One of the strange things about trying to conceive is how it often feels like I am in some sort of time warped bubble.

I have a very normal cycle so I only have to wait about 12-14 days for ovulation.  Two weeks.  No big deal.  Then starts the two week wait which for me is closer to a 12 day wait to find out if I have to start all over again.  So, a total of 26 days.  That isn't a huge amount of time.  26 days is almost 4 weeks.   I know what you are thinking.  Whoa!  Check out her math skills.

Four weeks of a failed trying to conceive cycle means that someone that got pregnant last cycle, is now 8 weeks pregnant and likely heard a heartbeat.

Another failed cycle for me?  They are now celebrating the end of the grueling first trimester and enjoying a moment or two of relief.

Then 4 weeks later and another one lined test staring back at me, they are starting to stroke an emerging belly and eagerly anticipating those first kicks and rolls of baby.

I forge ahead and try try again.  No dice?  They are finding out the gender.

It really is simple math.  But why does this still feel so strange to me.  I think my brain wants the pregnant ladies should slow down their progress so that I can catch up.  While impossible, it would still make me feel better.

But in fairness, I should say that when I was pregnant, it was completely different.  I couldn't believe how long a week was.  Each week felt like a month.  Each day like a week.

I know I might be kind of babbling but I feel like the mother who looks at her child and wonders to herself, how on Earth did my kid start and finish high school.  Wasn't I just dropping him off at kindergarten?  But ask that same kid how long high school felt?  Forever.  It took forever.

I want to be in high school (minus the dramatic nonsense) is the bottom line.  I want my time to drag in anxious agony.  I want to cross each day off my calendar and smile because I am pregnant.

I should know if I get to watch time go in slow motion by Monday or Tuesday.  Keep the prayers and baby dust coming! 

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I feel like it has been a while since I posted anything personal.    I have just enough energy for bullet points.   

I have been walking twice a day for about 43 minutes each time.  I am logging my calories and exercise each day.  I am slowly starting to see some changes.  I am super excited about that!  Actually lost 4 pounds.  Not to shabby!


I feel like facebook has been quiet.  That scares me.  Call it my ability to anticipate a wave of pregnancy announcements but I really think it is coming.  It is always calmest before the storm of ultrasound pictures and adorable ways to announce a pregnancy. 

Speaking of facebook... every time I consider posting something as my facebook status I ask myself, "Does anyone outside of my immediate family care?"  Sometimes I wish more people would ask the same thing. 

We switched Joey to a toddler bed.  I really anticipated a week of chaos and redirection.  Turns out, even Joey, my wild child, can handle change like a champ.  We left the bed in the exact same place and with the same bedding and everything.  The only thing we changed was the front of the crib is a guardrail.  It is like nothing changed at all! 

I have only taken my morning temp about 50% of the time.  It is kind of nice to not be as focused on the TTC thing.  But... with that said... Last month I found a really good deal on the digital OPKs and they were actually due to expire soon so... can't let those go to waste.  I started testing on day 10 and was shocked to see a smiley face.  I couldn't help but to test again the next day and got a positive in the morning and in the evening.  Then, on cycle day 12, I got two more positive tests in the morning and evening again.  I couldn't help butput in a call to Dr. Google and he told me that studies have shown a correlation between long LH surges and ovulating multiple eggs.  Wouldn't that be ironic on a cycle off from the clomid? 

I am not sure how I came across this event on facebook but I signed up.  It is a birthday card shower for a woman who has a rare heart condition who is celebrating her 30th birthday, a huge milestone for her.  I have two cards so that Gavin can send one and so can I.  I don't know her, but I know how wonderful she will feel when she gets a bunch of birthday cards.  If you are interested, please join me.  

I am about halfway through my two week wait and I promise to update with any news. 


I hope that you all entered the Share the Blog Love giveaway!  Last week to enter!

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  These are all questions about trying to conceive posed in the last 2-3 days.  I did not edit them at all.  I didn't want to insult the integrity of their questions.

What are the chances i could be pregent?

Me and my feonsay have been trying for 4 months thats when i got off birth control. The past 4 days ive been feeling nausous and have.had headaces. 

How many kids could I have by the time I'm 60?
 I'm 24 and have 4 already to 3 different women. I should have 5 but one was aborted. I don't pay for them but I see them often enough. My father managed 13 kids and I want to beat him by at least 5 points.

Well... let's do some math... You have 36 years to procreate given your desire to retire at 60.  Let's assume that you would be a gentleman and only father one child a month.  Granted, it will limit your "points," but it will pay off when you are trying to be an active labor coach to your baby mamas.  If your woman of the month club participants all fall into the general fertility rates of it taking about 3 cycles to conceive, you could have 142 and 1/2 more children.
Oh and just in case you were wondering, if taxpayers pay about 500 dollars/month per child, your "points" will cost us $15,822,000.00.  Any chance you would rather beat your dad at golf?

DADS:Is this gross to you ?

To be on the phone wit your pregnant girlfriend or even fiance or wife. & You hear her say hold on, and you hear her gagging and vomiting. [Morning sickness. it can happen any time of the day.]
Would that be gross to you ?

I did that on the phone with my boyfriend and he sounded grossed out when I picked the phone back up. Just wanted other guys opinions . Thanks.

 Perhaps calling him back would be more appropriate.  I don't care if it is morning sickness or food poisoning, the sounds of someone retching up their lunch is just disgusting!  Man or woman!

 My belly moved but I am not pregnant ?
I had a bath and my belly moved like a baby was kicking me but I am not pregnant ! I had my son 10 months ago 

Chances of pregnancy?
 Can this cause preg I need info?
1.she said she had her tampon
2.it was her tme of month and said moderate flow something
3. she had laced pantie on
4. i *** on her pantie
5. she was wet and she wore her tight jeans right after for like 40min or more and took a bath
6.she said it soakedthrough but was dried,, she felt it was dried.. 

 So, by the details you gave, are you trying to determine if the sperm were hanging out within the delicate design on the lace panties.  They found a bloody road block and decided to just wait for a better opportunity.  The sperm then stayed warm and nestled into her jeans for upwards of an hour and when she climbed into a warm bathtub they swam for the target.  Because she was on her period they might have pitched a tent and camped out for close to 2 weeks until a nice ripe egg popped out.   Uhhh your chances of fatherhood are slim my lace lovin' friend?  Very very very slim.

My girlfriend is pregnant.? She is 3-4 weeks pregnant, we just recently got back together about 4 weeks ago. She said she did had sex with someone on the 19th because I told her to because I had cheated on her recently.. and she was conceive between 22nd-26th between there. but, I had cummed in her so many times arouud the time too but the other kid, never busted in her. Is this kid mine?? PLEASE HELP. we are trying to figure out to keep or have a abortion. - I have busted in her before she got her period and after, Been busting in her for a month and half, and She says that she had several boyfriends and never used proection ad never busted in her never got pregnant til now til I started busting in her. Isnt it mine???

Okay... If you take out all of the "busting in her" and other irrelevant information this is what you are asking:
I have been having unprotected sex with my girlfriend for a month and a half.  She had protected sex with some guy.  You had more unprotected sex with her.  Who in the world could be the daddy?

Do you really need the internet to play Maury Povich?  Can I suggest a name if it is a boy?  How about Buster? 


Now check out part 2 , 3 , 4, 5, 6, 7, and  8, Each one is better than the last!  

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The other day I asked on my facebook page a very personal question.  I asked you how you hear God's voice.  There was a reason I asked.

As I was going through my end of my cycle freak out, I started talking to Doug about what, if anything, our next step might be.  His wise response was that we would do whatever God tells us to do.  If God tells us to do nothing, then we will do nothing.  If He tells us to try clomid again, clomid it will be.  If He tells us that we need to do an IUI, then we would be sinning by not listening to Him.  Soooo... that is great except for the fact that I had no idea how to hear God.  I am constantly talking to myself so is it possible that I am drowning out His voice by having my own running commentary of my ideas, my plans, my time table?

Starting a few nights ago, Doug and I started praying together at bedtime and flat out asking God to please tell us what we should do and to please tell us when our child might come.  About 20 minutes later, I had turned and gotten into my famous, "I'm going to sleep now" position and I was probably 20 seconds from falling asleep when it happened.  It was strange really.  All of the sudden I knew when I would get pregnant.  And then I cried. It seems that God told me, silently but very clearly that I won't get pregnant until after grandma passes away. 

I have written about my grandmother a number of times before but because I love her so much, I'll write about her again.

I remember every Sunday morning, before church, she would get the spaghetti sauce started.  She would be in her bra and slip and would have the kitchen smelling like an Olive Garden by 9am. 

She baked cookies and would have them stashed in plastic ice cream containers in a lazy susan.  Once discovered, I would eat them 3 at a time.  I would secretly hope that no once else would find them and try to position them behind the identical ice cream containers filled with flour and sugar. 

She had a car with a bench seat in the front with an crocheted afghan folded over the seat with a cane (that she refused to use) slung on the back of the seat.  In that car, she would drive 10 miles per hour under the speed limit in the passing lane stating clearly that, "If they want to go around me they can!" 

Grandma was always a really good listener.  She would want me to dish about my boyfriends and by dish, she meant tell me if they were Italian, Catholic, and if his mom and dad were nice people.  One of the guys that I had been dating for a long time and everyone in both of our families has already started hearing wedding bells, dropped a bomb on me.  He dumped me.  Out of the clear blue sky he said it was over and I was sick.  The very next morning, tear stained and congested from the night of crying I went to my grandma's house.  I walked in the door and couldn't get past the kitchen before I started bawling like a baby.  She had me sit next to her, she wrapped me up in a big hug and said, "He was an asshole anyway." 


I told her about two decades ago that I wanted my children to know her.  As she was in her 80s, her quick response was, "Well, I'm not going to be around forever!"  Seeing as how I wasn't even married yet, it made sense but after threatening to go get "knocked up" she agreed to stick around for a while.  Who would have thought that nearly 20 years later, I would have two adorable little boys that get to hug her and give her kisses.  I am so blessed. 

While I very much hope that my children get to continue to know her for a long time, I have to be realistic and know that Grandma was right.  She isn't going to be around forever.  At the ripe age of 99, I am thankful that my desire for my children to know her has been granted.  I know that when I am blessed with another, that if she isn't on Earth, my children will still know her from photos, stories, and sharing all of my wonderful memories.  

I can't help but think that a pregnancy happening after her passing is God's way of giving me a dash of positivity with the looming sadness.  His plan is always perfect!  In the meantime, I am going to keep working on listening for God's voice.  Maybe more important than just hearing it, I need to work on doing what He tells me.  

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When I started my blog so long ago I had no idea what blogging really was.  I had always thought that it was just a way of keeping an online journal that other people might want to read.  It didn't take me long to realize that blogging was so much more than that.

I learned that bloggers were just people, like me, that were okay with putting it all out there.  They were willing to open up their heart, life and uterus to anyone who might benefit from hearing their story.  In the last year I have made friends with so many ladies who's paths thankfully crossed mine.  Blogging has introduced me to a community of women that have enabled me to have the strength, courage and faith to dust myself off and try again.  I have learned from them, cried with them, and appreciated each and every virtual hug they have given me and I have been able to offer. 

This giveaway isn't as much about the money for us.  It is about a really neat way to thank you for finding us, supporting us, and helping us realize that no matter what our road to having our dream family looks like, that we aren't alone.

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

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I decided that if I can't be pregnant then I am going to shift my focus to something that I can do.  I am going to do everything I can to lose weight.


There.  I said it.  It is out there and you all can feel free to hold me to it.  Maybe if I feel like everyone will know when I slack off, I will be less likely to make excuses.  Although, I have to admit, I have a pretty good plan.

I like walking and it is something that I can do even when I have PMS.  I can do it and not feel like I am stressing my body. During the TWW, when I have completely unjustified fears of messing up a possible pregnancy, walking is completely safe.  Plus, I have every intention of continuing walking during a pregnancy.
On Saturday I played around on Netflix and went looking for a TV show that I could get really into.  I found one.  I am not proud of it but after a very short time into the first episode I was hooked.  In fact, instead of doing 30 minutes on the treadmill, I did 60 just so I could watch the end of the episode.  I actually found myself looking forward to my exercise time today because I got to watch some adult TV (I use earbuds) in the middle of the day and see what happened next.  After doing 40 minutes today, I considered for a moment or two if doing 80 minutes of exercise a day would be unreasonable.  Alright, I know you are all asking in your heads what show I am watching... Gossip Girl.  Yes I am a grown woman who lives on a farm and couldn't be further away form this whole world but after two episodes I am emotionally invested.  Plus, if it helps me get skinny, it certainly can't hurt, right?  Don't judge me.

I have 85 episodes left.  Please let me know if you know of any other shows that I can watch online that will keep me entertained and looking forward to my afternoon exercise!  I am really planning a long term activity... well as long as Joey continues his afternoon naps!

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This morning I woke up eager to take my temperature in hopes of... well you know the drill.  Instead of starting my day with hope, I looked a temperature that would make any seasoned charter scream.  It was so low that I am pretty sure my uterus sighed along with me.  Suddenly the cramps that I had been having all week instantaneously began to feel just like period cramps.  Crazy how a morning temperature can suck the joy right out of an entire morning. 
So we did what any family with the blahs would do.  I pulled up my very best big girl period panties and got dressed.  I put on my pretty pink t-shirt with my matching pink John Deere hat (which no farm girl is complete without) and went to Target.  We had a very short list of things to get.  You might think that a morning like mine would entail a road trip for Midol and maxi-pads but after as many cycles as I have been through, I buy that stuff in bulk.  We drove 22 miles for one very important thing.  A giant bubble gun that blows 1,000 bubbles at a time.  That is what I needed today.  Well... that and Starbucks.
And life is good.  It is amazing what a few thousand bubbles can do for a girl's (and a couple of sweet boys') heart.  That is... until it is time to go inside and cook dinner.

I am ready to try again.  I know in my heart that God has another child intended for us. I can't quit knowing that. 

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I am not feeling much like writing lately.  Call it depression.  Call it frustration.  Call it infertility.  I don't know.  I am just so tired of this revolving door of TTC.  I am still not ready to officially throw in the towel on this cycle yet but my hope is diminishing with every hour that passes.  

Yesterday I was lurking on a message board community I used to spend a great deal of time on.  There, I saw a post from a woman who had started trying at the same time I did.  She got pregnant pretty quickly and had her baby.  Yay! Now she is TTC again and I have officially been lapped as she posted a positive pregnancy test.  It is such a weird feeling of running frantically but getting nowhere.   

Sorry.  Nothing inspirational, deep, or entertaining today folks.  Maybe tomorrow...

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Back in my early years of trying to conceive, one phrase that you would see time and time again in message board communities was, "Ooooh!  I think I see it!  Use a FRER (First Response Early Result) or Answer Early!"  That was because most people would use the IC (internet cheapies) to test early so that they weren't wasting money by using very costly name brand home pregnancy tests.  Then if they saw a hint of something they could verify the results with the real deal.  

Guess what folks?  Times they are a changin'! 

I had a hcg trigger shot 10 days ago.  I have been using cheap test strips to watch the trigger leave my system so that when I test for pregnancy, I will know that it is from an implanted embryo and not for that big ol' needle that was in my butt 10 days ago.

Yesterday, about 15 seconds after I dipped my Wondfo, I couldn't hold off any longer and decided to dip an Answer Early test.  I saw the line on my Wondfo slowly appear.  It was light but clear.  Still had hcg in my system.  When I looked to see the results of the Answer I thought for sure the line would be just as clear if not more so.  Well take a look at this! 
So... there you have it.  A nice clear line on a internet cheapie and an almost invisible maybe there maybe not line on a test that retails for 400% or more of the cost.

Today, I did the same experiment and this is the result:
I can still see a very light line on the Wondfo IC but there is nothing at all on the expensive Answer test.

I just had to share!  What have your experiences been with internet cheapies? 

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I have a pee stick addiction.  Here is proof:


My goal is to wait until Monday or Tuesday to test again using a name brand test.  I won't be shocked if I still see a bit of a trigger line but then on Wednesday or Thursday I will see if the line is lighter or darker.  In the meantime, I hope you all have a fabulous weekend! 

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