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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

All Skewed Up

My grandmother is a spry 98 years old. She has probably told me the story of how her and my grandfather met at least a dozen times and I am always so touched by the innocence and the way she is always eager to share how she met her first and only love. She tells of how her sister persuaded her to go to a local dance and how a young man asked her to dance. She danced with him and at the end of the night they went their separate ways. A week or two later he showed up at her front door and was, like they always did back then, invited in for a visit. He sat on the couch, grandma on the other side and my great-grandmother firmly planted between them. This is what dating was like. They were later married and went on to have 6 children. My grandmother still wears her wedding band despite the fact that my grandfather died at least 25 years ago. If only it still worked like this. I am not saying that I followed all of the "rules" when it came to dating, love and marriage, but I came pretty close when I met Doug.

I watch couples struggle with their relationships and I have to think that it has everything to do with the fact that we, as a society, have come to accept a really skewed approach to love. Today's couple seem to fall into one of three categories. The first is the closest thing we have to traditional couples. These are the couples that meet, date for a while, move in together, get married, and then have children. In that order. This, while not ideal, and severely frowned upon by Grandma, would be likely accepted as "How it is these days."

The second category are the couples that meet, date, move in together, and then maybe have children with the possibility of marriage at some point in the future. They live like a husband and wife. The make decisions as a household. This works for them right up until it doesn't. Inevitably, they separate. They have an "easy out" with no real commitment other than the inconvenience of moving out. They think that living together is what is in the best interest of the kids. And it might be. Right up until they agree that, "Things just aren't working out." Then the kids end up in the same situation that kids with divorced parents are in. Feeling unloved, unworthy, and with a really strange perception of how love is supposed to look.

Then the third group. These couples get married. Maybe it is because the woman wants to feel secure in the relationship, she insists on an engagement. She plans the wedding. The man figures that he loves this woman. He enjoys spending time with her. Why wouldn't I marry her? Then, after the honeymoon is over and the woman wants to go out to dinner more, or maybe the man wants the woman to keep the house cleaner, or any other various disagreement, they realize that they made a mistake. Divorce. There may have been a kid or two by the time they come to this decision but they aren't going to stay in an unhappy relationship. Right? Then, they meet the man/woman of their dreams. They see what love should have looked like and think, "This time I am doing the right thing. Let's get married!" Then... "This isn't what I signed up for. He/She drives me crazy." Since they survived divorce before, they can handle another one. Maybe another kid or two are now thrown in the mix. Marriage for these couples are like what "going steady" used to be. It is just a commitment a little more intense than just dating.

Doug and I didn't follow all the old fashioned rules but I think the fact that we at least did things in the right order really helped us to establish a good foundation for our marriage. We talked about everything before we sealed the deal. We knew each others plans. We knew their goals. We are in this together. We stood before God and made a promise that we both will keep. One day, many many years from now, I look forward to sharing my story of love and marriage with my own grandchildren. I sincerely hope that their stories of love and marriage don't vary too much from my own.



P.S.
Doug- I am so happy that you chose me and that we will grow old together. We will have shared every story of our individual pasts and then every other story we be "ours" since we will always be together. I love you!
Love,
Maria

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