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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, February 10, 2012

The First Step is Admitting It.

I love a good old fashioned pee stick festival.  I really do!  Some people drink.  Some people smoke.  I pee on things.  I crave it all cycle and then, like most addictions, I reach a point where I realize that I am powerless over my addiction.  Today is that day.  It isn't fun anymore.  I just do it because I have to. 

I took a test yesterday.  Negative.

I took a test last night.  Something???  Maybe??? 

But something doesn't look right.  The line isn't in the right spot.  All that does is encourage me to use two more tests to see what, if anything, that test means.  

It means that it was a faulty test.  Totally negative.

This morning I test again.  It looks negative.  Then about 10 minutes later, I see something.  Don't I?  The more time that passes the more I see that... dare I call it a line?  

Too much time has passed.  It can't be valid.

I am easily coerced into using a First Response test by the lovely Jayme at ttccommunity with using just two words, "FRER time?"

Nothing.  I dip a cheap one too... just because...

Another stupid, shows up too late, dare I call it a line?

I want to scream but that won't make me feel any less crazy.  Maybe, I will feel more crazy if I let it show how completely messed up my brain is right now. Plus those that are chart stalking or are familiar with charting, my nice jaw dropping temp jump must have been a bit of a fever or something because I am right back down.  I am above coverline but no longer the exciting nail biting promising chart it once was.  Let's have a moment of silence for my once awe inspiring chart...

I will continue the madness.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  But see, eventually I will get different result!  I am just hoping that it is this cycle.  I mean these symptoms can't be phantom symptoms!  If they are, my body must be really trying to teach me a lesson.  I haven't had this much breast tenderness since before I conceived Gavin.  I don't usually get cramps more than a day or two at the most before my period.  I have had constant cramping now for almost 4 days.  Maybe tomorrow...  Off I go to Google to see what I can find to reassure me that there is still hope. 


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