I have watched the show, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, a number of different times. I know I am not alone in the shock and awe that I have when I watch woman after woman tell their stories of having no clue that they were pregnant. I know that if women have an irregular cycle they might not suspect that they were late. I know that some women have periodic episodes of bleeding or spotting during pregnancy. But, really?! Nine months of no clue that there was a human growing inside of your womb?!

I blame this stupid TV show for my delusional thinking. Almost every cycle, when I see my temperature drop indicating that my period will be showing up, I ditch the thermometer for a while. There is no need for me to wake up every morning at the same time to take my temperature to remind me that I am just sitting around waiting to ovulate. Then, I wonder... Maybe I am one of those women. Maybe I really am pregnant! I have even been know to use a pregnancy test after my period, just to make sure. Because, really, if you really think about it, you can feel pregnancy symptoms no matter where you are in your cycle. Needless to say, about 12 seconds after using a test, I think about how ridiculous I am.

I love pregnancy too much to wish that I could not know I was pregnant for 9 months but I would love to not know I was pregnant for a few months. I would love to find out after the first trimester. Then, for me, I could feel like I was out of the woods. I could just sit back and enjoy the fun parts of pregnancy. But, sadly, this will never happen.

I love what charting has taught me. I love that since finding Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I have a much better idea as to what is happening inside of my body. I enjoy having a little understanding of the miraculous things God created our bodies to do. But, on the flip side, I will never not know these things. I will never be able to just let things happen. I will always know in the back of my mind, temperatures or no temperatures, if and when I have ovulated. I will know when I am fertile. I will know when I am not. And, the most difficult for me right now is that I will always know when I am not pregnant.

Again, I love what I know, but I am a bit envious of women who are blissfully unaware. I just feel like knowing one's fertility is like riding a bike. I know it and will never be able to forget.

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