Every month I find myself daydreaming about the potential due date of my not yet conceived child. I was so excited about the possibility of having a baby at the end of October. October is by far my favorite month. I thought about how nice it would be to cuddle a newborn as the weather is getting cold outside. As the snow begins to fall, building a fire and staying in for 3 or 4 months sounds ideal to me. But... then after a number of negative pregnancy tests, my period starts to cement the fact that there will be no October birthday for my next baby. Maybe delivering a butterball turkey for Thanksgiving would be fun!

I have decided that I need to have a different attitude about trying for baby #3. I need to make this less about when I want a baby. I need to focus less on what I want and try to think about what God wants for me and my family. It is so hard to try to relinquish control, but when I realized that I am not really in control here anyway, it is actually kind of liberating.

I am going to do what I can to make sure that if God wants to bless us this cycle with a pregnancy, that I have done my part. But, should this cycle pass without a baby on board too, well, that is how God wants it. It may be hard for me to understand since I think I am ready right now but, He has proven to me over and over again, that His timing is perfect.