I know that my losses are all early losses, but I still breathe a short sigh of relief when I pass this milestone.  I no longer need to use the doppler to verify that he is still in there and doing okay.  He is kicking and poking me routinely and Gavin was even able to feel him a couple of times.

Speaking of Gavin, he couldn't be more excited about the new baby coming.  He talks about it to anyone who will listen including, cashiers, WalMart greeters, and anyone else who feigns interest.  He has been especially cuddly lately and one evening told me that he wanted to snuggle with me and the baby.  He curled up next to me on the couch and slung and arm over my tummy and life was good. Very very good. 

Joey is also looking forward to a new baby brother although I am pretty sure he doesn't really get it.  I think he knows that there is a "baby" in my belly and that that "thing" will be his brother, but I also think  he pictures it more like a stuffed animal that we can heave into the corner.  We're trying to get him ready for the shock of a lifetime. 

You probably wouldn't believe me but I really do have a lot of blog posts in my head and ready to be transcribed into works of art or at least a series of sentences that make up a really good paragraphs.  It has been so long since I really wrote.  For those of you who have been blog readers for a long time, then you know the ones I mean.  The ones that are sometimes on the "other side of the fence."  Maybe even considered controversial by some.  Yeah.  Those topics.  I don't know why I stopped writing those posts.  It might be because I was consumed with infertility and the quest for a baby.  It might also be the fact that I have grown so close to so many of you, that I worry a lot more about burning bridges that I value. 

Loyal friends and readers: Please know that it is not my goal to be offensive or start a fight.  I am not attacking anyone, just sharing my thoughts and opinions.  I am not secretly trying to pick on anyone in particular.  I am always open to friendly debates and discussions that can be handled passionately yet respectfully.

Perhaps next week I'll post something juicy!  For now... I'll leave you with some fun pictures!

What a wild week!! A quick recap involves what feels like panic attacks, 3 massive nose bleeds and a bad back.  Yes.  It was good times here at my house. 

The back ache was quickly resolved after some chiropractic care.  If any of you are on the fence about whether or not seeing a chiropractor during pregnancy is a good idea, mark me down for a big fat YES!!  I went from having incredibly painful back spasms to being able to sit and stand without first mapping out my plan of attack.  I feel sooo much better!!

I had an OB appointment today and mentioned my crazy panicky issues and gushing nose bleeds.  Turns out, our good pal progesterone is responsible for both and that he isn't concerned about either issue.  Since he isn't worried, neither am I.  Fair warning though, if you live locally and see me with 8 pounds of tissues crammed in my nose with an ice pack and trying to catch my breath while monitoring my pulse, don't worry.  I am just pregnant. 

The very best part of today was that I got to take a tour of the birth center at the hospital.  It was a quick tour as there wasn't much to see but I think I am in love.  The rooms (labor, delivery, postpartum, and rooming in with baby) are large and spacious.  Floors are shiny hardwood and really looks homey compared to the "regular" hospital I am familiar with.  The bathroom is also nice and big and has nice big showers with a real shower curtain and shower stall!  I know this probably isn't big news to most of you but based on my prior experience, the showers were in the bathroom with no real separation between the toilet and the shower.  There was a curtain so that the whole room didn't get wet but the floor was all just sloped toward the drain.  But wait!!!  Aside from the TV/s equipt with DVD players, each room has a mini fridge!  I know I mentioned this before but after I deliver the baby, they remove the delivery bed from the room and a queen sized Murphy bed pulls down from the wall et viola!  Comfort!

The best part is the birth tubs!  I envisioned an inflatable tub that resembled an inner tube crossed with a black trash bag.  These tubs that I saw were REAL bath tubs!  Big!  Deep!  They looked so comfy!  I originally thought that maybe I would labor in the tub, but after seeing those bad boys, I might be willing to deliver in it too!  The tubs has lights for crying out loud!  Lights! 

Then as we returned to the hallway I noticed that the halls were carpeted and far from looking hospital-ish.  They don't have a nursery but she said that if I want to sleep, they will take the baby for a while and bring the baby to me for feeding.  As I realized how quiet everything was, I had to ask her how many babies they deliver in a month.  Her answer was, "About 30." One baby a day on average.  I think that is just amazing!  Talk about getting all the attention I could possibly need!  This place just might be heaven for delivering babies. 

I can't tell you how excited I am about delivering at this place.  Four more months.  That is it! 

Officially on the downside of the hill of pregnancy and holding on tight.  I am able to feel him move pretty regularly now and it is reassuring except for when it isn't.  His kicks and jabs ore just subtle enough that unless I am sitting or laying down with the intention of paying attention to him, I don't notice.  Then, I find myself at dinner time thinking, "Uh oh.  I don't think I have felt him move today.  Or did I?  I think I did.  No.  Wait.  That was yesterday.  Or this morning?  Let me just grab the doppler to double check on him."  In fact, I did this exact thing before I started writing this post.  I honestly don't know what I would do without that little machine. 

I am going to talk about a day that is celebrated in every family except for when it isn't.  Mother's Day is this Sunday, May 12th.  It is easy to think that this is a day for all of the mothers of the world to get homemade greeting cards and breakfast in bed.  Maybe a day "off" from cooking.  Maybe even some flowers and 15 minutes of alone time in the bathroom to poop in peace.  While this is pretty common stuff, there are other women out there who dread this day. 

There are women who long to snuggle a baby of their own, to get a slobbery kiss from a kid with daddy's smile, to kiss a boo-boo with a magic healing kiss that haven't yet realized this dream. Mother's Day holds a very different meaning for these women.  Also, what about the mothers who carried babies in their wombs but find themselves with wounded hearts due to loss? 

It is easy to focus all of our attention on the "Moms" of the world this Sunday, but I ask all of you to acknowledge the women who find themselves hurting.  I won't claim to know the right words to say to them or the best thing to do for them, but I do know that they will appreciate the effort.  

This weekend, I'll be thinking of all of the women who have traveled the road of infertility or loss.