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Last night I was making a quick run to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients for a pumpkin bread recipe that I am making for Gavin's preschool class.  It was rainy, cold, close to bed time for the boys, and in order to save time, I had Joey, Doug and my dad waiting in the car.  Gavin insisted on coming with me.  So we raced up and down isles grabbing the few things we needed from the shelves.  Gavin was doing a good job keeping up with my hurried pace.  Then, we scooted ourselves into the shortest line at the checkout.  We loaded our things onto the belt as the woman ahead of us finished paying.  A total of about 25 second may have passed since we arrived in the line.  Gavin, at a clearly audible level, asks:

"Why is this taking SO LONG?!"  

I quickly answered him, at a level equally as audible, "We just got into line. It will be our turn soon!"  My cheeks were a little pink as the woman ahead of us and the cashier both smiled at me.  We paid for our things and quickly shuffled back out to the car. 

Not a very climactic story, I know.  But, it gets better...

Last night, Doug had to catch a 6:30 am flight out of an airport over an hour drive from home.  That meant he had to wake up at 3:00 am!  I don't know if it was my anxiety over making sure he woke up on time or if it was my second serving of caffeine at dinner, but I couldn't sleep.  As I tossed and turned, God decided to send me a message.

I was taken back to my experience at the grocery store and this time when I visualized the events, I was the child.  I turned to God and asked, "Why is this taking SO LONG?!"   God smiled at me and said, "You just got in line.  It will be your turn soon."

I am only 9 days past ovulation and far from "out" but feeling very similar to how I felt last month at this point and we all know how that ended up.  Nada.  But, we are talking and praying about if we might be ready to try Clomid next cycle.  As always, your thoughts, comments, and prayers are welcomed and always appreciated. 


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I am not sure what I expected from today's appointment with the RE.  Doug had a semen analysis and I had my hormone levels checked last month.  I am not sure why I hesitated to schedule an appointment to get the results.  I think I was so hopeful that I would turn up pregnant and it wouldn't matter what the results were.  Well, no such luck, and I figured it was finally time to get some answers.  I waited patiently for 2 weeks to meet with the doctor this morning.


As I drove to the appointment, alone with my thoughts, I prayed.  I asked God to let me leave the appointment with a sense of peace, clarity, and positivity.  I got to the office and found myself in an empty waiting room thumbing through a women's fashion magazine.  I was amazingly at ease.  I really think that God was already acting on my prayers.  I was in the room wondering if brand X make-up could really make me look younger instead of perseverating on if I would never have more children.  I was peaceful.

Then, the doctor himself came to the door and greeted me in the waiting room.  After a cheerful exchange we went into the office to chat.  Considering the fact that he was about to reveal to me the fate of my family, I was still peaceful.  I sat, and before I even had a chance to take a full breath, he spilled the results out in front of me.

"You're both fine."

"Really?" I said, not really surprised but maybe a bit confused.

"Really.  Your hormone levels are all normal.  That at-home FSH tests (First Response in case any of you were curious) may have picked up on a weird cycle.  Unlikely.  It is possible it detected something else in your urine like if you were too close to ovulation it may have picked up the LH (not the case- it was CD3).  Then the third possibility is that it was just b*llsh*t."

Have I mentioned how much I like my doctor?

So, here we are with a year of trying under our belts and nothing to show for it.  But, that isn't exactly true.  I could look at this with annoyance and frustration at not having any real reason for our issues, or I can thank God for giving me time to grow even closer to Him, allowing me to meet and become friends with so many of you, and giving me more time to appreciate His perfect timing.

The next step?  Doug and I still have to talk about if we want to try Clomid or not.  This will be a decision we will make together in the coming days, weeks, months.

So that is it.  Nothing.  But, God has answered my prayers because I have a sense of peace, clarity, and positivity.  What prayers has He answered for you?


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(1) To get in agreement with the word of God, and built yourself up in faith. (4)  Know God is for you!!

If you haven't had an opportunity to pick up a copy of God's Fertility Clinic, I suggest you order one.  I am in no way being compensated for my sharing this book with you.  I have just really found a great sense of positivity by reading this book.  And, today as I await my period to start yet again, this is the book and words that help me to continue reminding myself that God will bless me with another child.