In October of 2010, Doug and I would be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary. It was hard to imagine that 4 years had already passed. I guess the saying holds true that time flies when you are having fun. According to my charts and calendars I was also due to ovulate on our anniversary so I figured that we would at least have a chance of having another positive pregnancy test in a few weeks. If we didn't, we had our appointment to receive the results from our genetic testing at beginning of November. Our anniversary was right around the corner and Doug broke the news to me that he has to be in Canada for business. At first I was sad just to learn that he would be away for our anniversary. Then I was a little extra heartbroken that I was going to ovulate when I was home all alone. Another month was going to pass with no baby 9 months later but again, at least we would be getting some answers. Well, I had hoped so.

If I wasn't already convinced that God has his hand in everything then I was that month. I was taking my temperature every morning and as Doug was out of town I waited for my temperature to rise indicating, for sure, that we had missed our chance. My temperature slowly ticked upward each morning but not enough that I could throw in the towel for that month. It was Friday and Doug was due home that night so on a whim, I took and ovulation test only to get the most positive result I had ever had in my 18 months of trying. I called Doug and made sure he "saved some energy" for when he came home. The rest of the month, I continued to take my temperature but never, unlike every other month in my charting career, had a significant rise in temperature. I had no idea if or when I really ovulated since all I could go on was one OPK.

A little less than 2 weeks later I was eager for Doug and I to meet with Dr. Mooney to get the results from the testing. I was sure that something must be wrong with one or both of us. I certainly didn't want this to be the case but at least with that information in hand, we could get a real handle on what was happening and what our options were. The day before the appointment I took a home pregnancy test just to rule out, for sure, that we were pregnant. There appeared a ghostly shadow of a line.

"Seriously?!" I asked myself. "Again?!"

I wanted more than anything to be pregnant but I was sure that I was just going to miscarry. Again.

The next day, I took another test and the line was darker! I had unavoidable feelings of hopefulness but with an overwhelming sense of dread. It was like driving in fog to an unknown destination. But into that car I climbed. For now, the destination was Dr. Mooney's office for the results.

Normal. Both normal. Unbelievable. We must have the worst luck in the world! Still no explanation for 6 consecutive losses and here we are with yet another, likely doomed, pregnancy. We talked with Dr. Mooney about what to do with the next cycle if/when we miscarried again.

We talked about green beans. Canned green beans. No joke. I asked him if there was anything I could do to improve the quality of my eggs and he referred to my eggs as 33 year old canned green beans. There was nothing I could do to make them younger, look better, or more appealing. At my request, he agreed that we could try Clomid to try to produce a couple more eggs. I think his words were, "Sure. We can throw a few more at the wall and see if at least one will stick. It would improve the odds, I suppose."

Before leaving we did talk about our plan of action with the current pregnancy on the off chance we could make it last. I decided to not use the progesterone suppositories since they hadn't worked in the past and all they seemed to do was prolong the inevitable miscarriage by tricking my body into thinking I was still pregnant. We were also going to skip the Lovenox injections since they were very expensive, not fun to administer to oneself, and failed to keep me pregnant the last time. I decided that I was just going to take my vitamins and baby aspirin. Then, I asked Dr. Mooney about herbs. He said that he didn't think that there was any harm in trying but without saying as much, I don't think he had much faith in them.

That afternoon I ordered the herbs that claimed to prevent miscarriage. I had read testimonials from women that had used these herbs and went on to have happy and healthy pregnancies so I figured, why not give it a shot. Nothing else had worked. I ordered the herbs and waited for them to arrive.