had us all put our desks in a circle and he talked about safe sex. We sat stoically looking down at our desktops intermittently giggling as the teacher awkwardly demonstrated how to use a condom, shot spermicidal foam onto the floor in the middle of the circle of desks, and stumbled through a made up explanation to the courageous girl who asked how to remove a diaphragm. It was an hour and 30 minus of time that I will never forget, but not for a good reason.
A girl loves with everything she has. She falls in love hard and completely even when she shouldn't. So with the the explanation of, "Sex is for people who are in love," every teenage girl can say, "This is me! I'm in love! I will love him forever. We will be married when we are older! I am sure of it! He is perfect and loves me back! He tells me so all the time!" She figures that she might not be married to him right now, but she will be soon! Especially if she gives him the most wonderful gift she has. Then, comes the crushing realization that she gave her precious gift to some guy who loves her only a little more than he does pizza. Then it is gone. It is devalued. It is like driving a brand new car off the lot. It will never ever be new again.
When it comes down to a guy choosing our daughter's for forever, don't you want her to be able to show him how special he is? That she never ever, even when her hormones made her want to, she never gave anyone the same gift she will give him. Just like the ring he slides on her finger will never have shimmered, shone, and glimmered on anyone else's finger. I really wish that someone would have taught me how valuable I was when I was young. I wish someone would have reminded me that having sex was much bigger than just giving in to temptation or not. This rule is not optional when it comes to the Bible.
I will not be passing this mistake on to my children, no matter how awkward the conversation.
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Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Remembering the past with hope for the future...
January 12th, 2010
I am currently pregnant. 15 weeks pregnant. I have an appointment with my Rheumatologist today. I get the satisfaction of stressing her out with news that I am pregnant, again. She wasn't too happy with that choice last time. I have just gotten up and noticed some spotting. Crap. I schedule an appointment with my GP. I go there first. He does an exam, says "Yes. It's a threatened m/c". I have to come back for an u/s. So, I run to Nashville for my Rheum. appt. She schedules my next appt for the end of July. Three weeks after my baby is due. We go to lunch (my sil is driving me around), and I mentally talk myself in to believing that everything is going to be fine. That it's just a little blood pocket like with my last two pregnancies. No big deal. The u/s shows that there is no heart beat. No live fetus. We call my high risk OB. They won't give me an appt if the fetus is already dead. I am now in the unfortunate position of having to find an new OB/GYN. In my state of mind, that was asking for a miracle. The sweet nurse at my GP found me a dr. and scheduled me an appt. Husband and I see him the next day. He asks for another u/s to verify. Still nothing. Dr. ultimately talks us into having a D&C. We schedule that for the 15th. All I have left is the u/s picture.
I am currently pregnant. 15 weeks pregnant. I have an appointment with my Rheumatologist today. I get the satisfaction of stressing her out with news that I am pregnant, again. She wasn't too happy with that choice last time. I have just gotten up and noticed some spotting. Crap. I schedule an appointment with my GP. I go there first. He does an exam, says "Yes. It's a threatened m/c". I have to come back for an u/s. So, I run to Nashville for my Rheum. appt. She schedules my next appt for the end of July. Three weeks after my baby is due. We go to lunch (my sil is driving me around), and I mentally talk myself in to believing that everything is going to be fine. That it's just a little blood pocket like with my last two pregnancies. No big deal. The u/s shows that there is no heart beat. No live fetus. We call my high risk OB. They won't give me an appt if the fetus is already dead. I am now in the unfortunate position of having to find an new OB/GYN. In my state of mind, that was asking for a miracle. The sweet nurse at my GP found me a dr. and scheduled me an appt. Husband and I see him the next day. He asks for another u/s to verify. Still nothing. Dr. ultimately talks us into having a D&C. We schedule that for the 15th. All I have left is the u/s picture.
April 2010
I am pregnant again. My due date is January 15th., 2011. It took me about half a second to realize the irony of that date. I now was scared to death that I would yet again lose a baby. The last baby had died at 10 weeks gestation. I had started bleeding at 15 weeks. My new date to wait was 15 weeks. Only a small group of friends and family knew I was pregnant. I passed July 5th with trepidation. That was the last baby's due date. I was so relieved to be pregnant at that time to help me get past that date. My relief was short lived. I went in for my ob appt. I was 13wks pregnant. There wasn't a heartbeat. I refused to have a D&C. I waited at home to pass the baby. I HAD to hold my child. I lost him on the 25th of July. We were able to bury him under our Red Bud tree. I missed my appt. with my Rheumatologist. I had just delivered the baby. After a total of 15 weeks gestation.
My Baby, Matthew's left hand, palm side up and both feet.
Groundhog Day
February 2, 2011
I'm pregnant! Fear sets in. I go right in for hormonal tests. We do the qualitative and quantitative's. Dr. says all looks good. See ya in a month.
March 2011
12 week check up. I was sooooo scared to go in. He did the doppler and I started to cry. I had a hard time not sobbing. Then...he found it!!! We heard a heart beat! It was so fast! Like a little washing machine..swoosh-swoosh-swoosh!No need for an u/s since we heard a heart beat. I was elated! My baby was ok! I scheduled my next appt. with a huge smile on my face :)
April 2011
Dr does doppler. No heartbeat. Sends me for u/s. Nothing. Baby died. Made it to 12weeks by gestation size. The baby died right after we heard the heartbeat.
May 10, 2011
I delivered my baby today. At home. I passed out again (did the same thing last time). This time I was expecting it. I laid on the bathroom floor and slipped into unconsciousness. I had a dream. There was a doorway. A man was in the doorway and a woman was standing just outside the door. There was light inside the doorway. Like when you have the lights on in your house and the porch light is out. I couldn't see their faces. But i knew them. That was the feeling I had. I moved toward the doorway. The woman turned her head towards me. She had long, wavy, brown hair. She came towards me at a fast pace, but more like gliding, not walking. She put her hand up in the universal sign for "STOP!" Then I woke up. Very suddenly. I felt like I had just been given a surge of adrenaline. My heart was pounding, my ears were ringing, but, I was weak and couldn't move. I had lost a lot of blood. I prayed that I wouldn't die on my bathroom floor. That that wasn't going to be where my kids would find me. My husband was still at work. I realized that my dream seemed more like a "cross-over" story. A glimpse of the other side. The woman had told me I wasn't supposed to be there. Not yet.
May 11, 2011
We buried our baby girl next to her brother under the Red Bud tree.
My Baby, Paislee.
It is January once again. Last week was the dates that I prefer to reflect upon mostly privately. The 15th of January will always be a sad day for me. I pray every day for another chance at having a healthy pregnancy that ends in the delivery of a healthy baby.
Here's to the hope for this new year!
MM
Monday, January 23, 2012
I Shall Pay You With Pee Sticks (or Giftcards)!
Will you post for pee sticks? I mean there are only a few things that I wouldn't do to build up my secret (or not so secret) stash of things on which to pee. How about you? If you are willing to share an original post (cannot be posted anywhere else) with me and my readers, I will send you one of the following (your choice) at no cost!
You are welcome to write about most anything that is related to fertility, infertility, trying to conceive, parenting, loss, or your faith. I encourage you to write about anything that you feel called to, but I do reserve the right to refuse any post that I find offensive. I am not saying I have to agree with your post, opinions, feelings, approaches etc. I just will not post or reward any posts that go against my core beliefs. If you are unsure about your topic, feel free to email me and I'll give you a thumbs up or down!
Lacking inspiration? Here are some ideas:
How I survived/choose to remember/processed a loss or losses.
I never thought that having a family (or trying to have a family) would make me .....
The pros and cons of charting.
Big decisions: POAS or PIAC?
How my relationship with God has changed due to infertility/loss.
Tips and tricks I have used to help me get pregnant.
Pregnancy innocence: I want mine back.
Herbs and supplements to increase fertility.
I have used pregnancy tests for experimentation purposes and want to share!
I am thankful for the kids I have...
The most ridiculous thing someone ever told me about infertility or loss was...
Infertility/loss has taught me...
How I pass the time while TTC
I feel very strongly about...
I wish that every/no woman had to ...
The options are really endless!!!
Posts need to be at least 500 words but not longer than 1200 or so. Also, at least one related picture needs to accompany your post. It can be a stock photo or a photo of your own. You may send me a post up to once a month. All posts can be sent (with photo attached) to me via e-mail. Please also include your shipping address and test preference (OPK or HPT) or tell me you prefer the gift card which will be delivered via email! If you are a blogger or have a website that you would like link to, it can be included in a short "About the Author." Please note that this is not just for bloggers! This is for anyone who wants to share!
I really look forward to reading your posts!
OR
 |
| $6.00 Amazon Gift Card |
You are welcome to write about most anything that is related to fertility, infertility, trying to conceive, parenting, loss, or your faith. I encourage you to write about anything that you feel called to, but I do reserve the right to refuse any post that I find offensive. I am not saying I have to agree with your post, opinions, feelings, approaches etc. I just will not post or reward any posts that go against my core beliefs. If you are unsure about your topic, feel free to email me and I'll give you a thumbs up or down!
Lacking inspiration? Here are some ideas:
How I survived/choose to remember/processed a loss or losses.
I never thought that having a family (or trying to have a family) would make me .....
The pros and cons of charting.
Big decisions: POAS or PIAC?
How my relationship with God has changed due to infertility/loss.
Tips and tricks I have used to help me get pregnant.
Pregnancy innocence: I want mine back.
Herbs and supplements to increase fertility.
I have used pregnancy tests for experimentation purposes and want to share!
I am thankful for the kids I have...
The most ridiculous thing someone ever told me about infertility or loss was...
Infertility/loss has taught me...
How I pass the time while TTC
I feel very strongly about...
I wish that every/no woman had to ...
The options are really endless!!!
Posts need to be at least 500 words but not longer than 1200 or so. Also, at least one related picture needs to accompany your post. It can be a stock photo or a photo of your own. You may send me a post up to once a month. All posts can be sent (with photo attached) to me via e-mail. Please also include your shipping address and test preference (OPK or HPT) or tell me you prefer the gift card which will be delivered via email! If you are a blogger or have a website that you would like link to, it can be included in a short "About the Author." Please note that this is not just for bloggers! This is for anyone who wants to share!
I really look forward to reading your posts!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Can I get pregnant if he puts it in my ear? (Part 4)
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These are all questions about trying to conceive posted in the last 2-3 days. I did edit some of the words using asterisks so that I don't start getting traffic from weirdos. I didn't change anything that would insult the integrity of their questions.
I'll start with the inevitable young girl wanting to have a baby much too soon just so that we can get that out of the way...
ive had my implant in for 3 years now and im getting it out this afternoon. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months and for ages we have talked about having a baby. I really want one and so does he we are just scared of he consiquences. I have recently started a new good paying job.. but if i got pregnant i know would have to give it up. I would also have money issues... but the main problem is, is what my family would think. I know my mam would probably never for give me.. i just dont want to loose any of them but this is my desicion and i really want a baby. what should i do?Okay. If you have been together 9 months and talked for "ages" about having a baby, how long is ages? About 6 minutes and 27 seconds?
I have been really tired past 3 days i had unprotected sex 3 days ago can i be pregnant?My guess is that the sex must have been exhausting!
How can i mast**b*te and not have a risk of getting anyone pregnant?I don't know what to say. Really?
Basically on december 29 my boyfriend wore a condom and rubbed his p**** on the outside my v***** and also tried going in for a few seconds but stopped. He did not c*** the entire night. I got my period January 13th and it was regular flow, my breasts were sore but they stopped once my period ended. I went to the doctor the other day and was told I have a uti ;/ and I've been having bad head aches and my back is a little sore but when I bend over it feels fine. Last night I whipped myself and there was a clear discharge with little blood streaks in it, also a bit this morning. Could I pregnant ? Or could the blood streaks be left over blood from my period ( which officially ended the day before). Also I've been very worried about this and it's stressing me outI know you are stressed out but simply must stop whipping yourself!
soo , me and my boyfriend did stuff like three weeks ago . we didnt have sex but ive heard of getting pregnant thru your clothes ? . . well a week later after hanging out with him i got my period . it was a slightly lighter than usual . . then two weeks later ( today ) i got it again . . im not sure if its light or heavy ; but its reddish ? . .I do "stuff" with my clothes on every single day starting around 7:30 am up until I go to bed at about 10:30. I would love to get pregnant while being able to catch up on my dirty dishes and folding laundry. Please tell me more about this "getting pregnant thru your clothes" technique.
I am so about to throw my Keurig machine out the window. "It way YOUUUUUUU! YOU did this to me!" It is like Keurig and Starbucks got together and said, "We shall taunt you with our flavor, ease of use, and delightful bit of energy we deliver to you every morning, but we will also go and undo all of your baby making efforts! Bwahaaahaaaahaaa!"
Is it true that if the partner c*** in his girl last night and if she drink coffee the next day the girl wont get pregnant like that?
Now check out part 1, 2 , 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Thank God for Infertility!
It is day 1 of my 20th cycle of trying for baby #3. I am surprisingly hopeful for this cycle, but that is a post for another day. Today I am going to go back. Back to where this journey began.
I was nursing Joey and at exactly 3 months I got my cycles back. I won't lie. I was super excited! I wanted to be able to try again right away. Within a week of my first period I ordered my Welcome Womb. I was sure that it wouldn't be long before I was going to need it. It took a few cycles for my hormones to get back to normal but we tried anyway. Then, around that time, I started this blog. When I was sharing those early posts for my 2 or 3 followers, I was feeling like I wanted to hurry up and tell all of the stories I had so that I could catch up to real time. So I wrote about trying for Gavin, my first loss, my subsequent losses, finding out I was pregnant again, and my only solution for preventing another loss. I posted my birthstory of Joey (which is still my most favorite post to re-read). I was all caught up and ready for the next chapter. I was ready and waiting to announce a new pregnancy!
I looked forward to writing about a pregnancy and how tough it is to manage after losing the wonderful innocence of thinking that a pregnancy means a baby. I was ready to speak openly and share my hopes and fears but never in a million years did I think that I would be sharing a journey of infertility. I never did. I was a Fertile Myrtle. Getting the pink lines was an every other cycle occurance. Now look at me. I can't get pregnant for the life of me. What is different now? Did my "luck" just run out? I may never know why this is, but I know one thing...
Even though I am tearing up as I write this, I am so happy that I am here. I don't know why I am "here" but like I wrote so long ago, sometimes it isn't always about me. If I would have been pregnant a year ago, I wouldn't have ever had the amazing opportunity to grow so close to so many wonderful women. I love that by traveling this long and treacherous road, I have been greeted with nothing but love and support. I have been able to love and support so many others who are right here with me, crying the same tears. You know the kind. They are the tears that make your heart physically ache for your sense of another lost opportunity. The tears om compassion when you find someone else who genuinely has wept those same tears. And then the tears that sneak in when you least expect it... The ones that can't be hidden even when you say, "Don't cry. Not now. Not here." 
But then there are the other kind of tears. The kind that come when I smile. When I hear of someone else who gets to experience the miracle that we all desire. When someone who has cried the tears of a miscarriage or infertility finds themselves doing an anxious and excited happy dance. I love getting to dance right along with them!
So I kind of feel like I am rambling, but I just wanted you all to know how much you mean to me. Whether you are quiet and silently cheer me on, comment on every post, find yourself nodding and commiserating, or you think I might be slightly insane, I know God has handed me this path so that I could meet all of you. You all make infertility worth it. Thank you for coming into my life and thank God for infertility!
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