Let me start by saying that yesterday afternoon I got a nice dark positive ovulation test. While I know that our chances of conceiving are slim, I still like to give God the opportunity to bless us if it is His will. But... the plot thickens.

Doug got a message from our General Practitioner on Friday afternoon to call the office as soon as possible. He had done some blood work recently so we expected that there must have been some issue with that. Unfortunately it was too late for us to call the office on Friday so he called first thing Monday morning. Just when we were starting to feel like we might have a decent handle on things we learn that he now had steroid induced diabetes. The teeny little silver lining is that this, like gestational diabetes, will go away once the trigger goes away. In pregnancy, that would be delivery. In Doug's case, when he gets off the steroids his blood sugars will return to normal as well. Another wonderful side effect of his medications is that it can effect bone marrow and his blood test indicated that this may also become an issue as well as his platelet count is elevated. This is just something that needs to be watched.

Doug already had an appointment to see his GI doctor in the afternoon so this is where the plot takes a nice, heartbreaking turn. He saw the nurse practitioner and they were talking about the medications and the side effects. She then asked him if "he was going to have babies." Doug responded that we were. She quickly advised him not to try because the Imuran that he takes is "toxic to a fetus through the male." It was my understanding that he would be taking the imuran for the rest of his life. So when Doug told me this news all I could hear was, 'This is the end. No more babies. No last pregnancy to enjoy." But then my train of thought was quickly interrupted by a much faster and much more angry train of thought. "Toxic to a fetus through the male?!" What does that even mean? How would a sperm that was healthy enough to fertilize an egg (despite our already diminished odds) be toxic to a not yet developed fetus? I know I am not a doctor but this just doesn't seem to make sense. I could understand if it was a woman who needed to be on the medication as it does seem to be one that crosses the placenta but... through the male?! Another frustration is that no one mentioned this in the last 3 months that he has been on the medication. One would think that if this was such a serious concern that this would be on the short list of important things to share with anyone of child bearing age. Right?

We have decided that while we seek some clarification from someone, hopefully my RE, we are going to put it in God's hands. The chances are so slim that if I do become pregnant then I know that God's will has been done. Toxic or not. Whatever that means.


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