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God has blessed me tremendously with an amazing husband, Doug, and two gorgeous little boys, Gavin and Joey. It has always been a dream of mine to have a large family but God may have other plans. I had a series of 6 consecutive early miscarriages when trying for baby #2. We are currently trying for baby #3 after our 7th miscarriage. I am faithful that God's plan is perfect, even when I am not happy about it. I love comments and meeting new followers so please don't be shy!

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Friday, August 31, 2012

When It Rains...

It has been a really long time since I blogged about Doug and his Autoimmune Hepatitis, AIH from here on out.  He had gone into remission and all was well and then a few months ago he started not feeling well again.  It was no surprise that his liver enzymes had risen.  His medications were adjusted to get those numbers back down.  One of the lovely side effects of his medications is that he gets short term diabetes when he is on the higher doses of medications.  So finally, the liver enzymes are normal, the meds are reduced, and the diabetes goes away.  Then, when we least expected it, something new falls into our lap.

Without sharing a novel's worth of medical history it will have to suffice that Doug has always had pains.  Muscle pains that he has mentioned to various doctors over the years but has always checked out fine.  Doug has just assumed that it was years of sports that left him feeling so achey.  Perhaps it was.  But, a couple of weeks ago, Doug was laying in bed like usual when he sat up and grabbed his head and said it felt like he had been shot in the head.  No more than 5 seconds later, he said he was okay.  I won't lie, I panicked.  I have heard the stories about perfectly healthy people complaining of a headache and then are dead moments later from an aneurism.   I tried to stay calm.  I asked him every 15 seconds if he was still okay.  He was.  Phew.  That was weird.  The next day he confessed that that headache wasn't the first of it's kind.

A few days later, as we sat down to our family dinner on Sunday night, Doug's hand and arm began shaking.  Due to medications and sugar issues, it wasn't unusual that his hands would shake a little, but this time it was so violent that he wasn't able to feed himself with his right hand.  He agreed that I could call the doctor on Monday morning.

He saw the doctor and she ordered some tests, just to rule out some things, but she felt confident that it was just  medication side effects.  After our appointment with her, we felt the same way.

He had an EEG and an MRI in the past several days.  He had a routine appointment at his GI doctor who had access to his EEG and MRI results.  Turns out, the EEG was abnormal and the MRI had things that were "atypical."  We have been doing some research, courtesy of Dr. Google, and he seems to have many of the symptoms of MS.  

Fortunately, our doctor made a personal phone call to a neurologist and he is going to see us on Tuesday morning.  We appreciate prayers as we can use all of the spiritual strength you have to offer.  We know that everything is in God's hands, but we need the strength to remember that, especially if things get worse before they get better. 
Monday, August 27, 2012

Gurgle.

That is the sound that this cycle is making.  Here's to cycle number 28 having a better outcome.

Not only was this cycle a bust, but my efforts to lose weight took a hit too.  My wonderful brother and sister-in-law came a few weeks ago for a visit.  It was so much fun but I hardly burned any calories and had many excuses to consume them.  We spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking and canning some treats that I look forward to enjoying this fall and winter!

When they left, I thought that I would be able to make up for some lost time and work out double time.  Instead, my mom and I continued out canning adventures and spend the better part of the last week and a half in the kitchen.  So much for exercise.

Then finally it was time to get back to business.  Then, my dad suggests a trip with the boys to a farm in Amish country that has exotic animals.  Seriously.  Who can turn down exotic animals?

I wish I would have taken my good camera with me.  Instead, all I have are these crappy cell phone pics.  But still... pretty awesome! 
I am officially back on the weight loss wagon and I am looking forward to seeing the 100's before October arrives!  I plan on calling the RE tomorrow and setting up an appointment to talk about options.  I am also going to try to do a better job of blogging at least a couple times a week.  I miss it.  Exercise has become my priority but blogging is still very dear to my heart.  I hope you all will hang in there with me while I get out of my slump and work my way toward a baby bump. 

P.S.  I have thought of several new "Reasons I hate Infertility" so maybe a fun post will come soon! 
Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Have you seen my blog mojo?

I don't know what is going on with me.  I just can't seem to gather my thoughts lately let alone organize them into an easy to read post.  So today, I have decided to do some random thoughts.

  • Lets get the TTC stuff out of the way and say that I am 7 dpo and have already tested.  Twice.  I am ridiculous.  There should be meetings for people like me. 

  • I have spent the better part of the last 2 weeks in the kitchen making and canning tons of things but mostly things containing tomatoes.  Did you know that your hands can get pruney from tomatoes?  Yes.  They can.  I am tired of tomatoes. 

  • A friend's father passed away and Doug was talking to our friend on the phone.  Gavin was confused since Doug is wasn't a part of our bedtime routine so he, of course, asked what he was doing.  I explained that our friend was sad and that daddy needed to help her feel better. Gavin asked why she was sad.  I thought for a minute since I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about a person dying.  I chose my words wisely.  I told Gavin that she was sad because she missed her daddy.  I should have known that Gavin would have kept on asking questions.  Gavin asked where her daddy went so, since I feel it is important to be honest, I said, "He went to Heaven."  Gavin thought for a second and said, "When you go to Heaven you don't come back?"  I told him, "No."  Then Gavin looked right at me and said...  "It's okay.  Jesus is going to go to Heaven and tell her daddy that he can go home now."  

  • What do you get when you cross a women who has a true and very real phobia of public speaking with a radio talk show host?  You get me.  I have now done 3 radio shows and I am getting better at it each time.  While I would love to have you all listen and even call in, the realization that people are actually listening might freak me out.  But go ahead and call in!  I might freak out but it will be the good kind of freak out... mostly!  http://www.ttccommunity.com/index.php/radio-show  The live show is Sunday night at 9 pm EST!

  • I'm going to be 36 in a couple of days.  That sucks.  But, I can't help but hope for a little bit of good news of the two lined variety to help me celebrate.  
That is all for now.  I hope you all are well and for those who are also trying to get pregnant, I have already commanded AF to not show up for anyone on my birthday.  Thursday has been declared no AF day.   That hag had better listen! 
Thursday, August 16, 2012

Your World, Your Words

I made brief mention of the writing contest that is being hosted by ttccommunity.com, but I thought I would take just a few minutes to explain how and why you should share your words.   But first I'll give my super quick update on me.

I ovulated a day or two (or maybe three) ago.   I am still working very hard to continue to lose weight. I am down 16 pounds and feeling better everyday.  I look forward to saying goodbye to obesity in the coming days as I only have a couple more pounds to go!  That journey won't be over but it is a pretty exciting milestone!!  Plus, plenty of reading has told me that getting out of the obese range will increase not just my odds of conceiving, but sustaining a pregnancy.  Feeling pretty good about that!

So back to the writing contest!

Each month there is going to be a theme for all of the articles.  This month's theme is Starting & Growing a Family.  What is so awesome about this, is that pretty much everyone in the world qualifies to write articles.  Those articles can then potentially win some big money, $3,200 dollars to be exact!  I shared some potential ideas for articles on ttccommunity.com (here) if you are drawing a blank.

I don't want anyone to think that you need to be a blogger, currently trying for a baby, dealing with infertility, or even a woman for that matter.  All you need is a computer so that you can write an article and submit it.  That is it!  Still not sure you qualify to write?  Even if you have zero personal experience in the world of Starting & Growing a Family, you can do a little research and put together an informative article on any subject that falls under that broad theme. For all of the details please read this!

Each month will be a different theme, so be sure to check out our theme calendar and start writing! 


Please share this on facebook and tweet about it so we can get the word out about this amazing opportunity! 
Thank you!
Monday, August 13, 2012

Phantasticly Phunny Phallic Phruit

These were both discovered by my most amazing and awesome sister in-law!  So happy (and slightly embarrassed) that she gave them to me to share with all of you!  Enjoy!!


Is it weird that I feel funny about eating either one? 
Wednesday, August 8, 2012

She is Pregnant. I am not.

At the precise moment that Joey was born and placed on my stomach, I began planning for my next baby.  So when my first period showed up 3 months later, I was almost excited!  I was so happy that I was going to be able to continue breastfeeding while I started trying for baby #3.  When the holidays rolled around and I found myself having some girl talk with some relatives and chatting about when the next baby was going to happen, I spilled the not so secret beans that we had already started trying.  My cousin admitted that they were ready to start trying for one last baby too.

I should have known at that precise moment to stop myself from thinking it, but it was too late.

"How awesome!  We might have babies at almost the same time!  That would be so cool!"

It was out there.  Forever lingering in my memory.

A few months later, she is pregnant.  I am not.

Then one day my phone rings.  It is a long time friend that doesn't call often.  I knew before she even spoke 3 words to me that she was pregnant.  It turns out that I was right.  But, my reflex of jealousy was quickly brushed off as she confessed that she was spotting and feeling like she I was probably miscarrying.  I helped her through the steps of what to do.  Sadly, she was right and miscarried.  In follow up phone calls she said that she was ready to try again right away.  She knew I was trying too and before I could stop myself, I did it again.

"Cool!  I hope we get to be pregnant together!"

There they were again.  Those words that can't be erased from my memory.

A few months later, she is pregnant.  I am not.

Then finally, I got the chance to be pregnant with her.  She was due in a week and I finally had two pink lines.  It wasn't like we got to take baby bump pictures together but in my mind, I finally had won.  I was pregnant at the same time as a friend!  Then as she celebrated a new life entering the world, I mourned one more pregnancy that didn't stick.

A couple of weeks later, I got a card in the mail.  It was a very sweet, well thought out, and very gentle card that shared more news of pregnancy of another close relative.  It was wonderful that she shared the news with me first, knowing our struggles, but it happened again.  I don't remember if it was her or I, but the words were exchanged.

"Maybe we will be pregnant together?!"

There they were again.  Floating out in front of my eyes.  Taunting me for feeling as if I might finally be able to break this... this... I don't know... curse?  Annoyance?  Awful revolving door of infertility?  Eh.  They all work, I suppose.  You choose. 

So, today I find myself facing reminders that had I gotten pregnant with my cousin, I would have a one year old.  If I would have gotten pregnant with my friend, I would have a 5 month old.  If I would have stayed pregnant, I would be due in October.  There are other newly pregnant girls that I would love to be pregnant with, but dare I utter the words?  The same empty words that sound so fantastic until I hear the reality behind them.  Another race to get pregnant before another pregnancy turns into a wiggly, squishy, adorable newborn. 

"Maybe we will be pregnant together."

Ready?

Set!

Go!

But for now... She is pregnant.  I, on the other hand, am not.




(*to all of my pregnant friends everywhere: I love you all.  I have no feeling of ill will.  I am not angry.  I just want to be pregnant with you.)


Thursday, August 2, 2012

A Glimmer of Hope

I am feeling really good about my focus on losing weight.  I am down 12 pounds and am only about 6 pounds away from being overweight instead of obese.  Not sure it is quite worthy of a party to enter into the world of "just fat" instead of really fat, but hey, I'll take it.

October 15th will mark exactly 2 years of us trying to conceive our third child.  In the world of infertility this is kind of a rarity.  At my age, almost 36, and eager to have another child, most couples would have been moving up the ladder of infertility treatments.  Granted we did do several attempts of clomid and a trigger shot but beyond that is foreign territory.  I know quite a bit about the procedures and protocols of ART (assisted reproductive technology) but have never considered it for myself.   Maybe one day I'll write about why the decision to move ahead with infertility treatments is such a difficult one but today is about hope.

Yesterday during a chat session, I asked a veteran a few questions about the IUI procedure.  Then, just when I thought I had tried everything that we were comfortable with at this point, she shared with me a whole new option!  Injectables.

I have just started researching injectable medications and why someone might choose them over clomid, and frankly, I'm shocked that my RE hadn't mentioned this as an option.  A very expensive, but very effective alternative.  It is my understanding that Clomid is good for stimulating ovulation because it tricks your body into thinking it is a hormone, estrogen.  Injectable medications ARE estrogen.  So, the advantages are that there are less side effects (I didn't have any with Clomid anyway), doesn't cause drying, and also can improve uterine lining.

The statistics for successes using injectables are more than double that of clomid.  Also, probably due to the improved uterine lining, more pregnancies are actually carried to term.  I have always had short periods and while I fall into the range of "normal," I can't help but think that I have a thin lining.  If these meds could improve my chances for pregnancy, increase my uterine lining, AND potentially increase the odds of a happy ending??? I am willing to save up my money to try this!

Has anyone tried injectables?   Any advice?  Input?  More pros?  Cons?  I am all ears!


Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wordless Wednesday: Pee Stick Theater

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