It isn't looking good, folks.  It isn't looking good.  Chart looks great.  Temps are good.  Boobs are sore.  Tests are all clearly negative.

While I am very tempted to allow myself to feel sorry for myself, fall in a heap of soggy tissue, and sleep until AF starts, I am going to rally.  Not particularly because I want to, but because Doug is leaving town for work for a few days and Gavin isn't quite ready to cook for himself.

Tonight I will be flying solo for the ttcradio show.  I have grown quite accustomed to having Doug there so that I don't feel like I am talking to myself for an hour.  Between my utter frustration with this fight with infertility and not having Doug to help to steer my radio chit chat, this might end up being the best or worst radio show since the start of ttcradio.  Now... I really hope that the kids sleep well tonight otherwise the radio show might be people listening to me beg the children to sleep.  Doesn't that sound like fun?

I am challenging myself to turn over a new leaf next cycle.  Brace yourselves.  Seriously.  Brace yourselves for this.  I am not going to test until 12 DPO next month.  I know that with the 5000 unit trigger it will be out of my system by then and I will know for sure if I am pregnant.  I want to test on 12 dpo and if there is a pink line I can be happy.  If there isn't I can feel like I do right now and just feel that way for one day instead of for the last 3.

 I am trying so hard to stay positive.  I used to be so good at this.  Month after month I have been able to find the silver lining and this month I just haven't found it yet.  Today I am just feeling a little sorry for myself and increasingly frustrated that I am still waiting.  I know I'll get out of my funk eventually, but just not today.