I was doing really good.  Really.  And not in the way that I was trying to be doing good.  I really was feeling good and positive about getting some concrete answers and trying again.  Then starting yesterday, he found me.

The Miscarriage Monster is a real sneaky one.  He has the quietest footsteps ever.  He can creep up from behind me without as much as a sound, but when I see his face, he is taunting me to cry.  No real good reason for the tears, but crying fuels him.  If a tear happens to slip from my eye, he feels so powerful.  He stops tiptoeing and walks there right next to me bobbing along just waiting for a few more tears to fall so that he can really get under my skin.  While I was busy ignoring him,  he walks me past the maternity clothes at Target.  Bastard. 

I turn away and quickly move past the spring dresses and flowy tops.  I look at the Men's section instead of looking at the couples looking quizzically at the bottles and breastpumps and arrive safely at the intended destination.  As I am about to head to the cash registers, I realize that I should probably pick up some ovulation tests so that I can see how messed up my cycle is going to be.  As I walk past the vaginal creams, lubricants, and condoms, I reach for the ovulation tests.  Then, in the corner of my eye, that blasted Miscarriage Monster is rolling around on the floor, calling far too much attention to me.  I shouldn't be buying ovulation tests.  I am not supposed to be here.  I am supposed to be feeling ill from the smell of Starbucks wafting through the air.  I am supposed to be holding my jeans together with a rubber band because I am so bloated.  I am supposed to be deciding how and when to tell my everyone the big news.  I am supposed to be pregnant. 

But, I am not pregnant anymore.  I am not looking forward to an ultrasound next week.  I am only hoping to find out why my body keeps doing this.  I need answers. I want to celebrate my next pregnancy without the fear that the Miscarriage Monster will get another stab at me.  I hate him.

I received a question from Kelly who shared the story her heartbreaking loss of her son at 16 weeks. My prayers are going out to her and all of the "Kellys" of the world. These were her questions:

I know everyone is different, but I was curious as to what your post miscarriage cycles were like? Did you ovulate, was it a long cycle, short one, etc?

With my first and latest loss at 6.5 weeks, I ovulated about 2 weeks after my bleeding has stopped. My luteal phase was significantly shorter at 7 days. Also, since I was using my basal body temperature to chart my ovulation I could see that my temperatures were a little different. They usually had a clear thermal shift indicating ovulation but that cycle, my temps did rise but not significantly. So, going by days, my cycle was about the same length but far from normal.

After my subsequent early losses my cycles would resume their typical patterns right away with ovulation maybe delayed by a day or two. But, the truth is, who knows if that was a result of my early loss or just within my range of normal.

Did your dr. advise you to wait so long after your miscarriages before conceiving again? I've done a lot of research (as I'm sure you have too) and it seems there is a lot of variance in what women are told anywhere from 0-12 cycles. My dr. said 3.

My OB initially told me to wait until after my first period to try again. She explained that this would be to better date the pregnancy. But in the same breath she told me that if I were to conceive before my period she would just do an early ultrasound to determine a due date. Granted, I would have been able to tell her when I conceived due to my experience with charting but she isn't a believer in charting and I didn't want to turn down an opportunity for a reassuring ultrasound. After having a couple more losses and finally getting to see an RE, I asked him if I should take a break from trying and give my body a break. I was starting to think that my losses were related to having essentially back to back to back pregnancies. He told me that there was no reason to wait unless I needed a break emotionally.

I don't have any real experience with later losses. If I were you, I would ask your doctor what his/her reasons are for waiting the three months. After he/she has answered to your satisfaction, then make your decision. And, I encourage you to pray and ask God to guide you in your path to another child. God's plan is perfect and He will lead you in the right direction.

I am so sorry for your loss and pray that if it is in God's will that your next pregnancy is a long, happy, and healthy one!

If you have any questions you would like for me to answer please see the link at the top of the page that reads, "Ask Me Anything." I look forward to answering your questions.





*Disclaimer- I am not a doctor or health professional. My answers are from my personal experience and you should always consult your doctor, midwife, or other health professional concerning your medical treatment.