I think I am a passive control freak.  I know that I just made that term up but it is the only way I can describe it.  I don't care to control things.  I just want to know that I could control things if I wanted to.  Does that make sense?  Kind of like choosing a restaurant for dinner.  I don't care where we go, but if I did care, I want to know that I could make that decision. 

That is why the two week wait (the two weeks between ovulation and when the highly undesired period starts) is just awful.  I don't get to choose anything.  I can say that I am going to ignore any cramp, twinge, headache, and possible symptom of pregnancy, but who am I kidding?  I can't ignore this stuff.  I may want to, but I have no control over those thoughts, however fleeting.  I am powerless to avoid them.

In an effort to crowd out these prominent and sometimes obsessive thoughts, I have come up with a plan.  I have made a list of 14 things to do while I wait.  If you want to join in the fun, please do!  At the end of each post I will have an opportunity to link up your blog post. I'll leave the linkies open for as long as they will let me (probably a year).  I will make a tab at the top of the page for these posts so others can easily find them and play along!  If you do not blog and you want to participate, share what you did in the comments of each post.





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1. Plant a seed. Have a left over packet of seeds from planting a garden or flower bed?  What about a beans you can sprout?  Find anything that is little that can grow into something big and beautiful!  Plant it and wait to see if that little miracle will grow. 
2. Play with pictures- Ever see those shows where they show a picture of two celebs and show what their baby would look like "if they made it?" Do this but with you and your husband's face.  Have kids?  Maybe you can use their face as a template. If you don't have photo software to do this, use this site.  Easy and fun! www.makemebabies.com/
3. Write your birth plan. No better time than the present!  Whether you are hoping for your first or your last, writing out how you envision your delivery going can be a wonderful way to get into the best state of mind for the arrival of your sweet little one. 
4. Write a letter to your womb- Maybe a pep talk is in order.  Bribery isn't out of line either.  Okay Womb, time to put on your listening ears. 
5. Make some music.  Change the lyrics to a familiar tune to a song about fertility. Feeling festive?  Christmas songs about fertility could be a really fun time! 
6. Do something nice for a pregnant friend or relative.  It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive.  Just something that makes your heart feel warm.
7. Say a prayer. After all, it isn't up to us.  Ask Him for what we need and what He needs from us!
8. Bake something. Maybe something yummy that can be saved for PMS cravings... or pregnancy cravings!
9. Create something beautiful. A craft? A photograph?  A painting or drawing?  The options are endless. 
10. A guest post from your husband. Ask your husband to guest post and write his thoughts on family, trying to conceive, infertility, and/or loss.  He might say no.  LOL  If so, tell him you are going to write a completely fabricated story about him doing the Macarena in his skivvies on your second date or something equally as fun!
11. Time to test? Write a post about testing early and why it is good, bad, or just an addiction you don't care to seek treatment for.
12. Share the love! Write a shout out post where you link to a few of your favorite TTCers, IFers, or other blogs that you love!
13. Show time! Watch a show or movie about pregnancy, childbirth, or family and cry your eyes out.
14. Write a letter to Aunt Flo. No need to be nice.  Maybe you can convince her that she needs to give you about a year long break from her.  "It's not me.  It's you." 

I am still waiting to ovulate.   I had a 19mm follicle and a 21 mm follicle that was triggered yesterday morning!  Once I confirm that I ovulated I will start with my posts!  This is going to be a busy couple of blogging weeks!  I hope you'll join in the fun when you are waiting to pee on things whenever that is!  You don't need to do all of the posts to participate.  After all, it only takes one, right?  Just copy the code under the While I Wait button and put it somewhere on your post.  Then, link up your post!   

(Insert some very peaceful and pensive music while I go look at this site.)

Romans 5:1-4

Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

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Every month I find myself wishing time to pass just a little bit faster just so that I can find out if I am going to see two pink lines. This cycle is no different. I am trying so hard to not let everything consume my every thought but it is so hard to get my head somewhere else. So, today, I am going to write down a list of things to do to pass the time.

• Blog. You might be hearing a bit more from me over the coming days (if the boys allow me to).
  
• Pick colors to paint the stairwell and upstairs hallway. I like a pretty shade of green. Everyone else likes beige. Ugg. How boring is that?
• Plan a trip to see one of my very dearest friends. She is one of those people who despite how much time passes, how much life passes, and how busy we become that we can always pick up right where we left off. Love Ya!
  
• Lose 3 pounds. Note to self- Stop buying those delicious little chocolate chunk cookies from the bakery.
• Ignore any pinching, pulling, tugs, cramps, etc. that may originate from my uterine area.
  
• Stay away from websites that sell any trying to conceive paraphernalia (even if it is dirt cheap tests).
  
• Do not chart my "Two Week Wait" symptoms on any chart, spreadsheet, or other tracking device.
  
• Only look at my cycle chart once a day. Okay. Twice. Sometimes I forget what it looked like by noon.
  
• Make a public statement (perhaps on my blog) that I will not test until after I am late for my period. Oh. Who am I kidding? THAT will never happen.
  
• Pray and thank God for all of the blessings I already have.

Is it next week yet? I guess I need to work on a longer list.

I think it is funny how whenever I am trying to get pregnant my mind plays these crazy games. There is a website, www.countdowntopregnancy.com, that enables women to track their pregnancy (or possible pregnancy symptoms) from ovulation to their positive test. While this is a great deal of obsessive style fun, I have to think it is pretty comical. Some of the funnier ones are diarrhea, gas, and fatigue. Don't get me wrong. I am always tuned into my body waiting for any sign or symptom that I might get the two pink lines at the end of the month but, really? Gas, the runs, and being tired? Isn't this symptoms of eating really greasy pizza and chasing after a 3 year old and a 7 month old?

With Gavin the only symptom I has was that I had one teeny spot of blood when I wiped. I was not due for my period for at least 5 more days and history told me that when my period came, she showed up in full force. Spotting had not been a part of my vocabulary. So, at that moment, I knew that it was likely implantation spotting. Then the next night I was laying in bed and all of the sudden I realized that I could smell the air freshener in the bathroom. I couldn't just smell it, I could almost taste it.

When I was trying for my second child I payed a lot of attention to every twinge, pull, cramp, ache, pain, well.. you get the point. I was obsessed. I would check the site to see if it was a good sign. I would see how many other women reported the "symptom" and either become just a bit more hopeful or swear that I was just noticing something that most women wouldn't notice. The truth is, it is all just ridiculous. I had restless leg syndrome a few nights before my positive home pregnancy test. I had extreme thirst before another. I had cramping before, yet another. While this sounds like I had pregnancy symptoms, I failed to mention all of the pregnancy symptoms I had only to be greeted by my period knocking down my door. I had cramps, extreme thirst for nothing but water, gas, diarrhea, back pain, cramps, metallic taste in my mouth, again, you get the point.

Better yet, these are some of the symptoms on the list of "Most Common Early Pregnancy symptoms."

Acne breakout....................................Decrease in Acne
Dry mouth...........................................Increase in saliva
Fatigue.................................................Restlessness

With these being symptoms, it is no wonder I swear I am pregnant every month! Even right this minute I am thinking about how thirsty I am but noticing how I have a lot of saliva. I am exhausted but probably couldn't sleep. Is that a zit? Maybe. Don't I usually have more zits that that?

I would love to hold an unscientific experiment. I would like to ask women who haven't ovulated yet and tell them that there is a possibility that they are pregnant. Then, give them a list of the 60 most common symptoms of pregnancy and have them record which ones they feel for two weeks. Something tells me that most of these women will write down about 20 symptoms. Even before they have ovulated. Of course, I will never be able to run this experiment but I challenge myself each month to do just this so that I can recognize how silly I am being when I think I must be pregnant because I farted 3 times on a Tuesday while thinking about salt and vinegar potato chips.

I really hope that I can get pregnant (and stay pregnant) so that I don't have to go through this waiting and wondering torture for very long. I must admit that since I have started this blog, I have managed to be much less obsessed with trying to get pregnant and staring at my chart waiting for it to telling me the future. But with that all said, I am going to go to countdown to pregnancy and see what symptoms are the most reported for 4 days past ovulation. Oh... the games my mind likes to play.