Yesterday I was hopeful.  I had a light line on my pregnancy test and I thought for sure that 13 days after my trigger shot there would be NO WAY that could be the trigger still.  Joke was on me.  My temperature is climbing back down toward the coverline on my chart, two negative tests, and the cramps setting in first thing this morning well... there is no denying where this is headed. 

Last night I took a nice hot bath.  It was nice but I mentioned to Doug that one day I would love to have big, deep tub where I could soak comfortably.  His eye roll suggested that he was annoyed at my comment.  I asked him why and and he explained that there are so many expensive things on "the list" like needing a minivan.  I couldn't help but break down and cry. 

"It isn't like we have any kids on the way so we don't need a new car."

I stood at the sink crying silent tears as I finished washing dishes. 

I don't know why I was feeling so sure this cycle.  I don't know why I thought this was going to be a start instead of another end.  I know that God will bless me with another eventually I just need to be patient and thankful that he knows what is best for me and when it will be best for me.  I won't lie and say I haven't already calculated what my due date would be if I get pregnant next cycle.  I have and it has given me a little bit of a smile on this dismal and PMS filled day.  If I get pregnant this cycle I will be due just before my beloved grandmother's 100th birthday.  I would love, more than anything, to be due at such an important time as the matriarch of the family's century mark.  I can think of nothing more special. 

So as I wait for the impending visit from that wretched Aunt that just can't seem to get off the invite list, I am planning for next cycle.  The wonderful people from Early-Pregnancy-Tests.com will be sending me an OvaCue fertility monitor so that I can optimize my chances this cycle!  I will also be using their supplement called FertileCM and Doug will be taking FertileAid for Men.  Maybe this will be our winning combination! 

On a completely unrelated note: A friend of mine from what seems like a lifetime ago, gave birth to the most amazing, sweet, and handsome little man 8 weeks ago.  He has Down's Syndrome and is in heart failure and will be getting open heart surgery any day now.  Please keep Baby C. in your prayers for a quick and full recovery!