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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Monday, December 19, 2011

Doug's Guest Post: Manly Miscarriage

What do you do when the person you love has a broken heart? What do you do when it breaks again and again from miscarriage after miscarriage?

For the most part, men are less emotional creatures than women. I'm not suggesting more or less emotion is good or bad only that, using a big brush to paint this picture, men and women experience life differently. Like most men, I am a fixer. When there is a problem I want to fix it. I'll suggest a number of viable solutions to a problem in an effort to find the solution that best fixes the problem at hand.

But I can't fix a miscarriage. I can't keep a heart from breaking. I can't stop tears from falling.

Truth is I don't feel the same loss that my wife does. An early miscarriage means I have yet to see my wife's belly grow big or place my hand on her belly and feel the baby kick let alone touch or look at the baby. I don't yet have an emotional connection to the baby so my loss is very different than Maria's. But I do experience the loss. Mostly I experience it through Maria's tears and sunken face.

The best advice I have for husbands is to recognize that while we may not have a strong emotional connection with the baby our wives probably do and just because we can't fix the problem doesn't mean we should check out and not provide support and comfort to our hurting wives. Listen when your wife needs to talk and don't be afraid to ask how she is doing. I have learned that asking how she is doing tells her that you care about her and when she says "nothing" be sure to ask again.

My advice for the wives. Don't expect your husband to truly understand the extent of your pain. Chances are he doesn't. But know that if he had the power he would move heaven and earth to dry your tears and mend your heart.

My best advice for husbands and wives. There is nothing more important in this life than your relationship with Jesus Christ. Don't allow the pain of loss to cause separation you from your spouse. Instead use the adversity to grow closer to each other and lean even more on your Heavenly Father.


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