Originally posted  7/18/11
One of the toughest things to manage is hearing someone else announce a pregnancy when dealing with your own loss(es) or infertility. Whether it is a unexpected announcement or learning that your friend who was trying had success, it always stings. Their words are, "Guess what?! We are pregnant! Due in March!" The words you hear in your head are, "Oh God, no! Here it comes. Come on fake smile. Go away hormonal tear in the corner of my eye! Oh crap. They are pregnant. Wow. It took them what 2 months?! The next 9 months are going to suck. Suck. Really. Bad." It is one thing to hear someones news of pregnancy on Facebook where you can block them from your news feed for the next 10 months, but what happens when it is someone you will be seeing on a routine basis, talking on the phone with, or forced to share a workspace with?

So after contemplating finding a new job, faking a highly contagious illness that could harm any fetus within a 3 mile radius, and relocating to a remote corner of the world, you realize that the only way to get through this is going to be to fake it as best you can. You know you will cry in the car on the way home, for 6 minutes after you are off the phone, or to the one close friend who knows your journey and can understand your pain. There is one other option. Maybe helping them understand your feelings will help everyone co-exist during a pregnancy. This is my attempt to explain how I feel.


Dear Pregnant Lady,

I want to say that I am happy for you that you are growing a baby in your belly. It is an amazing journey. One that I have been wanting for myself. I want to be happy for you, but right now I am just sad that it isn't me. I want to say congratulations. I do. But the words are getting caught up in my throat because my emotional tears are stronger than my ability to speak.

I am anticipating how you will be going through some incredible and miraculous changes and the only miraculous changes I seem to be able to have my body do is digest lunch and deliver a poop semi regularly. I know that in a few more weeks you will be feeling the first kicks and while I am sure you will be surprised and excited to share that special moment with everyone, please don't offer to let me feel it. It will only remind me of what I am not feeling inside of my own stomach.

When you are making your invite list for your baby shower, include me in it. But, please don't be offended if I don't come. I may manage to come and oooh and aaah at all of the cute outfits, but I may also bring a little bit of jealousy. I may need to escape to a bathroom and claim to be having digestive issues. I won't be pooping. I'll be crying and likely changing my tampon.

You might want to share some words of encouragement about a friend, aunt, or sister who struggled and then had their happy healthy baby. I know you mean well, but I just wish that I could be on this pregnancy journey right now too. No matter how many millions of other women who struggled to get pregnant or stay pregnant and then had success, it still doesn't put a baby in my womb today, like you have.

I want you to know that my seeming disinterest in your pregnancy isn't because I don't care about you. It is because I do care about you. I am just trying to cope the only way I can, and don't want you to feel anything but joyous and happy in your pregnancy.

My feelings may change at some point in the future. Probably at about the exact moment that I have two pink lines and a heartbeat to go along with it, but for now, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers as mine will be with you and your baby on the way as well.

Sincerely,
My Empty Uterus