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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Saturday, March 5, 2011

Counting My Blessings

I know how hard it is to go through a pregnancy loss. I know that most women agree that a loss is a loss, regardless of when it happens in a pregnancy but I am thankful that I lost my pregnancies early. My heart breaks every time I hear about a late term loss or a still birth. I literally shed tears and my heart aches. It is almost more painful than my own early losses.

Then, on a whole other level of loss and pain, I read stories like that of the Staats family. I read this woman's blog last night and cried so hard for her that I had to take breaks so that I could catch my breath. I couldn't even tell Doug what I was reading because words couldn't come out of my mouth.

Last night, with a tired and tear stained face, I was slowly drifting off to sleep. A few a moments later I was awakened by Joey. I went to his room and gave him the pacifier that had fallen from his mouth and tiptoed out of the room. I crawled back to bed eager to get warm and comfortable again to be awakened by his cries. I went into his room, calmed him again, and just stood there. I cried for Maddie's mom. I was calming my fussy baby, initially frustrated by my desire for sleep, only to recognize how many women were crying in their beds because of having an empty crib with no crying baby.

I took a few moments and prayed for all of these women. I prayed that they find peace and that they look to God for His comfort. Then, I thanked God for all of my blessings. It is easy to take for granted all of the wonderful things we have and I have to thank Maddie for reminding me to hold my boys just a little bit closer for just a little bit longer.


Jayme said...

It's just so unfair :(

kattie said...

Ditto for me too. Josh says I stress him out after I read things like their story. I have to say that maybe I'm paranoid but after reading that blog, I decided to spurge on a new baby monitor. I know God molds my fate but it gives me a little bit of peace to think that maybe he intended me to buy it and this was just the road he mapped out for me to get there. I read in one women's review for the Angelcare movement/temp sensor monitor that she thinks it saved her DD's life. She got two monitors and debated on which one to return. She took back the super $$ video one so she could buy a second carseat. Some days later, her DD stopped breathing one nite and the alarm went off. She wondered if she hadn't kept that monitor, would she have woke up the next morning to something horrible? God steers us in mysterious ways. Sorry to go off topic, this thought sticks out in my mind when the woman who lost her baby said that the sitter had no monitor.
While I have a monitor, the date on the unit says 2001 and it has some wear from use with ODS. I even noticed that the other day it just shut off for no reason. I'm just hoping for a nite where I'm not afraid to sleep.

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