I love Christmas.  I do.  But, boy am I ever glad it is all over.  About 10 years ago I had a job working with juvenile delinquents at a treatment center and got stuck working midnights for a while.  Today, I have felt just like I did when I worked a midnight shift, slept for a few hours then got up and tried to have a normal afternoon.  I'm tired and not all "here".  But all in all it was a weekend with family, fun, laughter and, of course, gifts.

As a farewell to Christmas for another 364 days, here is a short video of Gavin coming downstairs and seeing his "big" gift.  I love the genuine excitement and wonder in his eyes!


Now... Lets get back to baby making!  Last cycle was a bust.  I went to the RE on Christmas Eve to get a baseline scan.  As I sat on the paper lined table I thought to myself, "Is it weird that I am Facebook friends with the doctor that is about to come in a take a little peek at my ovaries?"  Since I was alone and had to answer my own question, I decided that, "Yes.  It is a little weird."  But then I decided that if anyone was going to be poking around my nether regions, it may as well be someone I was in a high school dance class with.  Then I glanced around the room and looked at the classy framed art (I had to go to the main office which is much bigger and much nicer) and sort of missed the posters with the cartoon drawing of a uterus.  I think I can identify and draw a diagram of a uterus and the life cycle of an egg after my numerous visits to the OB and RE in the last 5 years.  Oh... I also know a thing about menopause and osteoporosis.   Those posters are so informative!  But I digress.  On Christmas Eve there was just art.  Art and one calendar affixed to a cupboard door.  I really wish that I had taken a photo of that calendar so that you could better appreciate what I am about to share.  On the calendar was an outline of a abstract woman's figure holding a baby.  Nothing is wrong with that except in the room that is dimly lit, I didn't notice that it was a drawing of a woman.  All I saw was the profile of a man's body and what really was the woman's leg looked nothing like a leg... if you know what I mean.

So after I saw the doctor and she declared me as cyst free, we wished each other Merry Christmas and that should have been the end.  But no.  Not I.  I can't see an optical illusion of a womans leg, see a penis, and keep this all to myself, right?  I mean after all we are facebook friends.  I guess if anyone I know is going to think I am constantly thinking about sex and such things, it should be the person (other than my husband) who is helping me to get pregnant.

I started the Clomid again this cycle and am really hoping that this can be the last one.  Gavin ripped the button off of my thermometer and while it still works I would love to let it retire.  My hip propping pillow is starting to get flat and I would really like to only pee in a cup at my doctors office where I can write my name on the cup and let someone else play with it.  I want so much to be able to sit back and enjoy 2012 and welcome a new little person into our lives.  But I know that what I want and what I need are two different things.  God will give me everything I need this year.