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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Monday, August 8, 2011

Arpita's Journey- A Guest Post

As Arpita and her husband enter their fourth year of trying to conceive their first child, she is trying to embrace the lessons the universe still has to teach her. Arpita wears her heart on her sleeve on her blog, about trying to conceive both naturally and with medical help, the infertility experience, natural parenting and everything and anything in mommy-world including easy recipes and loads of Give Aways. She blogs at Up, Down & Natural. You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Photo Credit: Baby Gaga When you start trying to conceive there is no shortage of stories of "friends of a friend of an aunt" and the "I know someone who". First the stories start off with the "I know someone who... got pregnant the first month off birth control. No period or anything!" You start to convince yourself, of course we won't have any trouble! We are young, healthy, don't smoke, don't do drugs... and we waited for the right time in our lives. We have been so responsible with this decision. We're not some dumb teenagers just hopping into bed! All signs point to baby... Then, as the years crank on of the TTC drudgery, and doctors appointments and tests, you start wondering if all the tests and procedures are accurate, and how deep the doctors looked in to things. You start wondering, maybe they switched our "normal" results with someone else's. Even though everyone is all healthy you start almost, just almost, wishing that something were wrong so there would be something to fix!

This fall, after delaying it for well over a year, my husband and I are scheduled for an IUI with medical injections (COH) in September. I was so hopeful leading up to the procedure that I would be one of those lucky women who, like my sister, was scheduled for more aggressive fertility treatments and then at the last moment found out they were pregnant and didn't need to go through with it. These are the stories you start to hear after two, three... going in to four years of trying to conceive. The "I know someone who tried for 7 years, and as soon as she stopped trying, BAM! She got pregnant!" Of course, I suppose there is still time for me to miraculously find out I'm pregnant before the procedure... but now it is starting to dawn on me that most people who have to schedule fertility treatments do infact have to also go through with having fertility treatments. I guess everyone, myself included, wants to be the exception instead of the rule.

Photo Credit: Google Images I was trying the whole "not trying" thing, and for a while it was working. Not a care in the world, and for the first time in years I started thinking about the fact that maybe I did want to progress further in my career and maybe having the delay in having a baby was a good thing. Of course, that lasted about a minute before realizing that the only real thing I've been sure of is that God put me on this planet to be a mother. I'm still on a "break" of sorts and not using any ovulation predictor strips, acupuncture or anything else this month. Just a few herbs and vitamins that I should be on even if we weren't trying to conceive. I've read and re-read Maria's post "It Isn't Always About Me" about 1000 times. I keep trying to tell myself that, and even though deep inside me I know it's the truth and there must be a plan for us, I'm having such a hard time tearing myself away from the though that it's just not fair. I think everyone struggles with the thoughts of what they know they should think and feel, and what they DO think and feel. It's such a negative trap but I keep thinking to myself "Well..... if I just had ONE baby, at least then maybe I could come to terms with the fact that of course God has a better plan for us." But the fact that me not being a mother might be in God's plan just doesn't make sense to me.

Over the years, I've met and talked with other women who have been trying to conceive, and having trouble trying to conceive. One of the true blessings of my blog is that I've been able to help many women who have had struggles cope and not feel along as they go on to celebrate their pregnancies. Part of me does wonder, maybe this is the point of it all. Maybe my struggles have been to help others. However... something does keep nagging at me. Over the years, I've had other TTC friends tell me before they didn't understand why some women just didn't want children. This always strikes me as odd, since it was always crystal clear to me. I would say to them, I totally understood it. I believe wholeheartedly that God has put this want and deep maternal desire within me because he has given me the ability to be an amazing mother and I truly feel within me that it's my purpose in life. I used to tell my friends that women who claim that they don't want children might have another purpose in life, and that's why God never filled them with this deep maternal desire. Now I don't consider myself to be very religious, but I do believe in God. On those really tough days, I start to wonder if maybe I'm supposed to learn some other lesson like "Suck it up, Princess. You can't always get what you want..." The rational side of me knows that this likely is not the case. However, the emotional, hormonal side who has spent the last three years congratulating other women on their pregnancies while I don a fake smile, and yet again push away the tears wonders if I'll always be the guest at the Baby Shower, instead of the one it's thrown for.

Photo Credit: Baby Gaga My mother, who I speak daily with about mine and my husband's struggles has often told me that being pregnant is such a small part of being a mother, and there are always other options. I do agree with her that pregnancy is a very short time period in being a parent, but I also think it's a defining one. I would give anything to know what it feels like to have another human being growing inside me, and using my body for nourishment. To create life with my husband, and help bring another human being into the world is something that has always been my dream.

At the end of the day, I have to trust the fact that deep in my soul, I do know that I will be a mother. I do truly believe I would not have this deep of a desire for it, if it were not meant to be in some capacity. I'm not certain in what way I will come to that end, but I do know that it is the destination I am headed for. What each day is teaching me, is that I must learn whatever lessons it is that God is placing before me, and try to enjoy the journey to that destination.

I am so happy to be able to share this post with you all. In the 8 months that I have been blogging I have been able to "meet" some of the most wonderful people with whom there is just a special connection. With Arpita, we are able to commiserate through our frustrations with TTC and laugh to the point I have tears in my eyes. She decided it was entertainment enough to share it with all of you on a post called:

Give It Up, Google. You Don't Have Kids, and You're Not A Doctor.

Stay tuned for more information on the fantastic website that has been born because of this conversation. Take that infertility!


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