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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

How To Tell Me You Are Pregnant

Hearing someone else's good news can be gut wrenching for me.  But, sometimes it really isn't.  I might be tempted to say that my response has a lot to do with how much I like you, but that isn't true.  It is more about how you tell me, how supportive you are, and how sensitive you are to my feelings.  I don't want anyone to have to join the crappy clubs I belong to, but I need to know that the pregnant people in my life recognize that I do hold several membership cards.  If you have good news to share with me, I can tell you what you can do to help me celebrate with you.  Otherwise, I just might be sent running to the top level of a parking garage with a shamrock shake, a large box of tissues, and expel one loud and ear piercing scream.

Please do not tell me about how you weren't really trying and just got a surprise.   If you aren't prepared, don't think you can handle one more, have no baby stuff, thought your baby making days were long over, etc. don't tell me that.  

Do tell me that you always wanted a large family, that you are feeling overwhelmed but blessed, or that you are looking forward to figuring things out.  

Please do not give me advice on how to get pregnant.  Even if your "technique" is fool proof, chances are, I have tried it.  Twice.  

Do tell me that you can appreciate how much my heart aches and that you are willing to listen to me if I ever need to vent.  I may not choose to vent over your rotund baby bump, but it is nice to have the option.

Please do not pretend as if you have no idea that I am dealing with infertility or miscarriages when you know this is the case.  Acting like it hasn't even crossed your mind makes me think that you don't care.  

Do tell me that you are aware of how I might feel and ask me if I am okay.  Let me cry without taking it personally and reach out to me.  Hugs mean a lot. 

Please do not disappear.  In addition to the pain of infertility or loss, I am also afraid that all of my friends are driving their minivan to Mommyhood without me.  If you fade out of my life, it is only going to confirm that fear.  Pregnant or not, I need friends. 

Do invite me over for coffee or ice cream (OR coffee flavored ice cream!) and chat about work, life, celebrity gossip, or favorite recipes.  I probably don't want to talk much about nursery colors, adorable onsies, or your aches and pains of pregnancy, but I need you to still care about me.  

Please do not ask me to give up even if you think I should.  Even if you think exploring other options isn't giving up, it won't sound good coming from you.  

Do let me steer the conversations about my journey to pregnancy.  I may very well choose to look into other options, but unless I ask for your opinion on what steps to take next, please keep those thoughts to yourself.  

Please do not forget that the arrival of your most adorable little miracle isn't the end of my pregnancy induced jealousy.  Not only is your snuggle bug a reminder of what I should be holding in my arms, it is also representative of how much time has passed.  Getting lapped in the quest for baby is a tough thing for me.  

Do know that if you are ever in a situation where you find yourself dealing with a loss(es) or the inability to get pregnant, I will be here for you.  I will tell you anything and everything you want to know.  They are crappy subjects to know a ton about, but if my experience can help you, I vow to be just as supportive and sensitive as you have been to me. 

Congratulations to all of the mamas to be!  May your pregnancies be long, healthy and happy! 


Megan Powell said...

Bless you, sister! Such a perfect post. Praying that you will soon get to use your own advice ;)

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