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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Friends and Ultrasound Wands

When a couple is trying for a baby, it is all most women can think about.  Breakfast, lunch and dinner consists of basal body temperatures, prenatal vitamins and supplements, and timing intercourse.  Each facebook post about pregnancy feels like a very personal attack.  It is hard to think that it could be worse.  But, today, I realized how dealing with infertility from where I stand, could be considered easy.  

My baseline ultrasound today was with a doctor that I went to high school with.  She was in the same class as my brother and since it was a small school, we were acquainted.  So when I see her, it is a bit awkward.  I obviously called her by her first name in youth, but there is something a little odd about not referring to her as Dr. M when she has an ultrasound wand peeking at my ovaries. 

As old acquaintances do, we exchanged small talk and asked how each other was doing.  She explained that she was tired and revealed that she was 25 weeks pregnant.  I should have been able to spot a 25 week baby bump under her tightly stretched pullover sweater, but I hadn't.  I stuttered through my awkward excuse for not having noticed, and congratulated her. 

She was looking at the ultra sound screen and cocked her head.  Without giving her .2 seconds to say anything, I asked her if there was a cyst.  She smiled and told me that I looked fine.  I felt the need to explain that I was coming off of a chemical pregnancy and was worried that it was going to drag on in the form of a cyst.  She assured me that everything looked fine and that I was going to be able to go ahead with an IUI this cycle. As she finished up the scan, she shared a personal story. 

She had been trying to conceive for a really long time.  On Thanksgiving, she felt a little strange and had been spotting so she felt like she needed to take a pregnancy test.  It was positive but she knew that between light lines on pregnancy tests and the spotting, that things weren't going to end well.  (Did you catch that?!?!  My RE was assessing the darkness of lines on a pregnancy test!)  Her beta just wouldn't drop all the way down and she spent weeks waiting for a doomed pregnancy to end.  She explained that she found herself still at Christmas, waiting for the end. 

I almost cried when I remembered how I was at the office on Christmas Eve for a baseline ultrasound and having chit chat with her about the holiday and plans.  Never did the thought cross my mind that she, a fertility doctor, would be waiting to miscarry after trying for that baby for a very long time. 

It is just another example of how we never ever know someone else's story.  Had she not told me this story, I would probably have assumed that she got pregnant 37 seconds after she decided to try.  I mean, if it is in the water, the RE's office would be the place to drink gallons of it, right?   Infertility doesn't discriminate and apparently a fertility doctor can have it too.  While I groan at another facebook pregnancy announcement every few months, her occupation is getting people pregnant.  A unique place to be, where you are helping couples get pregnant but you can't do the same thing for yourself.  Every day of her life is like staring at a facebook feed of nothing but pregnancy announcements.  

So... anyway... I am cyst free and will be starting clomid tomorrow.  Then, in about 10 days, I will trigger ovulation using an injection of hCG.  I also got the results from Doug's most recent analysis and my untrained eye tells me that it is quite possible that the reason we have had such a hard time is due to the swimmers being a little sluggish.  So, an IUI should really up our chances of pregnancy.  I am hopeful and looking forward to what is to come.  


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