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Original post date was 2/7/11
There was a time when I would go to a doctor when I had a health problem and I would just follow their instructions because, well, they are the doctors. They have letters after their name that is supposed to tell me that they know more than me, right? In the past few years I have changed my thinking on this.

I started charting my cycles when I wanted to conceive my first baby. Within a few weeks I really learned how amazing our bodies are and how much they really tell us on a day to day basis. When I got pregnant, I stopped charting (as anyone who charts will tell you to do once you get your positive pregnancy test) until a couple of months after I got my cycles back. Much to my surprise, I had another positive home pregnancy test with my first chart! When I went to the Emergency Room due to the spotting that had really turned more into bleeding, the doctor told me that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I told him that according to my ovulation, I should be about 6 weeks and 3 days. I know that measuring 3 days off on an early ultrasound is not cause for alarm but I thought it was worth mentioning. The doctor gave me a quick grin and told me that I couldn't really know when I ovulated. I told him that I had been charting and I did know when I ovulated according to my temperature, fertility signs, and ovulation pains that happen (for me) a couple of days leading up to my ovulation. He said, "Oh. Okay." in a way that clearly told me that he didn't believe me but wasn't going to debate it.

After my second loss I went in to see my doctor. I asked my OB about using Welcome Womb herbs to prevent miscarriage she dismissed my idea without further consideration. She did give me some line about how herbs aren't FDA regulated and therefore shouldn't be used since there haven't been studies (with government oversight) to determine what they actually do. So, her plan of action was going to be to run some tests when I got pregnant again, meaning beta hcg and progesterone. As most of you know, and I know now, running those tests doesn't keep anyone pregnant. The progesterone may be able to be improved if it is low but that wasn't going to tell me anything. Well, despite having doubling (just barely) hcg numbers and progesterone within normal limits, that pregnancy was lost as well.

After several more months of charts under my belt, and a couple more losses, I went to my OB armed with questions. I wanted to know why I was losing the pregnancies. This was the first time that when I wasn't satisfied with an answer, I continued to ask for more clarification, explanation, and information. After a few questions where my doctor couldn't answer to my satisfaction, she finally was willing to admit that she didn't know the answer. That was a major turning point in my relationship with my doctor. In a good way. Now, my doctor was nothing more that a woman a few years older than me who read some books in college that taught her what she knows. She and I just read different books. We began working together to figure out how to proceed. It was no longer me just nodding and wondering what I was going to do next. We were a team. A team that decided it was time to go to a specialist. A Reproductive Endocrinologist. With a name like that, I had to get some answers!

Well, I didn't. But again, I asked my questions and didn't stop until I was satisfied with his answers. I like Dr. Mooney, a lot, because he really took his time to talk, explain, and clarify and didn't seem to get a bruised ego if I questioned his opinions. Again, I developed a great relationship with my doctor because I refused to think of him as anything other than a guy who read different books than me.

I don't want anyone to think that I am not appreciative of doctors. I have a lot of respect for them since, I am sure, medical school isn't a piece of cake. I just wish that more people could recognize that doctors, while highly educated and skilled, are really just people. They lose their car keys, misplace their television remote, and burn dinner. They probably have cried themselves to sleep once. They have probably been an a car accident that was their own fault. I remind myself of this every time I walk into a doctor's office. I can't be intimidated by them and I can't assume they have all of the answers. I need to be able to communicate with them so that, together, we can solve whatever problem we have using both of our brains.

When I decided, with Dr. Mooney's knowledge and blessing, to try the Welcome Womb and went on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy, I couldn't help but wonder that if I hadn't just gracefully accepted my OB's opinion on herbs, if my whole life would have been different. I know that everything happens for a reason and that if I had tried the herbs and they had worked, I wouldn't have my dear sweet Joseph who is worth everything I went through. Still makes me wonder though.

We just came home from the doctor and we have answers! While it looks like it is going to be a very long road to recovery, we at least have a destination on that road. The diagnosis is autoimmune hepatitis. Now, I should emphasize that this is not a contagious form of hepatitis (like A, B, C, or D). Simply put, Doug's autoimmune system was somehow threatened and is now not recognizing his liver as his own. So, his immune system is fighting against his liver and causing him to feel nauseous, fatigued, and generally wiped out. Knowing the name of what we are dealing with and fighting against brings us some peace.

As far as treatment, this looks like it will be a long long journey. He will be taking some steroidal medications which should help him feel better in a couple of weeks. He will also be having a liver biopsy to determine to what extent we are dealing with the hepatitis. The treatment is going to take 2-3 years. Yes. You heard me. Years. The rate of recurrence of this is also 30-40% at some point in the future.

I am so happy that we have direction but I am so sad that, first of all, it is going to take a couple of weeks before he will feel any better. I am also sad that he has to potentially deal with this all over again at some point. I have always been blessed to have healthy people around me. Major illnesses just don't happen to us. So all of the emotions that come along with doctor's appointments. tests, and medications are so new to me. For whatever reason, while my recurrent losses were emotional, this feeling is very different. I think it was because, even if I was never able to have more children, my existence wasn't threatened. My individual "quality of life" wasn't directly effected in a long term way. This is a new place I find myself in, but God must have chosen this road for us for a reason.

Doug will be fine, but I think that the last week or so has really reminded me about what is important. It is so easy for me to get caught up in having another baby, but my husband's health is so much more important to me. I need him and he needs me. So... while my husband is on the mend, I think our effort to add to our family is going to be on hold- unless of course I am already pregnant (and there is a chance for that). I know that God's timing is perfect so I am putting it in His hands.

Thank you for all of the prayers!!



(I promise to get back to more festive and fun posts soon!)


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