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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Thursday, February 23, 2012

24 Hours Later

Yesterday I used my last First Response test in the house.  I have always given myself permission to feel a little more confident after the test line gets darker than the control.  As I watched this very thing happen yesterday I was slowly converting my ifs to whens.  I allowed myself to take a deep breath and embrace that I was going to have a baby in October.
yesterday afternoon's test

Today, started like any normal day.  Gavin climbed into our bed and wanted to watch an episode of Little Einsteins on Disney Junior.  I turned on the TV, covered him up, and decided to take advantage of Joey sleeping in a bit to steal a quick shower.  I even took 5 minutes to shave my legs.  We ate breakfast and started getting ready to get Gavin off to preschool.  I made a quick trip to the bathroom after getting dressed, wiped, and had no other word than "shit!"  Staring back at me on that toilet paper was blood.  Not a lot but for me, bleeding during early pregnancy has never ended good.

As I drove Gavin to school I noticed that I was feeling really crampy.  I have had some mild cramping since before my positive test but this is different.  I feel like Aunt Flo is about to come bursting through my front at any second.  The bleeding hasn't stopped.  The cramps are getting worse.  I know where this is heading.
Today's test.  It has dried a bit darker but still not as dark as yesterday's.

I am going to get blood work done in the morning and an ultrasound if the bleeding increases.

I know that I need to pray for God's will.  I know that no matter how this story ends, it is for a good reason.  It may make no sense to me now or ever, but somewhere in this universe my experience today is necessary in order to execute God's perfect plan. 

I am feeling pretty low with intermittent moments of fleeting hope.  I know it isn't over yet.  I know there is a small chance that I get to be a success story where spotting/bleeding turns out to be nothing at all.  My heart is telling me otherwise.


Jemima said...

aww Maria, hang in there, i said a prayer for you,all will be well

Maria said...

Maria...I am so so sorry.
You're an amazingly strong and faithful woman.
Prayers will continue. I won't lose hope!

My first words were always "shit" too ;)

So much love

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