A couple of weeks ago I wanted to go to a local book store to get a book on Gluten Free cooking.  Taking two kids with attention spans of a gnat was risky.  They did have a kids section but of course they have games, and toys at the eye level of a toddler so I was screwed.  I managed to grab my book and tell the boys that they could each pick out a book.  There was kicking, screaming and carrying on when I wasn't going to give in to the totally overpriced puzzles and toys that we already have plenty of at home.  Gavin finally complied and walked over to the Olivia books.  Our whole family likes that show Olivia.  Granted it is a little estrogen heavy for the kids but... eh... what a little theatrical and dramatic overload going to hurt?

Gavin picked up a book that was large, pink, and shaped like a handbag.  It wasn't coming home with us.  I used my ninja mom skills to convince him that Olivia opening a lemonade stand was worthy of so many ooohs and ahhhs that the pink handbag book didn't stand a chance.  After paying for our books, I decided that getting some coffee for the road was a must.

Since the nearby Starbucks (AKA Ninja Mom Fuel) was without a drive thru (which makes it much less powerful to a mom with two gnats... I mean kids) I went to the coffee stand in the book store.  Gavin saw the juices and kid friendly drinks and I was easily convinced.  After all, I did rob him of that very fashionable handbag.  I put a  vitamin water into two cups with ice and let the boys slurp it down at the same rate I was chugging my iced coffee.

Then, I decided that it would be fun to let the boys see the critters at Petsmart.  We walked up and down the isles admiring the creepy crawly critters and the ones that swam and even a few furry ones.  Then, we piled back into the car and were on our way home.

We were about halfway home when I heard the words every mom dreads.

"Mom.  I have to go potty!"


What was I thinking letting Gavin have a big cup of fruit flavored water?  Joey is still in diapers so he can pee freely but Gavin?  What was I thinking?!  I told him to hang on and then assessed the situation.  I had basically two options: a fast food restaurant or a truck stop.  I weighed the two establishment on a few qualities and oddly enough I decided that the truck stop would be an easy in and out and I wouldn't feel obligated to purchase anything.  After all... it is like a rest stop.  As we pulled into the parking lot and I was getting the boys out of their car seats, I was nearly knocked over by the cigarette smoke.  Whatever.  I was in a hurry and by the look on Gavin's face, so was he.  So we get inside the restaurant/lobby door and the bathroom is thankfully just inside the door.  Gavin rushes to the handicapped stall (so that we can all fit in there) and reaches for and grabs the toilet seat.  Yeah... it happened.  Full 5 finger grab to the public truck stop toilet seat.  After my initial freak out I took a deep breath and thought, "I am so glad I am not really OCD like Jo @ BumBumGerms or I would toally be needing a wire brush right now."  (If you like to have a giggle or two her posts always do it for me.)  Then, we managed to get the deed done and wash his hands all while I am somehow managing to keep Joey from reaching out, grabbing and ingesting truck stop potty germs.  On the way out Gavin spots the "insert a quarter and weigh yourself scale."  Then, before I can stop him he is touching all over it.  Back to the sinks.  At this point, I am dying to get out of the bathroom but also feeling like I need to pee too.  I make the executive mommy decision to hold it and get the heck out of there.  I am still waiting on my T-Shirt that reads, "I survived a Truck Stop bathroom with children!"

It is days like that that I find myself questioning my unwavering desire to have another baby.  This last cycle was a bust.  The good news is that my BabyHopes HPTs worked great!  I wished they would have worked great and been positive, but thankfully I have a few left for this cycle.  But, if I do ever get to add to this family, I am considering either only traveling in an RV or withholding all beverages until 10 minutes before we will be home.

Have you ever found yourself with nature calling in an unnaturally disgusting place?  Tell me about it!!!

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1. I was having some... um... digestive upset and was headed to the bathroom in a hurry. I anticipated it being a long visit and wanted some reading material. I didn't have much time to select a book so I grabbed the closest book I could find. I thoroughly enjoyed my quiet time with the big red dog.
2. I have caffeine addiction. This was made abundantly clear when Gavin (3) has started asking me questions prefaced with, "Mommy, after you have some 'caffeine' will you..."

3. I love dressing my kids like my husband and then going on a family trip. Today was Walmart. The only thing missing was a couple of mullets.
4. Gavin will be going to a two day a week preschool in a month. I am excited to have some time for just Joey and I, but I am petrified of the notes I will get from his teacher. For instance, Gavin makes up words ALL the time. He will say silly words, use them in sentences, and even try to explain what they mean. I had to actively ignore him when he said a silly word that was pronounced fuh-key. Then today he said something was kin-key. Great. Perfect. His teachers are going to think that we are sex crazed potty mouths. Totally rethinking preschool.

5. I probably remind Gavin to use an "inside voice" about 30 times a day. I remind Joey too but he NEVER listens. If whatever they is doing is funny, I let it go... for a while... I know it is probably confusing but sometimes parenting is about bending the rules.

It has been a rough couple of days for me and when things get quiet, I have found myself getting teary eyed. Even though I am probably overdue for an all out bawl fest, I have decided that I am going to go on a mission to find things to make me laugh and I would be really mean to keep the giggles to myself. Please enjoy, and bookmark for a sad day!










Are you smiling? I certainly feel better!



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Given what had been going on with Doug, my parents volunteered to take the boys overnight at their house. They literally live down the lane from us so it is a quick trip to bring any forgotten items. Since I was really hoping for a night to just relax, regroup, and collect my thoughts, I wanted to try and make sure I have everything packed for both boys. As I am scrambling about gathering extra binkies, clothes, blankets, and white noise machines, I hear a thud followed quickly by scream crying. Not the, "I'm irritated because I fell down trying to get something out of reach," but the, "I am hurt! Get here fast!" cry. When I turn the corner I see Joey laying on the floor. This is a sight I see at least 3 times a day now as he is pulling to stand but hasn't mastered balance yet. Then I noticed three little drops of blood on the floor. When I pick him up I see blood in his mouth and it seems to be coming fast and in significant quantity. My first thought was of panic and frenzy. Then I quickly flashed back to the first time Gavin got hurt and drew blood. Gavin was fine after a couple minutes 2 1/2 years ago and Joey would be fine now. So I calmly tended to the very small cut in his mouth and put a little bit of ice on his lip (which he actually LOVED!) and despite a bit of a fat lip, he was fine in a few minutes. I had to laugh or else, I'd cry.

Before I left to take the boys down to my parents I asked Doug what he was in the mood for for dinner. He requested, "Real macaroni and cheese. You know? The kind with the toasted breadcrumbs on top." The only place I could think of that had that was a 20 minute drive but, it was a good excuse to be alone with my thoughts. I drove back home with dinner thinking about how I was going to spend my child-free night.

I got home and unpacked dinner. No mac and cheese to be found. None. I drove all the way there for the mac and cheese and now Doug has a side order of home fries but no macaroni and cheese. I was so disappointed in myself that I didn't think to check the bag. I was frustrated that my efforts to please my sick husband were thwarted by a Bob Evan's carryout snafu. I ate my salad and watched my husband eat an order of "too salty" potatoes. I had to laugh or else I'd cry.

Because the boys were at my parents, I slept until after 8 am. Something that hasn't happened since Joey was born. Every Saturday morning, I go to workout at a MMA Fit class. It is a challenging workout but I look forward to pushing myself and working hard. After my first class several months ago, I lovingly nicknamed my Saturday trainer, "Steroid Raging No Necker." This isn't him but he looks a lot like the guy on the right. I will warn you that the following stories are just weird but they were too funny (read awkward and uncomfortable) not to share.

In the middle of class, the trainer was demonstrating how my stance was putting me off balance. His point was taken but he evidently wanted to demonstrate how off balance I was. He pushed me in the chest to knock me off balance. Now, as I am sure when you pictured this, you imagined his hand pushing me somewhere between my breast and my shoulder, right? Um. No. His hand was planted squarely on the fleshy part of my boob. I fell backward and laughed out loud thinking that he simply forgot he was training women today and not a bunch of sweaty male fighters. I thought for sure that he was going to be apologizing profusely and blushing at what HAD to me a mistake. He didn't. He didn't even acknowledge the booby grab. He went on continuing to have me demonstrate my stance. I thought I must have been going crazy. I had to laugh, or else I'd cry.

Then, after class had finished there were a few of us chatting about self defense. (Now, thinking back, I totally should have asked him how to defend myself from booby grabbers!) The next part is the strangest and I am not sure I am going to be able to describe it well but I'll give it a shot. He wanted me to hit myself in the neck. I did while looking at him as if he was crazy. He told me to do it harder. I laughed and said, "I don't really want to hit myself in the neck." Then, like a mean and intimidating parent, he looks at me sternly and tells me to hit myself in the neck while demonstrating the action on himself. I am smiling but now it is out of sheer anxiety. I do it two or three more times thinking that if I humor him I will be able to escape. I guess I wasn't doing it hard enough or something because he gave up on telling me to do it and then he hit me in the neck with the side of his hand. He asked me what I felt. I told him that it hurt and again laughed but almost with tears because I was so confused. His behavior just wasn't making any sense, but like a group of teenagers, people stood around watching this happen and no one, including me, had the guts to tell this dude to shove it where the sun doesn't shine. I guess hurting wasn't what I was supposed to feel because he then told me that hitting me where he was, the jugular vein, it was supposed to distort my vision or something. He hit me in the neck one last time quite hard and asked me what I saw. I was so inside of my head that I wasn't seeing anything. He finally gave up. Yeah. I had to laugh or else I'd cry.

Then for lunch, my husband really wanted that mac and cheese that he didn't get to have yesterday, so I climbed into the car to drive to the restaurant. Again. We didn't have to pay for the macaroni this time since we paid for it yesterday but while the manager was working out the issue on the receipt, I decided to treat myself to a fountain Coke. After all, I got my boob grabbed and then hit in the neck repeatedly. I deserved a Coke today!



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I don't know why I thought that taking Gavin along with me to Joey's 9 month check-up would be a good idea. It is stressful enough to manage a naked, antsy, teething, poop machine on a paper lined table and then, I go an add a 3 year old to the mix. I decided that I was going to use one of the few "golden ticket" items in my arsenal to ensure good behavior. Dangling chocolate milk in front of Gavin is like dangling a pint of Chubby Hubby Ice Cream in front of me. With only a couple of reminders Gavin did fairly well. Well, behavior wise he did well. I decided to use Gavin to help me keep Joey entertained as we waited for the doctor. I instructed Gavin to stand in front of Joey and play peek-a-boo by peeking up from underneath the exam table. Great idea, right? Not so much. Gavin popped up and down a couple of times and Joey smiled and laughed. Then Gavin popped up too close to the table and hit his face on the table. He screamed and cried and I thought for sure that a nurse would be coming in to check on us but no one came. I was thankful since Gavin was really okay and just startled.

Then as the tears slowed down, I noticed the international sign of "I have to go potty". Almost at the same moment as me noticing the pee-pee dance, he tells me he has to go potty. So I venture out with Joey draped over my arm in search of the bathroom. I find someone who points me in the right direction and thankfully it isn't far. Today, for whatever reason, he decided he wanted to stand to pee. This was fine with me but I wasn't sure how good his aim was and didn't want to discover it was bad in a pediatrician's bathroom. So I helped him aim. Again, Joey draped uncomfortably over one arm and me pointing Gavin in the right direction with the other hand. About 10 seconds later and Gavin still hadn't started peeing he changed his mind about standing up to pee which was welcome news since I didn't think I could continue the balancing act for much longer. Gavin turned, sat on the potty, and held himself in the right direction just as he does at home. I never heard any pee hit the water so I was surprised when he announced he was done.

"Oh? You are done already? Are you sure?"

"Yep! I'm all done!"

Then he stood up and then my worst nightmare had come true. There was pee all over the back of his pants and underwear. He hadn't held himself down far enough and just peed all over the back of his clothes. Seriously?! I got Gavin back into the exam room with my arm about to fall off from the tremendous weight of Joey. I confirmed what I already knew. I didn't have any extra clothes with me for Gavin. So, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I can't be the first mom in the world to find myself with a wet kid and no clothes. I may not win Mom of the Year but I can't be the worst mom ever. I found some comfort in that. I gave him Joey's blanket to cover up with.

A few minutes later, the doctor knocks on the door and comes in. He does his typical greeting and hellos and then looks at Gavin and asks him what's wrong. I offer the abridged version of the previous 15 minutes events. As I am explaining the saga, I look over my shoulder at Gavin in the chair and notice that his nose is bleeding. Wow. Now I have a cold, naked, uncomfortable baby along with a crying, wet, bloody 3 year old.

Ahhh... The joys of motherhood! I am thankful for every story I get to tell like this. I love the fact that my life never has a dull moment anymore. I love that every day ends with a funny story or a funny thing that one of the kids did or said. I thank God for every day I have with my family. Each day is a gift even if sometimes it feels like a gag gift!